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Sometimes I feel as though my boyfriend only ever wants to be around me when I am happy, laughing and positive.
Whenever I am upset or angry he completely shuts down. Doesn't want to talk about it, doesn't have time for it etc etc. If I say 'we need to talk' or 'can we talk about this' he usually just rolls his eyes and walks away, or gives me his attention, but with a filthy 'just hurry up and get whatever you want to say over with' look on his face. If we have an argument before bed he just rolls over and goes to sleep, despite me telling him I don't want us to go to bed angry. I usually cry myself to sleep!
I feel like we have a lot of unresolved issues and I hold in pretty much everything when it comes to my feelings.
Aren't relationships meant to be about taking the good with the bad?
As Marilyn Monroe once said "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best"!
P.S. please don't base your answers on my previous threads. Things have taken a bit of a turn lately and I'd just like some opinions on this current situation.. Ladies have you ever had a man do this to you? Guys, do ALL men behave like this?
If you're a Type A, you don't want to deal with "drama". Women can be Type A also, but it is more likely to find men that are Type A.
To address the other part of this--why should I desire conflict with one I purport to love, or with someone who purports to love me? Things will likely be said by one, or both, that will wound the other, and I see no reason to do that, or to have that done to me.
Sometimes I feel as though my boyfriend only ever wants to be around me when I am happy, laughing and positive...Whenever I am upset or angry he completely shuts down....
What do you do when you're angry? How do you act? What type of "drama" are we talking about? Do you scream, yell, throw things, call people names, hurl insults, break things, and/or swear like mad (or anything like this)?
I suppose the question I would ask is is his "shutting down" an understandable defensive response to out-of-line behavior? Or is it, rather, a meek and indefensible attempt at avoidance?
Sometimes I feel as though my boyfriend only ever wants to be around me when I am happy, laughing and positive.
Whenever I am upset or angry he completely shuts down. Doesn't want to talk about it, doesn't have time for it etc etc. If I say 'we need to talk' or 'can we talk about this' he usually just rolls his eyes and walks away, or gives me his attention, but with a filthy 'just hurry up and get whatever you want to say over with' look on his face. If we have an argument before bed he just rolls over and goes to sleep, despite me telling him I don't want us to go to bed angry. I usually cry myself to sleep!
I feel like we have a lot of unresolved issues and I hold in pretty much everything when it comes to my feelings.
Aren't relationships meant to be about taking the good with the bad?
As Marilyn Monroe once said "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best"!
P.S. please don't base your answers on my previous threads. Things have taken a bit of a turn lately and I'd just like some opinions on this current situation.. Ladies have you ever had a man do this to you? Guys, do ALL men behave like this?
I do not know you enough to what I say is true or not. You could be a very paranoid person and be a nag more often than you realize so your boyfriend may simply have had enough of your drama.
Or, he could not be patient enough to listen to you as a mate.
When you say you have a lot of unresolved issues he may need to simply leave and you need to seek health whether with a counselor, psychiatrist, a priest, etc.
I do not know how soon you both went to bed. To me that is a very common mistake. Going to bed and being physically intimate before emotional intimacy is going backwards. Once you cross that line without REALLY knowing your partner and later try to know him is a mistake.
In general having sex means a commitment. To guys having sex may not be the case so if you went to bed with him to early without having a commitment as a couple after both have a close emotional, spiritual, and mental is a mistake.
What do you do when you're angry? How do you act? What type of "drama" are we talking about? Do you scream, yell, throw things, call people names, hurl insults, break things, and/or swear like mad (or anything like this)?
I suppose the question I would ask is is his "shutting down" an understandable defensive response to out-of-line behavior? Or is it, rather, a meek and indefensible attempt at avoidance?
Oh my God, no. I am not a dramatic girl at all. I can't remember the last time I yelled at someone, I don't think I have ever thrown anything and I would never name call. I suppose I just get a look on my face and when he asks me what is wrong I tell him "I'm ok, you just really upset me when you said this and that"... then the shut down comes. No sorry, just silence. That's what I don't get, I NEVER make a big fuss, even when I am very upset, yet he still doesn't want to deal with anything.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka
Several people on this board (including moiself) have asked you to ditch this man.
Yet you flatly state that you are not prepared to become alone, mentally, financially and professionally.
So you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, deal with it That's my opinion (and it's not humble )
Yeah that's why I threw in that last part about not referring to my previous threads..
I flatly state? Are you kidding me I would love to be alone. YES it scares the bejesus out of me but it also excites me.
Oh my God, no. I am not a dramatic girl at all. I can't remember the last time I yelled at someone, I don't think I have ever thrown anything and I would never name call. I suppose I just get a look on my face and when he asks me what is wrong I tell him "I'm ok, you just really upset me when you said this and that"... then the shut down comes. No sorry, just silence.
He's emotionally distant from you and not willing to open up to you. What's more, he just practices avoidance rather than dealing with the problem head on. In other words, he's got problems.
I don't know what you've said about this guy in the past (haven't followed it to be honest with you) but clearly there are serious problems. Why do you stay? If you're a responsible woman with a reasonable level of intelligence and are somewhat attractive then you can find another guy.
Probably it's over-simplistic, but men want to talk about problems in terms of solving them, while women frequently just want someone to listen to their tale of woe.
Classically, women are more emotional than men. This of course does not hold for every man and every woman, but, probably more true than false.
Certainly, I don't want to be hit with a big emotional storm right before bed, particularly if I have stuff going on at work the next day. Nor do I "want to hear it" on the way to the airport if she's driving me there for a business trip.
I know, I know, this is a classically male approach - but as I see it, staying employed in this economy is fairly important, and she needs to support that.
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That's my opinion (and it's not humble 
)
