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I have a level of respect for all people. Even people I don't know. I give them the respect that I would want them to give to me.
People like my DH and my Parents, even my son, have earned a great deal of respect from me, I respect them much more than I respect most others. I especially admire and respect my husband.
I lose respect for someone when they prove themselves untrustworthy. When they prove that they do not have any respect for themselves or anyone around them. I suppose I just require more from myself than I do from other people. I have to work very hard to keep my respect, but it's pretty much effortless for the people close to me to keep my respect.
Oh, and I do not automatically respect someone because of their position in a religious group or financial position. I believe there are poor people out there who are a whole lot more respectable than some of the rich folk I have met!
I have a level of respect for all people. Even people I don't know. I give them the respect that I would want them to give to me.
People like my DH and my Parents, even my son, have earned a great deal of respect from me, I respect them much more than I respect most others. I especially admire and respect my husband.
I lose respect for someone when they prove themselves untrustworthy. When they prove that they do not have any respect for themselves or anyone around them. I suppose I just require more from myself than I do from other people. I have to work very hard to keep my respect, but it's pretty much effortless for the people close to me to keep my respect.
Oh, and I do not automatically respect someone because of their position in a religious group or financial position. I believe there are poor people out there who are a whole lot more respectable than some of the rich folk I have met!
Yep. That's the way it should be. Of course, the walking wounded will say, "Why I had a friend say bad things behind my back in 1988 and I had a youth minister who was kind of creepy in 1977, so I'll be damned if I'll trust anybody ever again. And if you really knew me, you'd understand." Blah blah blah blahblabbity blah.
What they're really doing is nursing real and imagined slights from decades ago, and then making virtues of their neuroses. The problem is that they become such toxic personalities that nobody really wants to waste time on them. Then they whine and complain about how the world isn't nice to them. It's kind of a vicious circle, and it's a shame they don't really get it.
And, by the way, what does one really mean by "you have to earn my respect"? Does it mean that you have to watch that person carefully for the next year, scrutinizing every word, every action, for purity? At what point has enough respect been earned for one to deign to talk to somebody? Is there some arbitrary checklist of tasks that those people have to perform?
I'll tell you it means. It means that one has to jump through hoops to be treated like a decent, honest person. It means that every person is subject to suspicion until they've proven otherwise (Another really insulting proposition if you think about it). As a result, most of the "Earn My Respect" crowd wind up in life with an astonishingly small universe of those who care about them, usually limited to five or six pets (otherwise known as substitute friends) and the occasional lickspittle who is equally neurotic and difficult to deal with.
Of course, the self-styled lone wolves will say it's a sensible precaution, never realizing how ludicrous that kind of stance really is. For who wants to have any kind of relationship with some fractious soul who might as well have a ginormous "Proceed With Caution" sign around his or her neck? Life is just waaaaaaaayyyyyyyy too freaking short for that.
Of course, the self-styled lone wolves will say it's a sensible precaution, never realizing how ludicrous that kind of stance really is. For who wants to have any kind of relationship with some fractious soul who might as well have a ginormous "Proceed With Caution" sign around his or her neck? Life is just waaaaaaaayyyyyyyy too freaking short for that.
Of course, those who have never been burned have no fear of fire...
If you want to live a life where you have an "Open 24/7" sign hanging on your chest, be my guest. Some of us have worn that sign in the past and seen the results of wearing it, so now we're a bit more circumspect in accepting others into our world.
Respect has little to do with trust, which is what I think you're talking about here.
When I was growing up I was told that you automatically respect some people based on their station in life. Your parents for example of the minister at the church.
WELL, lets start with this one minister. He laid out the plans for us KIDS to go ingathering for the church. They would excuse you from a day at school if you went out and did this. You asked for money and passed out religious tracts. He made NO EFFORT to investigate the safeness of the neighborhoods he sent us to and a group of kids were found and escorted from a VERY unsafe neighborhood and admonished by the police to NEVER return to this area. I felt that this man didn't deserve my respect after that little performance.
As for my parents, I feel that they didn't deserve my respect for the abuse I endured at their hands and the abuse I endured at the hands of my brother and sister. Your TITLE doesn't buy an indulgence for that.
It seems in my case my culture tried to set me up to be like a Stepford Wife, just follow along and don't ask any questions, don't upset the boat.
What brought this to mind is the thread where it speaks about Mothers who talk down to their daughters. Why do so many seem to just accept it like its OK? Its NOT OK !!
Anyone can give birth, anyone can exchange bodily fluids, that doesn't mean they deserve respect for that.
This kind of teaching is dangerous. It leads men into marriages where they are not respected, it leads women into marriages where they are not respected.
I was raised in a culture where the man was the head of the house hold so if he wanted to slap you around, you took it. You had no right to divorce and if you did you were NEVER allowed to remarry or you would go to hell. How insane is that?
I don't dole out my respect easily. You have to prove you deserve it before I bestow it on you. Throw around your titles, your degrees, your money, your political position, its all meaningless to me. Its all about how you behave, its all about how you treat people, its all about how you live your life.
I agree; respect is earned...It isn't a given (look at Father Geoghan a pedophile, I was raised Catholic and had a psychotic aunt who believed all priests are innocent of child abuse)
Society in this country is skewed, and distorted. IMO we need to decide for ourselves, people who help and stand up for others, despite the odds are to be admired; I haven't seen many religious leaders do this.
I respect people who have courage to go against the status quo, make a difference, (oh, and anyone/celebrities who aren't regularly featured by tabloids, etc..lol)
Who said anything about money and titles being the determinants of respect? My friends come from all walks of life. Our parties are pretty interesting mixes of people.
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You apparently didn't read or understand my Original Post and have made incorrect assumptions about what I have said.
I don't automatically respect someone based on a title, like minister, Mom, Dad or how much money they have. I was raised to give respect based on these criteria and quickly identified that it was BS.
I never dis-respect someone I don't know, I just take a wait and see attitude. I make no assumptions about whether someone is trustworthy just because they are a doctor, or whatever. I wait to take inventory of their personality, their behavior, not WHO they are to society.
I was trying to say that I was brought up to jump through hoops, never examine the BS I was handed to just follow along and do what I was told. It didn't work. The harder someone pushes me, the LESS likely I am to follow along. I believe my culture set me up to swallow things without examining what I was being fed. That is what happens if you automatically give respect based on someones title or station in life. Respect has to be given or granted based on performance.
I always give people the benefit of the doubt and respect them from the onset.
If the trust is broken or skewed it is almost impossible to rebuild any kind of relationship with the person in question.
Personally I think I give off a signal to grifters. I don't mean OH POOR ME but it just seems that they gravitate to me and I don't have the best judgement to pick out the idiots. So I reserve giving trust to people until they have demonstrated they deserve it.
Someone whose self-respect is in alignment with reality.
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