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This is not a self loathing or bragging post. For the longest time like most people I had the goal of getting married and I have wanted kids. Not an overwhelming urge for kids, but I just wanted a family. Now I'm 40/M and have settled into a decent life for myself where I'm happy. I have a house and a career and it just feels late to start the long tiresome journey of starting a family.
I've realized that if I never have kids or get married, I will have absolutely no financial stress in my life or pressure to earn more or save more. I have a low mortgage payment on a decent sized house and no debt and save plenty each month and no one depending on me. If I had a family I could almost never earn too much.
I also have just never found the one and don't need a relationship to be happy. I'm never lonely or bored on my own. And I've never felt more complete or happier in a LTR, but I have enough going on for myself that I do still have flings or short term relationships sometimes. I've also had a fear of being stuck in an unhappy relationship like I see many of my friends who are married or divorced.
I guess my biggest fear with not having a family is who will I have when I get older? Who's going to care about me when I'm elderly and dying? I'll never have grandkids and all the family stuff around the holidays after my parents pass. Can anyone else relate??
You should decide what you really want out of life. If it it's permanent bachelorhood, then, just prepare for your care later in life. There are great senior/nursing communities out there with support systems and activities geared toward single seniors. Florida does a great job. Also, just cause people have families, does not guarantee that their families will be care for them in their twilight years. Often times, seniors are abandoned by their kids.
I can relate. When I was younger, I never dated anyone who said he wanted to have kids. It was a dealbreaker.
I interviewed a lot of my friends who have children. They pretty much all said the same. They said they love their children very much. But they would have been just as happy and fullfilled if they would not have had any.
I see minivan owners look at me at the gas station when I fill up my corvette. I see no reason in trading my (carefree, independent) life. I only have to worry about myself and my dog.
I am 45 and yeah, it would be nice to have adult children now. But thinking of all the nerves and money they cost you until you get there - it is not for me. I don't like babies or toddlers. Too loud, too much noise, too selfish. Doesn't fit my lifestyle. I don't have the patience for that. I don't feel like I am missing out at all. Never regretted my choice. Maybe it is because I am always cleaning up behind my boyfriends, I get my whole mothering / caring for someone there
And I rather pay a nurse when I am old, from all the money I saved from not having children. Even if I had kids - I would not want to be a burden to them and have them take care of me. I will just go into assisted living - like most people who have kids. If you are really into connecting with the young - go volunteer somewhere and build these relationships so you have someone when you are old.
I don't really like Christmas, so I am not missing out there either. I sometimes go to friends houses if I feel like it.
I was 12 when I became comfortable with not having kids.
Were you exposed to children? I never really had much contact with babies/children ever. No younger siblings or relatives or neighbors, nothing. I always saw that parents of young children were always broke, stressed out, and complaining and I thought "why would I do that to myself???"
I am very loving, caring, and nurturing though to animals and partners.
I am older than Durpie22 and have a similar background and outlook on life.
Never had kids and sometimes I wonder, but it's not like if I never have kids it's going to be a huge regret. I enjoy my solitude and casual relationships.
Were you exposed to children? I never really had much contact with babies/children ever. No younger siblings or relatives or neighbors, nothing. I always saw that parents of young children were always broke, stressed out, and complaining and I thought "why would I do that to myself???"
I am very loving, caring, and nurturing though to animals and partners.
I was an only child. I found kids to be repugnant growing up. I always felt much better around adults than kids.
I found kids to be dumb, mean, and frankly boring as hell when I was a kid.
This is not a self loathing or bragging post. For the longest time like most people I had the goal of getting married and I have wanted kids. Not an overwhelming urge for kids, but I just wanted a family. Now I'm 40/M and have settled into a decent life for myself where I'm happy. I have a house and a career and it just feels late to start the long tiresome journey of starting a family.
I've realized that if I never have kids or get married, I will have absolutely no financial stress in my life or pressure to earn more or save more. I have a low mortgage payment on a decent sized house and no debt and save plenty each month and no one depending on me. If I had a family I could almost never earn too much.
I also have just never found the one and don't need a relationship to be happy. I'm never lonely or bored on my own. And I've never felt more complete or happier in a LTR, but I have enough going on for myself that I do still have flings or short term relationships sometimes. I've also had a fear of being stuck in an unhappy relationship like I see many of my friends who are married or divorced.
I guess my biggest fear with not having a family is who will I have when I get older? Who's going to care about me when I'm elderly and dying? I'll never have grandkids and all the family stuff around the holidays after my parents pass. Can anyone else relate??
I owned a 5 bedroom 2.5 bathroom house that I had bought in anticipation of getting married to a woman that I was dating when I was younger. I am closer to 50 than 40. Last year I sold it thinking I had probably aged out of having kids. Interest rates were really cheap so I used the proceeds to buy a fourplex not far from the beach that I might retire into later in Pacific Beach/La Jolla (in San Diego) and I bought another fourplex that I am now living in in Folsom (near Sacramento) trying to position myself for possibly being alone.
As luck would have it, afterwards I started dating a Pharmacist and she does want to get married and have kids. Am I older than I would prefer to have kids? Hell yes. But I will say that there are women capable of still having kids who are willing to date and marry guys well into their 40's. So if you really wanted to do this, I would say that door really isn't closed. Whether it is or isn't a good idea is something I am wrestling with right now. I really love my current girlfriend, I think I would enjoy being a father, but am I too old? That is something I am working through right now and I don't have an answer.
Were you exposed to children? I never really had much contact with babies/children ever. No younger siblings or relatives or neighbors, nothing. I always saw that parents of young children were always broke, stressed out, and complaining and I thought "why would I do that to myself???"
I am very loving, caring, and nurturing though to animals and partners.
I'm the youngest in my family, and I first became an aunt when I was 8 years old. I babysat all through high school and college to make money. I don't hate kids, and everyone always said that I was so kind and patient with them. At the same time, I would rather chew my arm off than have kids of my own. I think I only like kids when I can hand them back to the parents when they stop doing cute things.
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