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You should first start by making friends. Go to social events/meetup groups/etc. Get into more extroverted hobbies instead of introverted ones. These can help develop your social skills so that you're more comfortable dating, and maybe you'll meet some women through mutual friends too.
There are women out there who will find you attractive, interesting and likeable. It's just a numbers game, and maybe you have to come across many you're not compatible with to find the few that you are. But the right person will like you so much that they're willing to overlook a lack of experience, and as they get to know you, they won't be judgemental.
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I know that I should have taken time to improve myself
This is vague. What do you mean by this? What specific goals (with actionable concrete steps) do you have?
I also don't think you necessarily need to do X Y and Z before dating. You can work on improve yourself and meeting people at the same time.
OK, so remember "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." You'll have to put yourself on the line a bit. If you're simply acting friendly and someone snubs you, just move on.
Was there any trauma when you were little? That can have a lasting impact. Talking to a counselor might help you determine why your self-esteem is low and you can work on that. I'm a little concerned that you're putting it off because of your mother. It just postpones what you've been postponing for a long time and we an always find reasons (or excuses) to put things off. Don't make it "either or." Help your mom AND start chatting up some women. Good luck!
That's a key.
There's a tendency for people to postpone things that make you nervous or uncomfortable. You just have to make a decision and try.
I remember as a shy teen thinking things to death that made me nervous before finally deciding not to do them. To worry endlessly about looking foolish when probably nobody would notice. Or nobody would mind if you asked what seemed like a foolish question to you.
Im 42 going on 43 shouldn’t women around my age be over this kinda popularity contest/social validation stuff by now?
No. Of course not. Human nature is human nature. The 45 year old woman wants the top 20 percent guy the same way the 18 year old does. If you want to understand female nature look at a group of primates . We are no different . They all want the silverback.
Thanks for the reply I’m 100% percent not gay I have never questioned my sexuality in my whole life I like women. I have no cultural restrictions I was born into a white Canadian parents. My hang ups which I guess I should have mentioned in the original post were first it was I never got a license till almost 30 so I didn’t have a car or could afford one at that time, self esteem and confidence was another I just didn’t think a girl would like me, lack of experience another, lower paying job, living with parents still because I had to. Current I finally found a job that’s decent but I have another job on the side, living with parents help me save like 50 grand, I have a new car and If not for the sudden death of my father 3 months ago I was looking to move but for now I’m helping my mother. Maybe I’m not in the right frame of mind for a gf now
Those explanations really help! If you like dogs or cats, I do have a suggestion that you join a rescue group as a volunteer. They need help transporting dogs and cats (to vets, from shelters, etc.), fostering, or just helping with adoption events. I became involved in dog rescue as an old (married) lady due to my love of canines. But over the 20 years I have been affiliated with rescue groups I have seen many volunteers find partners within the rescue community…. Especially shy or socially awkward individuals. Just the fact they were interacting on a level of shared interest, and many single women are involved in rescue. Just a thought.
For an update I got the nerve today to ask a girl out from work today she is someone I have talked to and had good conversation with for a few months now and I finally got the nerve. Now I guess I got to try to relax and let things flow if it works out or not
I’m an older male who has never been good with women and never been in a relationship before and each year that has gone by without someone I feel worse. I have had chances in my life but there was always a road block. I know that I should have taken time to improve myself but I haven’t probably because of low self esteem and confidence. Even if I got into something I feel like I would be eaten alive with a women and she would see right through me.
How old are you? What was the road block?
Not all women are scary like the ones you see on TV, social media. Really. It's not normal. Get that vision out of your mind. Not all women need a man to be 6' in the gym 4 days a week or for him to be a bad boy. There are more women out there just as apprehensive and self-conscious as you say you are.
If you want something enough you'll do what it takes. Take the time to improve your appearance. Every time you go out of the house, dress like you are going to an interview. Get the haircut and lose a scraggly beard. Get your teeth fixed. You wanna have sweet breath. First impressions are vital. As you improve yourself, you'll get more confident when you know you look your best. A well-groomed man is attractive.
Are you worried about how you will perform in bed? Try not to take that step until later in a relationship when you feel more bonded to each other.
For an update I got the nerve today to ask a girl out from work today she is someone I have talked to and had good conversation with for a few months now and I finally got the nerve. Now I guess I got to try to relax and let things flow if it works out or not
I hope the date goes well. And even if nothing comes of it, maybe you get a referral-to-her-single-friend out of it. I'm right there with you, an older (closer to 50) male with little to write about. I can sympathize.
For an update I got the nerve today to ask a girl out from work today she is someone I have talked to and had good conversation with for a few months now and I finally got the nerve. Now I guess I got to try to relax and let things flow if it works out or not
Which do you like more, the girl, or the job? HR may make this decision for you.
Never fish from the Company pier.
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