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So, what you are saying, NOTHING has changed. Your husband has ALWAYS been this way, and you were accepting of it.
Why did you think marriage would change this habit?
You guys can talk about it, and should, but it's quite silly of you to marry a man that you knew, FROM THE BEGINNING, was this way. That's like complaining my fiance spends all his time playing in a jam band and not hanging out with me, but maybe he'll stop after we get married. Unreasonable.
Good luck.
I'm betting she won't be back to respond. She posted the thread you quoted 6yrs ago.
Then those "friends" are not your friends anymore.
It seems to me that you DO want to be one of those women who tells their husband to give up his friends. You want him to meet EVERY need you have 100% for sex, love, family, and friendship. That is unhealthy and is the exact type of mentality that frequently leads to failed marriages.
This is WAY overboard. If you're married, you should WANT to spend a good portion of time with your spouse, and later kids. He sounds like a BIG kid. At the very minimum he should be spending one day of the weekend doing stuff with his wife, even if that means staying home and hanging out. And why isn't the wife invited or going along with him to his friends? Are all the friends single guys? Cuz that is a little weird after a certain age. Usually married couples hang with other couples and there is a balance of time doing your own thing, alone time with your SO, and time spent together with mutual friends.
but it isn't my only friendship. i have girl/friends that i talk to everyday, just on weekends, i leave them alone to their family and whatnot. cuz i guess i have this mentality that weekends are meant for family, and such is married life! is that not the case?
Weekends are meant for family AND friends.
Your husband should be splitting up his time between friends and you on the weekend. Or at the very least inviting you also sometimes.
However, you certainly do not want to go acting controlling or jealous.
If I were you I would simply try to make plans with him early in the week for Friday or Saturday night like going to see a movie or dinner or something.
This is WAY overboard. If you're married, you should WANT to spend a good portion of time with your spouse, and later kids. He sounds like a BIG kid. At the very minimum he should be spending one day of the weekend doing stuff with his wife, even if that means staying home and hanging out. And why isn't the wife invited or going along with him to his friends? Are all the friends single guys? Cuz that is a little weird after a certain age. Usually married couples hang with other couples and there is a balance of time doing your own thing, alone time with your SO, and time spent together with mutual friends.
Of course it's weird. It's like he wants to live like a single guy, but have a "wife" at home for ... um, "after hours" activities. Most guys spend part of the weekend doing chores around the house, or they used to. Maybe the OP & Co. live in an apartment, so there's no lawn to mow or newspapers to bundle for the trash, etc. But still, one wonders why he bothered to get married. And what their weekends were like before they married.
Oh well. We'll never find out. I noticed for some reason several 6-yr-old threads got resurrected today. Odd.
Of course it's weird. It's like he wants to live like a single guy, but have a "wife" at home for ... um, "after hours" activities. Most guys spend part of the weekend doing chores around the house, or they used to. Maybe the OP & Co. live in an apartment, so there's no lawn to mow or newspapers to bundle for the trash, etc. But still, one wonders why he bothered to get married. And what their weekends were like before they married.
Oh well. We'll never find out. I noticed for some reason several 6-yr-old threads got resurrected today. Odd.
To be fair he is seeing his wife all during the week and on the weekends as well. However, he still should be devoting 1 day of the weekend to his wife as I assume they dont get to do much during the week.
To be fair he is seeing his wife all during the week and on the weekends as well. However, he still should be devoting 1 day of the weekend to his wife as I assume they dont get to do much during the week.
Young couples used to do stuff on weekends, like go camping or kayaking, or other types of recreation. For at least one day, if not the whole weekend. And sure, everyone gets some downtime to just do their own thing, if they want. Couples don't have to be joined at the hip. But the OP's situation seems extreme, and raises the question: what's really going on at her SO's "friends') house? Is he really hanging out with buddies? She has no way of knowing.
Young couples used to do stuff on weekends, like go camping or kayaking, or other types of recreation. For at least one day, if not the whole weekend. And sure, everyone gets some downtime to just do their own thing, if they want. Couples don't have to be joined at the hip. But the OP's situation seems extreme, and raises the question: what's really going on at her SO's "friends') house? Is he really hanging out with buddies? She has no way of knowing.
Yes, more than possibility he has another woman to see, especially if it's every weekend.
OP I would probably follow him to see if he was actually going to where he said he was going.
Ugh, I don't even know where to begin. I'm glad this thread isn't 3 years old though. I'm getting so disheartened with my husband. I'll explain: this past weekend, he had friends come over to work on an old truck that's been needing to be fixed. It's in our driveway, our mechanic friend has come almost every Saturday for 2 months to work on it. Next to that 1986 truck is my 1957 Chevrolet that has been down since 2000. The engine is all rebuilt has been for years and sits in our garage. So they worked on the truck Saturday, in between sitting and drinking beer and chatting. Then Sunday, husband goes golfing at 6 am, says he'll be back around 11 am. That he might go to our nieces soccer game. He calls and tells me, he's not going to the game. He never explains where or what he's doing and doesn't get home until 5 or so pm. If I ask him where he went, did he see any friends of ours, he explodes and starts screaming and swearing at me. We've been married for 27 years and in July he surprised me with renewing our vows in front of a lot of friends. I've come to completely dread the weekends, there are always single guys over here and he'll use any excuse to leave. He'll say, you need cigarettes? I'll be right back, I'll get them. 4 or 5 or 6 hours later, he comes strolling in. Then attacks me when I, of course, am a little pissed off. Anything I criticize he tries to say I do it too. I'm so sorry for going on and on, but I don't know what to do anymore. I feel he puts me the lowest on his priorities. It's work, god, family, friends, then me. My friend who I've explained some of this, said to learn to pick my battles....What I might think is important, others on the outside watching think it's fairly trivial. Oh and this happens every weekend. He works all week, then disappears with his friends on the weekends. Then screams at me if I ask him where he's been. We're going to see the Sound of Music Friday, it's not like he doesn't sometimes do things with me. However, we went to the drag races last year and he left me for 4 hours sitting in the stands by myself. He just disappeared. ::sighs:: I could say so much more, and I'm not telling the part I've played. I just wanted to let it out, even if not one person every reads this. So Thank you so much, for having this place to even start to explain what's been happening to me, to him, to us.
Has anyone noticed that in all this time nobody ever asked how old the OP and her hubby are? Sounds to me like he's probably in his early to mid 20s which would probably explain the behavior.
Hi i've been married for almost 2 years, but me and my husband have been together for over 4 years. I knew it from the beginning that he never likes to stay at home. But since we've gotten married, he'd always go out and stay at his friends or coworker's house all day on saturdays and sundays instead of staying home with me. Is this normal? I feel like we have a very strong relationship, we never argue about anything, and he's very loving when he IS with me. I'm just starting to feel a little anxious cuz of him rather spending all day with friends on a weekend than with me. Maybe i'm just feeling insecure, but aren't weekends supposed to be spent with family, like ur wife, and not coworkers or buddies? Even though I can handle being alone all day doing my own thing, nobody likes to be lonely.
Are you an annoying person? A whole weekend of whining or nagging would drive any man to seek other places to hang out.
Try cooking him nice meals. Give him an unexpected BJ on the couch. Don't talk too much. Be a good wife. He won't have any need to leave the house.
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