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1. So many adults have been raised by divorced parents, and had no good examples of what marriage looks like. People go into marriage having no idea what to expect. They expect it to be flowers and romance for years on end, or else they might think that they can change their spouse. Once reality sets in, they want outta there!
2. Society stresses "finding yourself," "looking out for number one," and other attitudes that lead people to believe that not only is there something better around the corner, but that it does not matter who they hurt in order to find that something better.
3. Traditional values have gone by the wayside. When both partners are competing to fulfill the same roles in a marriage, I think it makes it harder to work together.
4. Divorce is culturally acceptable for reasons such as "we just don't get along anymore," "I love him, but I'm not IN LOVE with him," "we hardly ever talk," "we just have different goals," etc. This makes it much easier to justify/rationalize divorce in these types of situations... people don't realize that marriages have high times and low times, and a husband or wife or both might not be willing to put in the work to get out of a rut.
1. So many adults have been raised by divorced parents, and had no good examples of what marriage looks like. People go into marriage having no idea what to expect. They expect it to be flowers and romance for years on end, or else they might think that they can change their spouse. Once reality sets in, they want outta there!
2. Society stresses "finding yourself," "looking out for number one," and other attitudes that lead people to believe that not only is there something better around the corner, but that it does not matter who they hurt in order to find that something better.
3. Traditional values have gone by the wayside. When both partners are competing to fulfill the same roles in a marriage, I think it makes it harder to work together.
4. Divorce is culturally acceptable for reasons such as "we just don't get along anymore," "I love him, but I'm not IN LOVE with him," "we hardly ever talk," "we just have different goals," etc. This makes it much easier to justify/rationalize divorce in these types of situations... people don't realize that marriages have high times and low times, and a husband or wife or both might not be willing to put in the work to get out of a rut.
Wow, there isn't one thing in this post I disagree with. You make some excellent points. Reps for you.
1. So many adults have been raised by divorced parents, and had no good examples of what marriage looks like. People go into marriage having no idea what to expect. They expect it to be flowers and romance for years on end, or else they might think that they can change their spouse. Once reality sets in, they want outta there!
2. Society stresses "finding yourself," "looking out for number one," and other attitudes that lead people to believe that not only is there something better around the corner, but that it does not matter who they hurt in order to find that something better.
3. Traditional values have gone by the wayside. When both partners are competing to fulfill the same roles in a marriage, I think it makes it harder to work together.
4. Divorce is culturally acceptable for reasons such as "we just don't get along anymore," "I love him, but I'm not IN LOVE with him," "we hardly ever talk," "we just have different goals," etc. This makes it much easier to justify/rationalize divorce in these types of situations... people don't realize that marriages have high times and low times, and a husband or wife or both might not be willing to put in the work to get out of a rut.
I may agree with you, but I don't see any of this as undesirable. People SHOULD look out for #1 first, obviously, they shouldn't be looking out for #2 or #9 first, come on. And they should pursue their own happiness and ditch a partner when they're a dead weight.
We're a generation of instant gratification. So when a marriage is completely blissful and satisfying every second, people think that its broken or deficient and the best solution is to get out. And someone commented earlier that some parents teach children that, which i totally agree with, but you also see that attitude reflected in the media. The whole "do it because you're worth it" attitude
Ok I think these are all great reasons divorces happen, but I wouldn't say that's a bad thing. If anything, it's a great thing that people care more about their individual happiness now than in times past. Society has developed enough that more people realize it's important they are happy.
Huckleberry, not one woman I know who's divorced came out ahead dollar wise. In fact, they pretty much all got *****. My last two boyfriends were the ones who filed for divorce from their wives and they ended up paying child support but that's about it - they didn't lose a house, or anything that huge. I don't know where you get your statistics but they seem a bit skewed. My one female friend lost about $80K between attorney fees and having to give her cheating husband half of her retirement savings. Another ended up having to move back in with her Dad because her cheating ex refuses to pay his court ordered child support and she lost a ton of $ to the lawyers as well. A third had to promise to not try to visit her own child to avoid being killed. In my experience, the men cheat, lie, and even quit their jobs to avoid paying anything, even when there are children involved. My friends got royally scrooged by their exes.
OK, off my soapbox and back on topic. I agree that some people are very quick to file for divorce at the first sign of trouble. Forget about trying to work it out, get counseling, or just talk to each other and see the others point of view. Unless there is a dealbreaker like cheating, abuse, drugs, etc., a lot of marriages could probably be saved, but it takes two to want that to happen. If only one person is willing to fight for the marriage, it's probably doomed.
you and i discussed my stats on a different thread, links available on request. i think we got that settled. women definitely file more. usually a lawyer does not wana take a case unless there is money to be gotten, nature of the game so yes women tend to walk away better off than the guy they filed on, did not happen to your friends they came out worse.
i dont know personallly any guys that came out ahead on a divorce.
i had to scrub toilets for 3 1/2 years at night plus a rough day job to pay my divorce and didn't do anything wrong. treated her good. a lot of times its about the money. but individual circumstances can vary you are right. but bottom line women file alot. the guys cant always be a devil i dont believe that. there is a motive in most divorce, money.
what is hard to understand, is how so many guys get taken to the cleaners yet the woman always feels like a victim.
Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 11-15-2008 at 02:32 AM..
Huckleberry, not one woman I know who's divorced came out ahead dollar wise. In fact, they pretty much all got *****. My last two boyfriends were the ones who filed for divorce from their wives and they ended up paying child support but that's about it - they didn't lose a house, or anything that huge. I don't know where you get your statistics but they seem a bit skewed. My one female friend lost about $80K between attorney fees and having to give her cheating husband half of her retirement savings. Another ended up having to move back in with her Dad because her cheating ex refuses to pay his court ordered child support and she lost a ton of $ to the lawyers as well. A third had to promise to not try to visit her own child to avoid being killed. In my experience, the men cheat, lie, and even quit their jobs to avoid paying anything, even when there are children involved. My friends got royally scrooged by their exes.
OK, off my soapbox and back on topic. I agree that some people are very quick to file for divorce at the first sign of trouble. Forget about trying to work it out, get counseling, or just talk to each other and see the others point of view. Unless there is a dealbreaker like cheating, abuse, drugs, etc., a lot of marriages could probably be saved, but it takes two to want that to happen. If only one person is willing to fight for the marriage, it's probably doomed.
you said it all--you described my divorce after 37 years----i could add one more reason--men over 50 think that younger women will give them the sexual power they NEVER HAD WHEN THEY WERE YOUNGER!
And what's wrong with that? Haha, older guys want to feel younger again. It's natural. Being with young girls makes them feel that way. It's not hard to understand.
And what's wrong with that? Haha, older guys want to feel younger again. It's natural. Being with young girls makes them feel that way. It's not hard to understand.
THE ONLY THING WRONG WITH THAT is---it's all in their head(and ALWAYS WAS) and their bottle of viagra---all they have at that age is money and that attracts younger women with great acting ability in emulating their fake orgasms
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