Quote:
Originally Posted by bxlefty23
because marriage is archaic and puttng feeling into a contract is pointless other than for tax and insurance purposes
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That I believe is one of the biggest problems. A lot of people today do see marriage as a contract with all it's little fine print and benefits, but also with all the little loop holes that it can have.
I don't believe marriage is archaic, I just think people are a lot less committed these days. Marriage didn't used to be viewed as a contract but more like a covenant (promise) between the two entering into it. Along with that came a sense of commitment to holding on to that promise.
People also didn't rush into marriage or base it solely on emotion. Viewing it as a lifelong commitment, they were a little more careful in choosing their partner. Parental influence was often involved to a certain extent depending on how far back you go.
Nowadays, because they see the loophole; because unlike the years and years ago, at the start of the relationship getting serious and heading in the direction of marriage, there is a sometimes subconcious notion that if it doesn't work out it's okay we can just get a divorce, I think a lot of people simply don't take the decision as seriously or give it as deep consideration. Often times they go on feelings and sadly that is how they live out their marriage too, based on feelings.
The older generation, I believe, understood that love was more than just a feeling, as was/is commitment. Getting married was a decision they made. Sticking it out through good times, bad times, easy times and hard times was equally a decision that was made.
In my opinion, marriage is not something that can rely solely on feelings. Afterall, anytime two people get together, there are going to be times when all the good feelings are there. Love, joy, satisfaction, excitement, etc. There are also going to be times when you simply don't feel those feelings because life happens, things happen, problems sometimes manifest and you have to find ways to get past the hurdles together. I think the older generations had a better grasp on that truth than what we see today.
I come from a very large family where long marriages are very much the common thing. Divorces are not common, not saying some have not occured, but they are not the common. Therefore, at a very early age there were things that I learned about marriage. About the commitment that it is and about how it should be entered into. I know, for example, that there are going to be days that I simply may not "like" my husband, or days when I am not "feeling" the love. However, I also know that loving my husband is a choice that I make and a choice that I make daily at that. I love him despite his flaws, I love him through mistakes, I choose to love him in good times (which comes easy), I choose to love him in hard times (which comes harder).
The morning after my husband and I got married we went out to breakfast and of course our car was all decked up with the "Just Married" signs everywhere. People at the restaraunt seemingly put together we were that couple. We had people coming up to us saying congratulations, a waitress bringing us a decorated breakfast cookie, the works. It was amazing. Then our waitress came and told us that another couple paid our breakfast and told her to tell us that they wish us 37 years of happiness as they have had.
Well we figured out the table that did it and as they were leaving we told them thank you. She gave a word of advice.. she said when things get tough and they will, just take a deep breath and just keep on going. I think that is the difference. It's not when things get tough pack up and go get an attorney, file for divorce and move on. No, it's take a deep breath and keep on going, together, working it through.
Of course that takes two commited people, and that is what I think is missing in a lot of marriages today. Too many see divorce as such an easy option, some even see it as a first response to tough situations, when in fact it should be as a last resort and under very specific circumstances only. Somethings in a marriage, yes you absolutely cannot overlook and sometimes divorce is the only option. However, most things, and a lot of things that people get divorced over nowadays, simply are not solid enough reasons that could not have been worked through or overcome had the couple stuck it out a bit longer.
Things like.. we just fell out of love.. well two people that really want to make the marriage work can find ways to fall in love again. It takes effort, yes. But that is what marriage is about, both putting forth the effort to make it work.
I'm 38 and my husband is 41, so who know's if we will have 50+ years under our belt with our marriage. What I do know is that we are both in it for the long haul and neither of us see's divorce as an option. We are committed to working through any and all difficulties and staying together. There is only, I believe, two deal breakers in our relationship and that is infidelity and physical abuse. Something we both discussed very early on, in great depth, prior to committing to marriage. Everything else, we believe can be worked out so long as we both continue to remain devoted to our marriage and each other and our decision to stick it out come what may.
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. We (wife/I) think that's a "cop out" and a bunch of "Bull", but that is our opinion. Marriage is a COMMITTMENT
that some folks just don't want. 
