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Hi All,
I have been playin guitar pretty much every day with a guy, he is younger than I am but we really have a lot of the same music in common. We are getting to know each other while we play. The goal is to learn some songs together really well and play some local coffee houses, fun!
Here's the thing, we are now spending other time together, watching movies, talking, and there have been text messages asking if I feel better (I had some bug) and we have just been hangin out, every day, he has even come over without his guitar a couple of times...
I am attracted to him, and I have gone out with younger guys, and he knows this... but he has never come on to me, could he just be shy? Does a guy spend this much time with a woman that he isn't interested in??? And... should I say something, I mean, I would like to go out with him maybe, but I also don't want to mess up out little band. What to do?
I once read a "he says/she says" relationship advice column where the two columnists would give the male and female perspective on the same question. A female reader wrote in to ask, "Can't men and women ever be friends with each other without the man wanting to have sex with the woman?" The female columnist's response waxed prosaic for several paragraphs about the beauty and innocuousness of platonic male/female relationships. Right next to it was the male columnist's one-word response: "No."
So, if I had to guess, I'd say he's probably into you and maybe even believes that he's already made the first move by spending quality time with you outside of your "working" relationship.
So many relationships seem to be borne out of musical collaboration. Mates of State. Quasi. Fleming and John. White Stripes. Rue Royale. The Like Young. Fleetwood Mac pretty much passing bandmates around to each other. You get the picture.
Ask him out. Maybe he is shy and is waiting to see what your intent is.
That's just it, I am not even sure what my intent is. I like him and I am attracted to him, and in fact, have developed a little crush, but he is much younger than I am and I am no cougar...
So like, how much younger are we talking here -- what are your respective ages if I may ask? And if you're not sure of your own intentions, it may be worth sorting that out before trying to sort out his.
Don't rush it.
Enjoy your common interest in the music and let the friendship develope. It might bring about a more intimate relationship in the future. Nature, or love, will take it's course.
What will be, will be.
He might just be looking for an older comfort figure.
I don't mean that to be derogatory. I don't know the age difference.
Enjoy the company, don't push, see where the relationship goes over a period of time.
I know couples who have years of difference in age and have been happily together for decades. I am not one that thinks if two people are age different they can not be happy.
Give it some time and see where it goes but don't invest your life on what could be an unfullfilled dream if his intentions aren't what you want them to be.
Maybe he's just a very nice guy and is not one to just jump your bones. He may be younger...but you have to admit he's got respect for you.
That or he's gay?
Maybe he has another gal. I had a great platonic relationship with a younger guy one summer. We spent 3 weeks in adjoining hotel rooms while doing field work, we worked alone together everyday, did a lot of fun stuff all summer. If he would have made a move I would have been all over it, but he didnt and I didnt. Just enjoy the friendship.
First.. he may be wary.. if he thinks you are just being friendly and he asks you out... and you don't want to.. he ruins the friendship and the potential group.
Second.. in today's society.. depending on which women's libber you talk to, being asked out can get you jumped on as attempted date rape. (No... not first hand experience.. yes.. an exaggeration.. but, you intelligent ones will get my point! )
Third.. he's shy and a little intimidated by the age difference and wants you to make the first move (or give him an overt sign that it's okay to try to advance the relationship... try licking your eyebrow with your tongue.. that normally was a "go" sign to me.)
Or he really just wants to be friends.
In all seriousness now.. if you are interested... I think in today's day and age (and since you are older and there really may be some intimidation with that)... I'd just bring it up in coversation with him. But the call is really yours. The way it sounds now, you'd probably have to make the first move.
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