My husband thinks he cant make a move on me (boyfriend, married)

[prttenders]

My husband seems to base everything on the past, we have been married for 15 years, we have had lots and lots of sex, but if I turn him down because im on my period or something reasonable, he wont try again, instead he mopes and tensions build until I force the issue, I would like to have him be romantic or manly, but he withdraws more and more, I am tired of feeling like I have to be the agressor, why can he not understand that I am a willing sexual partner, but sometimes circumstances like menstration make me say no thanks, this does not mean NEVER! When we argue, he says I hate sex, but I dont, it is just not always the right time, he also says I dont show affection, but again, if I kiss him or hug him, he thinks that means sex, and if I am unable to comply, he is mad, I dont base my love for him on sex but he seems to do this to me, further turning me off, a big vicious circle.

[JonathanLB]

When Aunt Flo comes knocking, that's when you have to give oral presentations to the class to keep them from missing important lessons.

[SubaruFiend]

my old boyfriend use to be like that, he use to mope around when I'd turn him down and it drove me NUTSSSSSSSS. That is part of the reason I ended up breaking up with him (that and he use to follow me around like a little puppy dog, he never went out on his OWN and did his OWN thing which drove me absolutely NUTS!)

[Black Jack22]

Well, you can always give him a hj or a bj, if you can't have intercourse.

[prttenders]

Thanks for the posts, very helpful, I do feel that in the broad view, he gets it a lot, and if we miss one week, he should not mope, and also, its a turnoff because I get no mental stimulation to want to have sex, other than being made to feel bad for turning him down, arter all when he was single, he never got it, so why this attitude? My old boyfriend used to whisper in my ear and keep asking, which was a big turn on , should I tell my hubby that and leave out the old boyfriend part?

[Chowhound]

Originally Posted by prttenders

which was a big turn on , should I tell my hubby that and leave out the old boyfriend part?

I'd pretty much leave out that part.

You might as well just say your last bf had a huge p***s and never let you down.

[Black Jack22]

Originally Posted by prttenders

Thanks for the posts, very helpful, I do feel that in the broad view, he gets it a lot, and if we miss one week, he should not mope, and also, its a turnoff because I get no mental stimulation to want to have sex, other than being made to feel bad for turning him down, arter all when he was single, he never got it, so why this attitude? My old boyfriend used to whisper in my ear and keep asking, which was a big turn on , should I tell my hubby that and leave out the old boyfriend part?

He should not be making you feel bad but things need to be discussed.

Well do you miss a week of sex because he does not whisper in your ear, since you say that would make a difference. I could see you missing a week of intercourse if you are on your period.

Do you spend enough time in foreplay before sex?

Does your husband satisfy your emotional needs?

Tell him what you need. Do not make your man guess. Men hate that. Yes, leave out the boyfriend part, or you will make him very upset.

[prttenders]

Yes I guess I will tell him , we have a great time once we do make love, but we both seem to have trouble arriving at that point. This morning I kissed him and looked at him, but he looked away, somehow we have a problem just getting it going. In nature it seems as though the male will persist, the woman resist, thats why I am confused, and as I said, I do not always resist, now i have to get myself really worked up and make the move, sometimes I get tired of that and dont make a move, then he gets more upset, a little codependant thing going on probably, anyway glad I could talk it out, very helpful, and thanks for letting me know that I am not the sex hater he says I am

[prttenders]

One more thing, he told me when I met him he was a virgin, I think he has no previous experience to go on, only porn

[prttenders]

we have plenty of foreplay, but he does not deal with emotions except horniness, I do feel disconnected emotionaly, and if we were closer in that way I could probably be hornier at all times...