Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I wonder what is his age is he older then you? I have two friends both have needy husbands but for two different reasons. One is just a pouty little baby but he gets over it. The other is an old man almost 20 years her senior. both women took the "Hey I need a life" approach. The first one she just said "I love you and I miss you very much when I am gone but I need to get out and be with my friends every once in a while. I like being active you like sitting at home we need to work this out cause I cant stay home every night with you". The second friend basicly did the same thing but she had help from one of his relatives and adear friend who both finally told him, "She is still young and wants to do things if you don't start letting her get out with her friends you could lose her". Now neither woman would ever concider leaving their spouse but still it is a hard battle to fight and get the guy to recognise that time away is good for the soul.
Take the high road and just let him know all is well. If he wants to act like a baby treat him like a pouty baby, ignore his comments. Walk out the door and later on during the night call him, ask if he is ok and then say I am having a very nice time, thank you this means a lot to me. and hang up keep the conversation short and sweet but do call. My first friend calls her hubby on our outings, her calls are always short and sweet and include a basic wish you were here and thanks this means a lot to me type of statement.
hope it helps.
Remember when your first child went to kindergarten how you had to stay all upbeat and positive sounding as you left him/her at the door? They may have even cried to try to get you to stay or take them home with you But you kept that smile on your face, you didn't argue or get upset too, you just waved and said goodbye.
THAT'S how you have to treat your husband when you get an invite to go out and he starts all his pouting like a child. But the point is YOU HAVE TO GO. DO NOT let his behavior cause you to change your plans, because if you do you are teaching him that this poor behavior gets the results he wants. Time for him to grow up!
Tried to rep you for that one but I gotta spread the love.
It does kinda sound like childish behavior, but I wouldn't worry about it too much. Heck, maybe if you treat him extra special when you come home, he'll start encouraging you to go out! Bring him a cookie from the mall if nothing else.
And I second bmwguy's advice to suggest that he get out with the guys now and then. My wife and I are both guilty of being home-bodies, to the point that I don't really have any "buddies", and I used to be a social butterfly when married to my ex. My wife likes to stay home, and I've gotten to like it too, but it does tend to make one's social life non-existent. Usually when I run into old friends now, the first words out of their mouths is, "Hey Newk, are you still living in town? I haven't seen you in years!"
This makes sense. Thanks everyone for your input. So how do I handle it? Should I just ignore his behavior and go about my business? I really do everything I can so that he knows how much I love him. I don't know what else I can do.
As issues go, I think this is a lot less serious than most of the other posters seem to. If this is the worst thing about your marriage you should count yourself lucky as it is pretty minor in the grand scheme of things, no? Yes, it's a little childish, but aren't we all a little childish sometimes?
If I was going somewhere and my husband made a pouty face and whined about me leaving, I would say "awwwww", give him a big hug and a kiss and tell him I would miss him too, and when I was coming back, and then I would leave. It sounds like he is just expressing his insecurities and that he will miss you and that all he wants is a little reassurance before you go.
As issues go, I think this is a lot less serious than most of the other posters seem to. If this is the worst thing about your marriage you should count yourself lucky as it is pretty minor in the grand scheme of things, no? Yes, it's a little childish, but aren't we all a little childish sometimes?
If I was going somewhere and my husband made a pouty face and whined about me leaving, I would say "awwwww", give him a big hug and a kiss and tell him I would miss him too, and when I was coming back, and then I would leave. It sounds like he is just expressing his insecurities and that he will miss you and that all he wants is a little reassurance before you go.
This is actually how I usually react, I take it in stride. However, every time I say I'm going to go to the mall, he says, "Hey! Why dont' we all go?" Then if I protest, it looks like I don't want to be with my family. Sometimes I just want to go alone and feel free to browse around without the kids tagging along bored to death. Then I feel guilty so we spend the whole time in toy stores or electronic stores.
This makes sense. Thanks everyone for your input. So how do I handle it? Should I just ignore his behavior and go about my business? I really do everything I can so that he knows how much I love him. I don't know what else I can do.
Ok...mine did this for awhile when we 1st got together.
Let it start like before except when he says the dreaded "I was just kidding." (god I hate that) Tell him nicely that you don't find the humor in faux guilt trips. Tell him that you would have a much better time if he would just tell you to have a good time.
If he persisits, ask him why he feels the need to do this.
You need to condition yourself to put it all on him. Don't let him make you feel bad or guilty....for you guys out there, this goes for you too.
Nobody can make you feel anything without your permission.
One of my ex-boyfriends used to do this ALL the time. We would spend the day together and when I would get home he expected me to instant message him till he went to sleep. And when I couldnt meet him for any reason, he would whine and go home and stay in all evening. Then the next day he wouldnt e-mail me upon waking and this was very strange because he always would. So I would e-mail him or call him and he would sound all hurt. When I would ask him why, he would say that I was too busy for him. This kept happening repeatedly. and when he would go to parties with his friends , if I should ask what time he would be home , he would act like I never let him go anywhere. LOL.
I guess this is a spin-off from the curfew thread. It made me think of this issue I have with my husband. First of all, there are no trust issues in our marriage and we have been married over 10 years. We are both homebodies and we rarely go out without each other.
However, if I do get an invitation to go out; movie with the girls, get a drink after work, etc - it becomes a BIG deal with him. I'm not that way with him at all. If he goes out, I'm like "whatever - see ya".
But when I make plans, he agrees that he is okay with me going out, then he starts pouting. He makes this ridiculously childish pouty face and says, "I can't believe you are leaving me tonight!" He will do a few more times throughout the week (I always give him advance notice - to be polite), and then he will pout again just before I leave. The only word I can think of that accurately describes he behavior is that he frets. He will say, "What time will you be home? You won't stay out late, will you? Please hurry back as soon as you can. I will miss you!!!"
When I confront him about it, he will back off and say that he is just teasing, but he does this every time. If I tell him that it makes me uncomfortable, he apologizes, but the next time, it starts all over again. I really only go out without him about 3-4 times a year, seriously. But every time I have to put up with this silly routine. Sometimes I turn down invitations because I just don't want the hassle.
By the way, I never stay out late, always tell him where I will be, who I will be with, am available on my cell the whole time. After all these years of marriage, with no trust issues or anything, I just can't understand why he is like this. I thought it would fade with time, but it hasn't.
Help! Has anyone else dealt with this? Am I overreacting? I guess I could be flattered by his behavior and consider myself lucky that he really wants to be with me so much, especially after all these years. But honestly, sometimes it feels like I'm suffocating.
As I say often on this board: The first he did it, it was his fault. The second time he did it, it was your fault. Over the past ten years, like it or not, you have allowed this man to chip away at your autonomy and, apparently, you have now fully woken up to this fact. I fully understand how it could happen, for you strike me as a loving and caring woman. But, while loving and caring for your husband, you also need to pay attention to yourself as well.
The time to assert yourself is now. By that I don't mean slinging dishes at his head, but rather having a heart-to-heart with your husband. Without accusing him of anything, you need to say that you are entitled to have a life outside the home. You are entitled to have friends, interests, and hobbies away from family. As a matter of fact, so does your husband. This means you get to go out every once in a while and enjoy the richness that is life, whether visiting with friends, seeing a movie, or whatever else.
The other thing you need to help him cope with is his apparent insecurity. A girls' night out doesn't mean you're having a secret rendezvous with a lover. It means that you would like a short break from the daily grind of being a wife, a mother, and an employee. And he should understand that. Otherwise, you're not a full and equal partner in a loving marriage. You are a possession, a bird in a cage.
I suggest that you IGNORE the statements he makes when you are about to leave. Dont respond at all. Ignoring bad behavior usually leads to that behavior stopping once they realize that it wont get the desired results.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
But you kept that smile on your face, you didn't argue or get upset too, you just waved and said goodbye.
