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Hello all. I was on an international flight a few days ago and on the second part of the flight, was sitting at a window seat. The person next to me was a young girl in her early 20s, and in the aisle seat was a woman in her mid 40s. I am almost 35.
Anyways, after I refused some refreshments, this prompted the older woman to start a conversation with me. We ended up chatting for probably 2.5 hours (flight was 3.5 hours long and I slept for 30 min) about health/fitness, work, and other things. Found out she has kids in highschool and is married to a husband that travels a fair bit.
Thing is - I thought she had a great personality and I genuinely wanted to be friends with her. I hadn't had a random conversation like that in years that was so engaging. It is true that I find her attractive, but that's really not my goal unless she initiates it.
The question is, we didn't exchange numbers - didnt occur to me at the time, but in hindsight I should've asked. I googled her name + city and her twitter/fb/number came up. I dont have an active fb, and her twitter doesn't allow DMs so at best I could follow her and hope she follows back, but she isn't active on there. Which leaves her number as the only option. I'm a pretty attractive guy and I think she would be flattered if I reached out to her directly, but I know this method jumps so many levels of trust and has a chance of coming off as creepy. Is there any way to salvage this?
The reason I am even asking is because she lives in the same city as me. Again, I'm not looking for something romantic, but she seems like someone who could be a good friend if I pursued. She looks and talks much younger than she is.
I am thinking to text her and be 100% honest about everything - intent, how I found her, and also that I realize how I did this is over the top and that I understand if it's too much.
Last edited by areyouaweir; 04-03-2023 at 06:59 PM..
She's married. Did she say she's unhappily married? How do you think you'd be great friends? Sincerely asking...how do you expect to pursue a friendship with her? What kind of time would you expect from her?
Would you be comfortable with her bringing her husband with her? Her kids? How would you expect to grow this?
I'm thinking that in part, at least, the enjoyment of the encounter was the serendipity of it...and honestly, you should probably leave it at that. Have a happy, pleasant memory, and move on.
She's married. Did she say she's unhappily married? How do you think you'd be great friends? Sincerely asking...how do you expect to pursue a friendship with her? What kind of time would you expect from her?
Would you be comfortable with her bringing her husband with her? Her kids? How would you expect to grow this?
I'm thinking that in part, at least, the enjoyment of the encounter was the serendipity of it...and honestly, you should probably leave it at that. Have a happy, pleasant memory, and move on.
The only question you need to ask, is how you would feel if some random male reached out to your girlfriend or wife out of the blue in that same manner (and you need to be truthful about it).
Sorry but I don't buy that 'friendship' thing. If she wanted to keep in touch with you, she would have asked.
Quote:
It is true that I find her attractive, but that's really not my goal unless she initiates it.
She's married. Did she say she's unhappily married? How do you think you'd be great friends? Sincerely asking...how do you expect to pursue a friendship with her? What kind of time would you expect from her?
Would you be comfortable with her bringing her husband with her? Her kids? How would you expect to grow this?
I'm thinking that in part, at least, the enjoyment of the encounter was the serendipity of it...and honestly, you should probably leave it at that. Have a happy, pleasant memory, and move on.
This^^
It’s pretty easy to quickly develop feelings for someone you find so engaging and attractive. She’s taken, you can make other friends let her be.
She's married. Did she say she's unhappily married? How do you think you'd be great friends? Sincerely asking...how do you expect to pursue a friendship with her? What kind of time would you expect from her?
Would you be comfortable with her bringing her husband with her? Her kids? How would you expect to grow this?
I'm thinking that in part, at least, the enjoyment of the encounter was the serendipity of it...and honestly, you should probably leave it at that. Have a happy, pleasant memory, and move on.
She mentioned nothing about her marriage except that her husband travels for work. From her fb it appears she is very happily married.
The reason I say we might be good friends, is because 10 years ago I met someone at a bus stop talking about the same thing. We bonded over that quite a bit and that was the foundation of our friendship.
As far as time commitment - this isn't something I consciously consider when meeting someone new but since you ask, I would say maybe lunch or catching a workout. Not frequently but just keeping in touch.
As for meeting her husband/kids.. I think I wouldn't mind, but being honest that doesn't interest me.
At the very least I wouldn't mind following each other on twitter and seeing her at a major event a couple times a year. I would say that's the best way to describe what I want. To keep in touch via social media and see her a couple times a year at a social gathering. Doesn't even have to be one on one. 100% honest right there.
I'm being sincere when I say I have no romantic intent - I just dont want to lose touch with this person.
Last edited by areyouaweir; 04-03-2023 at 10:02 PM..
Seeing as the OP did not answer whether he would mind a situation if some random male contacted his wife/girlfriend out of the blue, and based on some of the things he's said on this thread, it's quite obvious he does have romantic interest in her.
Quote:
It is true that I find her attractive, but that's really not my goal unless she initiates it....
I'm a pretty attractive guy and I think she would be flattered if I reached out to her directly, but I know this method jumps so many levels of trust and has a chance of coming off as creepy....
As for meeting her husband/kids.. I think I wouldn't mind, but being honest that doesn't interest me....
Also why else would he post this thread in the Relationships section of this forum, and not the Non-Romantic Relationships section of this forum?
I doubt the OP would be as enthusiastic in wanting to contact her and keep in touch had she been a 60 year old, morbidly obese woman.
Anyways, I'm sure the OP will try to contact her regardless of what we say here, but he should do that first before getting too carried away with the future scenarios where they keep in touch on social media and meet up every so often in person. He doesn't even know if she'd respond positively, or even respond at all.
And if anyone has an issue with my thoughts, anyone that asks for feedback on their situation here, should be prepared to listen to all feedback good or bad.
Seeing as the OP did not answer whether he would mind a situation if some random male contacted his wife/girlfriend out of the blue, and based on some of the things he's said on this thread, it's quite obvious he does have romantic interest in her.
Also why else would he post this thread in the Relationships section of this forum, and not the Non-Romantic Relationships section of this forum?
I doubt the OP would be as enthusiastic in wanting to contact her and keep in touch had she been a 60 year old, morbidly obese woman.
Anyways, I'm sure the OP will try to contact her regardless of what we say here, but he should do that first before getting too carried away with the future scenarios where they keep in touch on social media and meet up every so often in person. He doesn't even know if she'd respond positively, or even respond at all.
And if anyone has an issue with my thoughts, anyone that asks for feedback on their situation here, should be prepared to listen to all feedback good or bad.
I would not mind if a guy wanted to be friends with my wife. Just as I would not mind being friends with a girl if I were married. I would hope that my wife trusts me and that I trust her enough to have friends of the opposite sex. In my social circles I frequently have spent time with partners of my friends and nothing happened.
I posted in the relationships section because of the nature of what I'm doing. It is a touchy subject that could use advice coming from that perspective.
Obviously, attractive people want to be friends with other attractive people. Human nature. You're right, if she was ugly I wouldn't care. Regardless, I was drawn to her personality. All of that makes a person either someone you want to be around or someone you don't.
If I was seriously interested in pursuing something romantic I would've flirted with her. I didn't. It was a platonic conversation.
If it makes you feel good thinking I want to wreck her marriage, then by all means knock your socks off, but I don't. Genuine connections with people are not easy to come by. In my experience people who think this way are self projecting because they themselves are the type of people who they accuse others of being.
Heck, even with guy friends I tend to seek out guys that are well put together. Its just human nature to want to be around attractive people, regardless of gender.
I should've expected hostility making this topic, many married men who are overly distrusting of their wives probably browse here.
Also I should add, I dont even see this woman in a sexual way. Hasn't even crossed my mind, whereas if this was a 25 year old I would've fantasized about all manner of things by now. All I said was that she was easy on the eyes.
Last edited by areyouaweir; 04-03-2023 at 11:10 PM..
Get a grip! She's married and now you're cyber stalking this woman, lol?
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