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So I have always had a very lukewarm interest in religion. I believe in God but do not know enough about Christianity (or any other religion) to establish a real relationship with it. I know that there are a lot of strict guidelines to follow if you are saved and I feel like my life would not change very much if I were to follow those rules (with the exception of premarital sex, an occasional cocktail, and an occasional curse word).
My current boyfriend is already a great guy but he wants to start living the way Christianity says that he should. I think that this is great for him, but I'm not sure if I can put my full heart into it. I think it would be absurd to end the best relationship that I've had because he wants to be closer to God (it could only make him a better man) but I've been to church many times in my life and have never felt the need to become a woman of God to improve my life. I can deal with the lifestyle for the most part (sex? I don't want to stop, but I will.. but I draw the line at only listening to Christian music) but I don't know if it's the right thing to do.. especially because it's not important to me get married.. ever! I'm willing to start going to church more and learning more to see if I develop a deeper interest, but I know myself pretty well and have my doubts that I can be as serious about it as he plans to be. I love him but I'm really afraid that this will come between us eventually. What would you guys do?
Actually, I'm a devout Roman Catholic, go to church every Sunday, never have promiscious sex, and am trying to get closer to God by praying, reading the Bible or religious books. My only flaw is my crossdressing, and I hope to God that God would let me to Heaven despite of that, as long as I believe in Jesus. If I get GFs that don't beleive in Christ or have other religions I might convert them.
As much as I'd like sex with them maybe I wouldn't do it because it's a mortal sin and what if you die the next day then go to Hell? Plus I fear catching any STD from promiscious sex soo much. And then actually sometimes I think I don't want to die a virgin...
I think I would have had a more blessed life if I was a stronger Christian and resisted crossdressing better.
LOL at drawing the line at listening to Christian music!
This would be an issue for me as well if I were single. I would probably run the other way, however I'm sure thats easier said than done if feelings are attached.
I would keep an open mind and look at it as a learning experience. Maybe you will feel like this is something you want as well, maybe not. Maybe if its not for you, you can communicate it to him, and he will understand. As a couple, you don't have to be twins and believe in everything the same, but for some people religion is so important that they do need a partner who believes as they do.
Sounds like you love each other, but love is not always enough for a successful relationship. Also, if he decides to abstain from sex, be careful! You say you're not interested in marriage, and it seems a man who abstains from sex may be quick to pop the question, so he doesn't have to abstain anymore!
Wow. I don't think it's a great idea to try to change yourself to that extent...spirituality is a very personal thing, and it sounds like he's pushing you to believe what he believes, which tells me he's not okay with you AS YOU ARE. I respect everyone's choice concerning religion, so I won't spout my beliefs here, but I will say that being someone who is pushing you into his comfort zone and out of your own will end in resentment & hurt feelings down the line. Unless you like the idea of jamming out to Jesus tunes and having very little sex for the rest of your life...!
So I have always had a very lukewarm interest in religion. I believe in God but do not know enough about Christianity (or any other religion) to establish a real relationship with it. I know that there are a lot of strict guidelines to follow if you are saved and I feel like my life would not change very much if I were to follow those rules (with the exception of premarital sex, an occasional cocktail, and an occasional curse word).
My current boyfriend is already a great guy but he wants to start living the way Christianity says that he should. I think that this is great for him, but I'm not sure if I can put my full heart into it. I think it would be absurd to end the best relationship that I've had because he wants to be closer to God (it could only make him a better man) but I've been to church many times in my life and have never felt the need to become a woman of God to improve my life. I can deal with the lifestyle for the most part (sex? I don't want to stop, but I will.. but I draw the line at only listening to Christian music) but I don't know if it's the right thing to do.. especially because it's not important to me get married.. ever! I'm willing to start going to church more and learning more to see if I develop a deeper interest, but I know myself pretty well and have my doubts that I can be as serious about it as he plans to be. I love him but I'm really afraid that this will come between us eventually. What would you guys do?
This subject is really a hot button for a lot of people. I'm not really a religious person, more spiritual. I believe in a higher power of some sort, don't really know how to label it. God? maybe I don't know.
Most religions at their very basic core are about trying to instill some morality into man. I agree with most of the basic tenets of Christianity.
I think organized religion in general has been hijacked by people that want to control you. I don't mean to offend people here just making an observation. Like I said earlier the basic tenets about treating people the way you want to be treated etc are all good.
Chris Rock has a funny bit about religion. He talks about how Jewish people don't eat pork. It's not that God doesn't want you to eat pork, man added that bit because of not handling meat properly and lack of refrigeration people were getting sick so hence "God" doesn't want you eating meat. So you see what I mean earlier about man and using religion as a form of control.
So to answer your question do what you believe is right and you'll probably be Ok. I've been with my girlfriend a hundred years and were not married, are we going to hell because of it. I don't think so. We treat each other with respect and try to be kind and respectful to everyone we deal with. I think living your life and trying to be the best person you can be is the true test. Not whether you go and sit in the pews and give 10 percent of your income to some "organization"
There is a wide pendalum in Christianity, you just have to find something that fits you. Personally, I went through a phase a few years ago where I was just tired of organized religion (I've never lost my faith in God, only religion). I was raised a Christian and it's only because of my beliefs that I've made it through some pretty dark times in my life so I definitely think it's a good idea for you find a way to tap in to your spirituality. You don't have to be in an organized Religion to pray and talk to God, where it comes into play (for me anyway) is when you're either conflicted about what to do about something or going through something.
So, if your bf is saying to you that you have to become a member of his religion in order to continue to date, it's a personal choice only you can make. I've heard of people who change religions for love. So I don't think it's a "trying to change you" thing. It's just what they believe. If his beliefs conflict with yours then it's a problem, however, since you already believe in God I say what's the harm in at least checking it out. If you don't like it at least you can say you tried and you won't have any regrets if the relationship doesn't work out.
Thank you all so far for your input. It's good to have my ideas of how to handle the situation confirmed.. I'm going to give it the good ol' college try and see if I develop a deeper interest in it. I've kind of been having an issue with the idea of doing this for love.. I definitely agree that if I do it, it would have to be for myself. However, I don't want to be the girl that dumped her boyfriend because he "got into church" because I definitely think that it's a good thing. I already told my boyfriend that I was afraid that I wasn't going to be able to live up to Christian expectations and he said that he understands.
you need to be you. don't try to be him. let him go live his life he will have to resolve it. he may be surprised to find there are some real losers in the church.
i suspect you are a winner that does not like to go to church.
I think living your life and trying to be the best person you can be is the true test. Not whether you go and sit in the pews and give 10 percent of your income to some "organization"
Chowhound gives us a nugget of true wisdom.
If you want to really guage how FAIR he is to the opposite sex, tell him you'll only consider marrying him if he stops being Christian and just becomes a 'rather spiritual person' like yourself. If he balks at this idea, you know he does not consider YOUR religious beliefs to be as important as his own.
If you have 'spirituality' but do not have religion, do not fear, you're probably A-OK. If you want to pick a religion (say christianity) I would highly recommend you actually read the fine print before you sign in blood. First, skim through the Old Testament. Jehovah (a.k.a "The Grinder") really was quite a menace back in the day, and it's written he ordered genocide on a massive scale and his people obeyed to the letter.
The New Testament is almost like a completely different religion. Jesus comes along and basically counterpoints "The Holy Unquenchable Wrath of God" with "Sometimes God Loves People, Too." Only a master theologian can tell you why God is such a brutal killer but his son is a gentle teacher. The sermon on the mount really was way ahead of it's time, and IMHO you can take a razor blade and cut out those pages of the Bible, and you can probably chuck the rest.
As for your relationship with this dude, I would treat religion like music. "I would never marry a woman unless she listened to rap music all the time!" If he said that, it would be the same idea. If you already liked rap music to begin with, then why not? However if you hated rap music, forcing yourself to spend time doing something you hate would only lead to the demise of the relationship, especially when your love for him waned.
Based on what you've told us, I say give it a brief try. You'll know within the first month of being a True Blue Believer whether it is the right choice for you. Having worked behind-the-scenes at church quite a bit, I realized that most people at those churches don't really believe that crap anyway.. They are just Hedging their Holy Bets so they don't fry in Hell
This sounds headed for Let's-Just-Be-Friends-ville. He probably needs to find someone more compatible on a religious level.
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