Why do women invent phantom boyfriends?

[Chowhound]

Originally Posted by DontH8Me

Not sure if you read all of OP's posts in this thread, but he later revealed that his argument is, "All women are liars because they use 'I have a boyfriend' even when they don't really have a boyfriend, so I am now justified in lying right back to all women."

The OP is..... I wish I could post what I want to say.

[NORTY FLATZ]

Originally Posted by Chowhound

The OP is..... I wish I could post what I want to say.

Please do. The OP has 1 post per month, going into this. So, it's not like they're a prolific poster.

[Houston Area Man]

Originally Posted by zenklown

I realize that not all women that I am interested in are going to be interested in me. But why do women instead of simply saying that they just aren't interested invent a phantom boyfriend and use the phantom boyfriend as the pretext for not wanting to date me? This just strikes me as a completely unnecessary lie, but is that actually the case? Is it an unneccessay lie or is there something here that I am missing? What problems is this lie trying to solve for women?

As an excuse to be nice. They don’t want to give direct answer to hurt your feelings. I rather hear the truth and she can just say she doesn’t find me attractive.

[elnrgby]

Originally Posted by zenklown

I realize that not all women that I am interested in are going to be interested in me. But why do women instead of simply saying that they just aren't interested invent a phantom boyfriend and use the phantom boyfriend as the pretext for not wanting to date me? This just strikes me as a completely unnecessary lie, but is that actually the case? Is it an unneccessay lie or is there something here that I am missing? What problems is this lie trying to solve for women?

They don't want to hurt your feelings. Having a boyfriend sounds like an objective obstacle to dating you (which presumably has nothing to do with you), while telling you they are not interested presumably means you are not interesting enough.

I'm an old lady who posts in the Retirement forum, but I clicked on Relationships by mistake, the only reason for my participation in this discussion :-). My long-term boyfriend is deceased, so I can use the objective fact of being still attached to his memory to decline advances from any amorous old dude who doesn't interest me. But if you don't have such an objective excuse handy, what can you do? I wouldn't tell anyone to his face that he doesn't interest me.

[Mink57]

Originally Posted by elnrgby

They don't want to hurt your feelings. Having a boyfriend sounds like an objective obstacle to dating you (which presumably has nothing to do with you), while telling you they are not interested presumably means you are not interesting enough.

I'm an old lady who posts in the Retirement forum, but I clicked on Relationships by mistake, the only reason for my participation in this discussion :-). My long-term boyfriend is deceased, so I can use the objective fact of being still attached to his memory to decline advances from any amorous old dude who doesn't interest me. But if you don't have such an objective excuse handy, what can you do? I wouldn't tell anyone to his face that he doesn't interest me.

I would. And I have.

But not for the reasons that one may think.

First of all, just because I may find someone physically attractive doesn't mean I'd want to date them.
And just because I may find their personality to be "fun" doesn't mean I'd want to date them.

I've met men who have had both qualities, but I wasn't interested in dating THEM because I wasn't interested in dating ANYONE. So, my lack of interest had nothing to do with THEM, but ME. I'm simply not interested in dating anyone at all, no matter how "attractive" one is. I have things going on in my own life right now, and I don't want any distractions.

Yet...some men won't accept that, somehow believing that I "secretly" don't like them for some reason.

Heads up, guys. Sometimes, it really isn't about YOU!