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What do people mean when they say they've got "Game"? What do people mean when they say "The Game" is to be sold, and not told? "The Game" of cat and mouse?
"Game". The interesting thing about that term is that the majority of people between the ages of 18 and 40 don't understand what "The Game" is referring to. Some think it has to do with the simple courtship ritual as it's been for decades: boy meets girl, boy courts girl, girl says yes (or no), etc. What the majority of people in that demographic don't understand: That's not "The Game". It's only one piece of the puzzle. Why is that important? Well, if you reconcile with yourself that the courtship ritual is only a small piece of the overall puzzle, you'll begin to see why relationships and dating require so much brain energy with little return, generally speaking.
First, we need to look at courtship as we would look at arithmetic. One boy + One girl = One relationship. Or, to be politically correct I suppose, One person of a gender + One person of a gender = One relationship of a sort. But it's not that simple, is it? It's really more like this, and I'm going to use male and female:
A male can meet a woman at any time. But it's a guessing game as to the outcome. Either she'll say yes, or she'll say no, but beyond that, the "No" reason is quite often a lie. She might say "I have a boyfriend" when she really doesn't. She might say "I'm staying single" when she really isn't (just doesn't want anything to do with you specifically). It's all a bunch of pretense designed for self preservation, because women want to be picky. No matter what they say, they don't want someone they can marry, or take home to Mom/Dad, or spend time with. What women want is to have fun. They want to spend their days staring at someone with a body, tan, and maybe even tattoos like Randy Orton. Doesn't matter how much of a jerk the guy really is. Proof positive the girl will take a verbally abusive hottie over a sweet, considerate, yet average looking guy.
But why is that? What logic is there in such a dynamic? The answer is...there isn't any. Therein is the problem...no logic behind it. At least not until the female turns at least 30, which is when one (or more) of the following has happened to her:
She's been married, might still be, or is divorced (ever notice how explicitly easy it is to flirt with a female who is or has been married, yet single women act all stuck up?)
She has at least one kid, might even be a single parent after some jerk did her wrong (ever notice how women with one or more children are more open to relationships than women with no children?);
She's been abused, physically or verbally (or both), and is on the rebound (ever wonder why a woman who is on the rebound is more likely to go to bed with you than a woman who is happy?);
She's dated (and been done wrong by) so many guys that she now is not interested in dating anymore (ever meet that girl who tells you a story about relationships and the fact that she's not interested in relationships anymore, but wants to keep you as a friend?); and/or
There were some familial issues that have resulted in the current antipathy to relationships of any kind (ever meet that female who, no matter how long you date her, won't let you touch her at all, not even a hug?).
Translated, what I just stated above: Women want male friends. They don't really want to commit to anything if they don't have to. If that sounds familiar, it should. It's what women used to say about men all the time, and truthfully, there are some men that are like that, but that's caused by women who are just refusing to get into anything serious.
Some of you might think that I'm off my rocker. That women are sweet and just want to be married off and raise a family with a good man with great family values and morals. I submit to you that you're living in a dream world. Case in point: I've had plenty of women over my many years of dating who claim that I'm "too intellectual". How can a person be too smart? I'm still trying to figure that one out.
So, what's the bottom line? It's this. "The Game" is not the cat-and-mouse between men and women. It's the duplicity, the fabrication, the falsification, the ambiguity, the sheer disingenuous behavior that women exhibit towards men. They've played around when they were 12-26, and now that the playing is over and they've been emotionally scarred, that's when they finally settle down and get smart about dealing with men.
That men have to effectively roll dice when they want to meet someone, and risk severe rejection, or worse, blatant lies...that men don't get the straight answer from women when a simple question is asked...that men can't ever win the battle against the male jerks of the world...it's the games women play. And they play them on purpose, because they can. Because stupid men allow them to get away with it. Women do and will continue to play games; society will never get to an acceptable standard where we get straightforward honesty. We will never have a time when a guy can approach a single woman and get a fair shot regardless of the fact we're not a musclehead or have tattoos or a tan or drive a lifted truck. And that's sad.
sorry I've just gotta butt in here...
I don't think people who are blasting your attitude are being fair- that degree of cynicism usually has experience backing it up...
If I can put in my opinion: the female attitudes you mentioned dealing with are partially due to what you said, but more- the last years or decades where there's been this "everything goes" lifestyle with many women trying to "outdo" the worst of the men rather than take a cue from the better ones = lousy experiences = negativity.
added to this is the "modern" way of looking at relationships- instead of meeting, getting to know & care about A Person, singles are prodded to approach the entire subject with a "list of requirements" that a prospective partner "must" have and "cannot" have. it takes the human element out of the picture. people (male & female) have stopped seeing people as human beings- & I think that there is the biggest part of the problem.
A few things come to mind when reading this thread:
1. Never look to women for sympathy when it comes to your negative experiences with women. They're hard-wired to stand up for each other, and you will be attacked. Don't even take it personally, they can't help themselves.
2. If a woman can't debate you, she'll bring out the "but, but men" defense. This is when a woman states that "men do the same thing," as if that somehow gets women off the hook for bad behavior. I know, it's a very strange way of looking at things to think that pointing out theoretical bad behavior somehow matches experienced, empirical bad behavior.
3. In previous generations women had a purpose for hooking up with men (survival/security, having kids, building a household, etc.) If it seems like the rules have changed, they have. Many young women these days date for self-actualization, not for building a family, or some other utilitarian purpose. That's why nice, loyal guys get the shaft.
Historically, relationships have been a sex for security scheme. Times have changed for women, but not for men. We still want sex more than they do, but they no longer need us for security. That puts them in charge of sexual selection (unless you "game" them out of that leverage.)
4. You can pretty much ignore what most women on City Data say in regards to relationships, if what you're after are hot, young, twenty-somethings. Reason? Most of the women here are middle-aged and quite beyond their expiration date. Based on profile pics, I see very few attractive women here. I wouldn't let anything they say bother you.
You act like a guy can snap his fingers an get a women,maye hes shy and/or women dont find him attractive
Im awful at getting women but i dont think im some pariah of society for it... I wish to god i was better with women but what are u gonna do..
Sorry, I didn't mean to come across like I was blaming the guys. Like Nicegy99 said you either have alpha male factor or you don't. That is pretty much true. In a sense my friends who never date are "victims" of the culture. Not total victims, I'm sure being more proactive would help them, but in the current climate of soft polygamy the odds are stacked against them.
Sorry, I didn't mean to come across like I was blaming the guys. Like Nicegy99 said you either have alpha male factor or you don't. That is pretty much true. In a sense my friends who never date are "victims" of the culture. Not total victims, I'm sure being more proactive would help them, but in the current climate of soft polygamy the odds are stacked against them.
Sorry i thought you meant somethign else
And yeah i wiash i was more assertive and more alpah maleish it sucks because i think im a really good interestign and fun person when u get to know me but i need people to brign that out of me by aksign me qeustiosn and getting me going but unfortunately women are never the ones to make that first move so im screwed because im not good at initiating and taking control
Maybe im not great looking and they would reject me anyway but i wish i had the balls to find out..
And yeah i wiash i was more assertive and more alpah maleish it sucks because i think im a really good interestign and fun person when u get to know me but i need people to brign that out of me by aksign me qeustiosn and getting me going but unfortunately women are never the ones to make that first move so im screwed because im not good at initiating and taking control
Maybe im not great looking and they would reject me anyway but i wish i had the balls to find out..
I normally don't tell anyone this but it sounds like you could use some game. Try to improve your social skills and be more outgoing. Let people get to know you. Don't be afraid to get rejected but also be open to something good happening. You can change if you make an effort. I really hate giving this kind of cliche advice, it's not like me, but there is some truth to it. I'm not going to lie,in this era it is very difficult for non-alphas to meet women (which is a shame), but still you have to try to make things happen or nothing ever will.
I know about 10 guys who rarely/never date or "hookup".One thing I find disturbing is NONE of their parents have ever asked them or nagged them about getting married one day. The parents act like it's normal for their son's not to interact with women.. It's not normal, it's extremely deviant. In fact if their parents had that the same lax attitide their sons wouldn't even exist. Of course in their parents generation "game" wasn't needed and things fell into place for everyone,even non-dominant beta males.
That's exactly my case.
As a teen , I already had difficulties dating, and my father - born 1930, from a generation and a background that made sure he had never any problems meeting ladies- just answered me with the most bored look he could muster : "then go see some hooker", and he added with cynicism : "you'll learn my boy that women put themselves always foremost, they are selfish".
Talk of an education!
I know about 10 guys who rarely/never date or "hookup".One thing I find disturbing is NONE of their parents have ever asked them or nagged them about getting married one day. The parents act like it's normal for their son's not to interact with women.. It's not normal, it's extremely deviant. In fact if their parents had that the same lax attitide their sons wouldn't even exist. Of course in their parents generation "game" wasn't needed and things fell into place for everyone,even non-dominant beta males.
Oh yes! as a teen I already had trouble finding a date, I asked some counsel from my father, he only replied, with the most bored look he could muster : "go see some hooker, here, ten grand, son"!
To the OP--women dont mind men who are intellectual. Women mind men who just HAVE to prove how intellectual they are all the time. You sound like one of those.
"Women don't mind men who are intellectual". Listen to that. "don't mind". Meaning they'll tolerate it. They'll give it a pass. They'll deal with it. They'll concede to it.
It shouldn't be all that. It should be, ""Women WANT men who are intellectual, regardless of how that intellect is detected. It should be an instant attraction." Instead, everything physical is scrutinized first, and if you pass that test, then intellect comes into play. Of course, most guys who spend days at the gym to get perfect physiques couldn't care less about being smart, because they know they can get women into bed just by being physically attractive. Do you see where I'm going with this?
The commentary is especially right when it says that it's stupid men who allow women to get away with what they get away with. It's gotten to a point where women can effectively use their body and sexual organs to either blackmail or flat out coerce men into giving them what they want. Legal prostitution, for lack of a better word. Why are we at that point? Because so many men know what women really want - a physical Greek god - and use that to get what they want. I'm not absolving men. But the blame is greater for women who have lowered themselves to the point of being glorified hookers in many cases. Whatever supreme being, if any, that one believes in gave people free choice and independent thought; nobody forced them to be that way, they did it because they're selfish and out for themselves. If they weren't so hell bent on finding the absolute most gorgeous guy walking, we wouldn't be in this situation now.
"Women don't mind men who are intellectual". Listen to that. "don't mind". Meaning they'll tolerate it. They'll give it a pass. They'll deal with it. They'll concede to it.
It shouldn't be all that. It should be, ""Women WANT men who are intellectual, regardless of how that intellect is detected. It should be an instant attraction." Instead, everything physical is scrutinized first, and if you pass that test, then intellect comes into play. Of course, most guys who spend days at the gym to get perfect physiques couldn't care less about being smart, because they know they can get women into bed just by being physically attractive. Do you see where I'm going with this?
The commentary is especially right when it says that it's stupid men who allow women to get away with what they get away with. It's gotten to a point where women can effectively use their body and sexual organs to either blackmail or flat out coerce men into giving them what they want. Legal prostitution, for lack of a better word. Why are we at that point? Because so many men know what women really want - a physical Greek god - and use that to get what they want. I'm not absolving men. But the blame is greater for women who have lowered themselves to the point of being glorified hookers in many cases. Whatever supreme being, if any, that one believes in gave people free choice and independent thought; nobody forced them to be that way, they did it because they're selfish and out for themselves. If they weren't so hell bent on finding the absolute most gorgeous guy walking, we wouldn't be in this situation now.
Women should "want what they want!" Maybe she prefers an athlete over an intellectual. Who are you to say what they SHOULD want? That is absolutely ASININE!!!!!!!
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absolutely true
