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I called my son this afternoon while they were on their way to my MIL's house and he sounded really funny. I asked him where they were and he said the name of a road near their house.
Well, when they got home tonight I said "Christopher, what was wrong when I called?"
He said "Mom, when you asked where we were all I wanted to say was 'We're on the highway to hell' but I knew Dad would be mad."....haha...I thought that was pretty witty...
Thanks for the welcome. DIL is really a good egg. She just follows much to close to my son! When I'm giving her advice, etc., I tell her, just let me think I'm helping and go and do what you want too. She has actually come and stayed with us - just her and the baby. I think I'm more upset with him than her by a long shot.
talk about DIL wanting to be glued at the hip...his father told me, once at one of their family dinners...my son got up to go to the rest room, and she went along??????? How nuts is that?
Now come on... I love my boys and I hope I love their wives...it's my daughter I worry about...she is very protective of her brothers and gives my oldest one a hard time about girls...I trained her well, huh??
yanno what I suggest, seriously, so that you are aware...do a search on MIL's and go in and read some of the comments made by DIL's. It is so much of a wake up call, to see how jealous they are of their husband's mothers....what bothers them, and how some of them say, their MIL will never see their grandchildren...I'm not saying that in every case, the MIL is perfect...but to actualy deny grandparents that right???? How hateful and vindictive is that...I don't care what the problems are between the two women, you don't deny the child of family...
I've read where one DIL said, she can't stand the fact that when the inlaws come to visit, they sleep in the spare bedroom...and then she goes...ewwww....and states, that she has to wash everything down after they leave?????? How sick is that?
Because my DIL displays this kind of behavior, it really not only made me more aware, but sparked a realization, that I've been living in some dream world of my own....thinking that this is the kind of thing you only see in movies...
Also, what surprises me, is how alike these women are...they're MO is so identical...I've talked with other mothers who are suffering the same thing and they say the same things that I do about their sons, their DIL's. So, as isolated of a case I think mine is, it was comforting to meet others who are dealing with the same thing.
I want to thank everyone who came in, especially those who do encourage your husbands to have relationships with their families, their mothers...and to spend quality time with them. You are truly kind mature women...and it's nice to know, that so many of you do so....men seem to be so passive, and so eager to keep peace...they are forgetful, by nature, and for those of you wives who do insist they spend quality time with their mothers....GOOD FOR YOU, your mature, wise and caring to do so.
I have spoken with some DIL's who insist their husbands take their mothers out on a date night, to dinner...one I know of takes his mother once a month...which is so nice, gives her something to look forward to.
A very kind gesture.
Also, would like to talk to the MIL's as well...I think it is essential, that you take quality time with your DIL's. You should never call their home and not ask to speak with her...you should give her the same recognition you give your sons....take her to lunch, shopping, a show...but do something special with her maybe for a belated birthday, etc. Someone told me once, that every mother's day, they sent a Mother's Day card to her MIL, thanking her...b/c she said, if it were not for her, I wouldn't have my hubby. I cried when I heard that.
So, we all tend to take for granted sometimes, what is right in front of our noses....don't be like the friend I had over the other weekend, take time for your extended family...hug, tell them you love them, do special things for them...b/c life my friends, is way to short, and the older you grow, the shorter it becomes, it goes so fast...then you sit and say, ohhh, I should have done this, or I should have done that...never ever be to busy for people....or forget that your son's wife, or your daughter's husband is a person who is family to.
Oh creme, the statement about the spare bedroom is ridiculous...where else would they stay? That was just a nasty person talking.
Last night, my children went with my husband to his parents home and my daughter went into the basement and found a doll to play with and my MIL took the doll from her and said "You cannot play with that. I bought those dolls for your cousins."
That's the kind of stuff I'm talking about. I can't change it and my husbands father has a degenerative disease and I will not make huge waves...but I won't be going over there to act as their target. My husband has to work overtime when he is there running interference with the parents in order to protect the kids and visiting with his dad because I won't go anymore.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee
yanno what I suggest, seriously, so that you are aware...do a search on MIL's and go in and read some of the comments made by DIL's. It is so much of a wake up call, to see how jealous they are of their husband's mothers....what bothers them, and how some of them say, their MIL will never see their grandchildren...I'm not saying that in every case, the MIL is perfect...but to actualy deny grandparents that right???? How hateful and vindictive is that...I don't care what the problems are between the two women, you don't deny the child of family...
I've read where one DIL said, she can't stand the fact that when the inlaws come to visit, they sleep in the spare bedroom...and then she goes...ewwww....and states, that she has to wash everything down after they leave?????? How sick is that?
Because my DIL displays this kind of behavior, it really not only made me more aware, but sparked a realization, that I've been living in some dream world of my own....thinking that this is the kind of thing you only see in movies...
Also, what surprises me, is how alike these women are...they're MO is so identical...I've talked with other mothers who are suffering the same thing and they say the same things that I do about their sons, their DIL's. So, as isolated of a case I think mine is, it was comforting to meet others who are dealing with the same thing.
Oh creme, the statement about the spare bedroom is ridiculous...where else would they stay? That was just a nasty person talking.
Last night, my children went with my husband to his parents home and my daughter went into the basement and found a doll to play with and my MIL took the doll from her and said "You cannot play with that. I bought those dolls for your cousins."
That's the kind of stuff I'm talking about. I can't change it and my husbands father has a degenerative disease and I will not make huge waves...but I won't be going over there to act as their target. My husband has to work overtime when he is there running interference with the parents in order to protect the kids and visiting with his dad because I won't go anymore.
My God, what do people get out of being so nasty??? So self imposed????
I'm sorry, but you don't do that to a child????
I don't blame you, and yanno, Your fil may be sick b/c of her...stress plays a very important part when it comes to health. What a miserable woman...I'm sorry, but she is.
I wouldn't go either...your poor husband and what he must have had to put up with?
My God, what do people get out of being so nasty??? So self imposed????
I'm sorry, but you don't do that to a child????
I don't blame you, and yanno, Your fil may be sick b/c of her...stress plays a very important part when it comes to health. What a miserable woman...I'm sorry, but she is.
I wouldn't go either...your poor husband and what he must have had to put up with?
Hugs
Creme
I actually really like my FIL...he is very funny and he is not oblivious but maybe a bit weary of her shenanigans...
This sounds odd but I listen to peoples word choices before I listen to their stories because from their word choices comes the truth about their personality...she is VERY negative which is sad.
Ya' know, you may be right about his illness being exascerbated by the marriage. The illness has progressed so wuickly it is alarming nad she "teases" him about putting his "crippled self into a nursing home if he starts cutting into her shopping time" ...she giggles afterward but she is not kidding.... maybe I should go kidnap him from the wicked witch
I actually really like my FIL...he is very funny and he is not oblivious but maybe a bit weary of her shenanigans...
This sounds odd but I listen to peoples word choices before I listen to their stories because from their word choices comes the truth about their personality...she is VERY negative which is sad.
Ya' know, you may be right about his illness being exascerbated by the marriage. The illness has progressed so wuickly it is alarming nad she "teases" him about putting his "crippled self into a nursing home if he starts cutting into her shopping time" ...she giggles afterward but she is not kidding.... maybe I should go kidnap him from the wicked witch
she makes me very angry...how wicked she is...someday, she will have to reap the benefits of the ache she has caused him...someone should tape her, and then play it back to her, let her hear how wicked she sounds...can you imagine, if someone would say those things to HER???? She probably have a corinary?
I swear, some people are really awful human beings.
she makes me very angry...how wicked she is...someday, she will have to reap the benefits of the ache she has caused him...someone should tape her, and then play it back to her, let her hear how wicked she sounds...can you imagine, if someone would say those things to HER???? She probably have a corinary?
I swear, some people are really awful human beings.
Mu husband said something to her when his dad had surgery...she said she was going to keep him in the hospital instead of letting him come home for rehab so she could go to lunch with her friends...
Everyone is afraid of her so most people don't say anything...
I have spoken with some DIL's who insist their husbands take their mothers out on a date night, to dinner
Also, would like to talk to the MIL's as well...I think it is essential, that you take quality time with your DIL's. You should never call their home and not ask to speak with her...you should give her the same recognition you give your sons....take her to lunch, shopping, a show...but do something special with her maybe for a belated birthday, etc. Someone told me once, that every mother's day, they sent a Mother's Day card to her MIL, thanking her...b/c she said, if it were not for her, I wouldn't have my hubby. I cried when I heard that.
This all sounds a bit over the top to me to be honest. Especially the son taking his Mother out for a regular date night. That honestly just seems odd to me. The occassional dinner out, lovely. Weekly date nights with just the two of them...... seems weird to me. That should be something he does with his wife, not his Mother.
I don't need or want to speak to my MIL on a weekly or bi-weekly basis. I like her very much and enjoy spending time with her when we visit and occassionally chat, but my DH is her son, and they should be able to have a seperate relationship without me always trying to get hold of the phone or meeting up with her seperately on a regular basis.
My DH took my Mom to a baseball game (without me) while she was visiting and she loved that. Once in a while things like that can be lovely, but I would find it a strain if it were constant and expected. It would make me want to be less involved, not more involved.
It does sound like you have very high expectations of your son and DIL. My parents love my DH and I think his parents are fond of me, but we would not live up to your expectations either I'm afraid.
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