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Married almost 13 years widowed April08 but wife was diagnosed terminal cancer about Dec.06 It was a VERY rough 1-2 years with tons of surgery, treatment, culminating in having to tell my 8 & 10 yo. kids that mom was going to die.
So, last October I started dating again...I was ready for that much. Problem was I met a gal in mid-november that I got in too deep with too fast with. On the plus side, she really did have a lot of exceptional qualities but also has a TON of issues from past relationships and her own issues. Long story short, it lasted 3.5 months but the last 3 weeks were mostly fighting. lol. We both parted friends. (but clean break...and I we will not get back together)
Suffice to say, I learned that i AM ready for a dating relationship but not for when it gets in deeper. It's not because of my late wife but rather just all the stress of transition to being alone and a single parent etc.
In hindsight, it was a great relationship in that it helped me meet my short-term loneliness (since frankly my wife was largely incapacitated for the last few years wth cancer) but the person I was with was also incapable of any lasting relationship so I don't feel I hurt anyone (thank god!). Also parted on positive terms, no yelling, no blame...a hug in fact. I feel good about that...very adult, very honest and positive.
Suffice to say, I will just continue to work on myself and my family and will get back to dating again in a few months. By then it will be over a year and this relationship has provided valuable experience at fairly low cost to all involved.
I appreciate all the input and support I have gotten here over the past year or so. I am feeling pretty good today...I know I'm getting better and when I'm ready will find the right gal to finish off the 2nd part of my life with.
Hey, on the plus side, I'm still down >40lbs and in the best shape since I was about 23....my kids BOTH just finished in the top 20 of 4000 or so students at a local math contest and I have a good job etc. etc. I'm a lucky lucky man.
Edited to add that via PM Sierra was both right and wrong about me being ready.
I'm glad you have such a positive outlook on your future. And that you didn't let your rough start into dating make you think you started too soon. Good Luck with future dating.
I was not aware of your situation. I'm sorry for your loss and happy for you on your progress.
May I ask, how did you meet your last friend? How are you going to find your next companion? Are you going to actively seek someone with the same limitations? Or are you just going play it by ear and take things as they come?
I truly admire you for getting back up and brushing yourself off, so to speak...I am not sure if I would be strong enough to do the same. Thank you for sharing with us!
So, last October I started dating again...I was ready for that much. Problem was I met a gal in mid-november that I got in too deep with too fast with. On the plus side, she really did have a lot of exceptional qualities but also has a TON of issues from past relationships and her own issues. Long story short, it lasted 3.5 months but the last 3 weeks were mostly fighting. lol. We both parted friends. (but clean break...and I we will not get back together)
Oh-oh! I know you were having some problems, but didn't I hear last you were planning a vacation together...?! Then again, my ex-husband and I were testing paint the last few days before we finally split and there was a bright square spot on the wall...
Well, if you truly feel the way you say you feel, good for ya, MG!
Quote:
Edited to add that via PM Sierra was both right and wrong about me being ready.
I once heard the soul can only handle one major event every 6 months so take a little rest, concentrate on those kids (great ages) and in time, you will meet the right person!
I once heard the soul can only handle one major event every 6 months so take a little rest, concentrate on those kids (great ages) and in time, you will meet the right person!
I'm sorry you have been through so much.
No wonder my soul couldn't handle 4 moves in 9 months all due to looooove!
Seriously, I'm sorry it didn't work out but it sounds like you have the right attitude. I'm sure once you're ready to try again, it won't take too long before the women are all beating down your door.
Last edited by Tropical Trouble; 03-01-2009 at 09:12 PM..
I was not aware of your situation. I'm sorry for your loss and happy for you on your progress.
May I ask, how did you meet your last friend? How are you going to find your next companion? Are you going to actively seek someone with the same limitations? Or are you just going play it by ear and take things as they come?
I actually used Plentyoffish.com and intend to use it again when I'm ready. I had met several nice ladies via that site that didn't work out for various logistical reasons. (One or two I'd been planning to meet but they were out of town etc. then I met my last gf.) Since I am not nor will ever be a *player* I focused in on my ex-gf shortly after meeting her.
I recognize that I'm VERY rusty at dating, especially in this age range that has more baggage, so I'm recognizing this limitation and going to move slower this time.
Again, I have no regrets. I'm actually a little proud to say I still have my track-record for fairly amicable breakups but thats probably because I've never given a woman anything to really hate me over. (Ie. Cheating etc.)
Frankly, I am happy. I know what I need and want so that's 1/2 the battle...I just need to get myself emotionally healthy and take things slow and I things will work out fine. I think I have a lot to offer...especially in this age range...I do know that my issues are NOT related to my wife dying (since I had a long time to prepare and frankly after that kind of illness death is NOT a bad thing) but rather my being a single parent and all the transition and related lifestyle stress.
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I know you were having some problems, but didn't I hear last you were planning a vacation together...?!
Then again, my ex-husband and I were testing paint the last few days before we finally split and there was a bright square spot on the wall...
You have a good attitude...
