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I met him from on line dating website. So we started dating for over 2 months so far, and he said he loves me after we dated for about 1 months.
He is very nice and caring to me, and I feel loved and happy being with him. He also introduced me to his family and always calls and sends messages me. he also thinks I am the one.
You need to do what's right for you and not him.
If he cannot accept the way you feel, so be it.
There are plenty of men around that will respect your feelings and if he can't do that, you're better off without him.
So last night he was unhappy that he found me still have my profile on that dating website. (He had taken off his profile after we dated for two or three weeks.) So to make him happy, I deleted my profile.
But now I realize that I am not happy, I still want to keep my options open and want to put my profile back on that website, but at the same time I don't want to lose him or hurt him, I like him a lot. what if I can't find another man who loves me more or is better than him?
what should I do? should I be honest with him and tell him what I think? would he go away and think anything bad about me? or should I exclusively date him for a while and see how it goes?
You need to do what's right for you and not him.
If he cannot accept the way you feel, so be it.
There are plenty of men around that will respect your feelings and if he can't do that, you're better off without him.
Thanks for the advice. I guess if I can tell whether he is indeed a good, that would be much easier. how do you tell he is a good catch??
Hmmm?
I guess that would depend on what you like.
Personally, I would go with a person with a charming personality. So, if he is nice and funny it's a good thing.
This is what I would do if I were you. I would observe him closely. Watch how he treats other people. Is he nice to everyone around him? Does he treat others with respect? Is he nice to his parents? These are things I would silently observe.
Then I would listen to what he says. By this I mean, does he have alot of negative things to say about people? Does he find critical comments about everything and everyone? When you leave a resturant does he complain about the service or the food or the atmosphere?
All of these things will surely make your mind up as to the type of person he is and whether he is a good catch.
See, if you find him being rude to other people, disrespecting others or even complaining about how he was treated, guess what? You will be the victim to all that in the future. You can blindly say to yourself that it's stuff that he does to OTHER PEOPLE but shortly down the road you WILL and I repeat YOU WILL be treated this way! Take note of that.
I do not verbally attack people. I will shy away from a fight of any sort. Most of the time if you see me lashing out it's in defense from an overly aggressive person. I will not allow myself to be stepped on but I do allow alot of junk to happen before I put the hammer down. So my first question to you was that it depends on what you like or what you are like...
..Are you controlling, minipulative or aggressive? Do you have to have a say in everything? Are you peaceable? Will you allow others to have a bad day and not take offense to them?
I am giving you this advice after being married over 10 years. I thought I knew this woman but I let the love blinders control my thinking. I thought the happy spirited woman I was going to marry would never do me wrong. I was wrong. She turned out to be exactly what I refused to see. Remember that phrase...
"She/He turned out to be exactly what I refused to see."
It was there the whole time, I just refused to see it. Now I suffer from the negative, critical, fault finding person she has always been deep down.
Personally, I would go with a person with a charming personality. So, if he is nice and funny it's a good thing.
This is what I would do if I were you. I would observe him closely. Watch how he treats other people. Is he nice to everyone around him? Does he treat others with respect? Is he nice to his parents? These are things I would silently observe.
Then I would listen to what he says. By this I mean, does he have alot of negative things to say about people? Does he find critical comments about everything and everyone? When you leave a resturant does he complain about the service or the food or the atmosphere?
All of these things will surely make your mind up as to the type of person he is and whether he is a good catch.
See, if you find him being rude to other people, disrespecting others or even complaining about how he was treated, guess what? You will be the victim to all that in the future. You can blindly say to yourself that it's stuff that he does to OTHER PEOPLE but shortly down the road you WILL and I repeat YOU WILL be treated this way! Take note of that.
I do not verbally attack people. I will shy away from a fight of any sort. Most of the time if you see me lashing out it's in defense from an overly aggressive person. I will not allow myself to be stepped on but I do allow alot of junk to happen before I put the hammer down. So my first question to you was that it depends on what you like or what you are like...
..Are you controlling, minipulative or aggressive? Do you have to have a say in everything? Are you peaceable? Will you allow others to have a bad day and not take offense to them?
I am giving you this advice after being married over 10 years. I thought I knew this woman but I let the love blinders control my thinking. I thought the happy spirited woman I was going to marry would never do me wrong. I was wrong. She turned out to be exactly what I refused to see. Remember that phrase...
"She/He turned out to be exactly what I refused to see."
It was there the whole time, I just refused to see it. Now I suffer from the negative, critical, fault finding person she has always been deep down.
Don't make the same mistake...
this is very insightful...thanks so much....in the past I so wanted the relatinship to work so I blinded myself from seeing the real "him"...
thanks for the advice
ok...thanks for everyone's input. I am still a bit confused...some say that he may be a great guy and a good catch..some say that I should just stop dating him...I know the decision is up to me and only I can really know the answer...but I would appreciate your help and analysis on this...
is he a good catch? I am wondering if every guy who is in love would do these following things to his girl? or I am just so lucky to meet a great guy???
so here are some facts about him and me:
- he calls me at weekends when he wakes up, and if it is weekdays, he messages me
- he calls me to say hi after my work and calls me again before I go to bed
- he sends messages to me if i am at work and says he is missing/thinking about me, etc.
- he always pays for the dinner
- he helps me do the grocery and picks me up from work if the weather is not good
- he says he loves me all the time
- he kisses me all the time
- he never upsets me so far
- he is an open book and he answers any question I ask and tells me everything
- he took me to his home and introduced me to his family
- he doesnt push me for sex and is very patient
- he was into bars scence but he told me that he hasn't been to bars for years.
- he usually drinks beer and watches tv/movie with his buddies at their place.
- he doesn't plan things ahead with me, i.e. he doesn't ask if he can pick me up from work the day before but just a couple hours before I get off work...he doesn't plan what we will be doing on a date, he always says whatever we do he is always so happy, and we can do whatever I want to do
- he holds my hand or touch my hair as much as he can when he drives
- he sends me air kisses from afar when I am on the way to his car
- he sent me a mushy card
- he wants to drive to my place and just to give me a goodnite kiss
- he always sends me to my door and gives me goodnight kiss
- he cares about whether i eat well and i am happy; if i dont eat well, he wants to send me some homemade food
- he said that he can die for me if anything happens (too dramatic??)
- he worries about my safety if I am out in another city or late at night
- he remembers what I wore on our first date
- he would like me to meet and hang out with his friends
- he makes it very clear about how he feels about me and he doesnt want me to have any doubt about how he feels about me
- he doesnt seem interested in doing things like going to pubs with me for live music , but likes to stay in and watch a movie together
This guy is quite boring just reading about him. How does he effect you and your body? If it doesnt tingle, fizz or heating up its not working
Personally, I would go with a person with a charming personality. So, if he is nice and funny it's a good thing.
This is what I would do if I were you. I would observe him closely. Watch how he treats other people. Is he nice to everyone around him? Does he treat others with respect? Is he nice to his parents? These are things I would silently observe.
Then I would listen to what he says. By this I mean, does he have alot of negative things to say about people? Does he find critical comments about everything and everyone? When you leave a resturant does he complain about the service or the food or the atmosphere?
All of these things will surely make your mind up as to the type of person he is and whether he is a good catch.
See, if you find him being rude to other people, disrespecting others or even complaining about how he was treated, guess what? You will be the victim to all that in the future. You can blindly say to yourself that it's stuff that he does to OTHER PEOPLE but shortly down the road you WILL and I repeat YOU WILL be treated this way! Take note of that.
I do not verbally attack people. I will shy away from a fight of any sort. Most of the time if you see me lashing out it's in defense from an overly aggressive person. I will not allow myself to be stepped on but I do allow alot of junk to happen before I put the hammer down. So my first question to you was that it depends on what you like or what you are like...
..Are you controlling, minipulative or aggressive? Do you have to have a say in everything? Are you peaceable? Will you allow others to have a bad day and not take offense to them?
I am giving you this advice after being married over 10 years. I thought I knew this woman but I let the love blinders control my thinking. I thought the happy spirited woman I was going to marry would never do me wrong. I was wrong. She turned out to be exactly what I refused to see. Remember that phrase...
"She/He turned out to be exactly what I refused to see."
It was there the whole time, I just refused to see it. Now I suffer from the negative, critical, fault finding person she has always been deep down.
Don't make the same mistake...
so I observe him quietly, should I be worried or cautious about these?
- he said he fought a lot when he was a kid (around 12 yrs old)
- he was into bars when he was a teen
- he did marijuana for 3 years when he was a teen
but he does respect his parents, and cares about his family.
in a word, he was not so well-behaved when he was teen, is this an indicator for future?? he seems have changed, and now he likes to stay in, etc.
ok...thanks for everyone's input. I am still a bit confused...some say that he may be a great guy and a good catch..some say that I should just stop dating him...I know the decision is up to me and only I can really know the answer...but I would appreciate your help and analysis on this...
is he a good catch? I am wondering if every guy who is in love would do these following things to his girl? or I am just so lucky to meet a great guy???
so here are some facts about him and me:
- he calls me at weekends when he wakes up, and if it is weekdays, he messages me
- he calls me to say hi after my work and calls me again before I go to bed
- he sends messages to me if i am at work and says he is missing/thinking about me, etc.
- he always pays for the dinner
- he helps me do the grocery and picks me up from work if the weather is not good
- he says he loves me all the time
- he kisses me all the time
- he never upsets me so far
- he is an open book and he answers any question I ask and tells me everything
- he took me to his home and introduced me to his family
- he doesnt push me for sex and is very patient
- he was into bars scence but he told me that he hasn't been to bars for years.
- he usually drinks beer and watches tv/movie with his buddies at their place.
- he doesn't plan things ahead with me, i.e. he doesn't ask if he can pick me up from work the day before but just a couple hours before I get off work...he doesn't plan what we will be doing on a date, he always says whatever we do he is always so happy, and we can do whatever I want to do
- he holds my hand or touch my hair as much as he can when he drives
- he sends me air kisses from afar when I am on the way to his car
- he sent me a mushy card
- he wants to drive to my place and just to give me a goodnite kiss
- he always sends me to my door and gives me goodnight kiss
- he cares about whether i eat well and i am happy; if i dont eat well, he wants to send me some homemade food
- he said that he can die for me if anything happens (too dramatic??)
- he worries about my safety if I am out in another city or late at night
- he remembers what I wore on our first date
- he would like me to meet and hang out with his friends
- he makes it very clear about how he feels about me and he doesnt want me to have any doubt about how he feels about me
- he doesnt seem interested in doing things like going to pubs with me for live music , but likes to stay in and watch a movie together
My gawd I hope women don't write lists critiquing me like that.Just keep it simple like "yeah LK is a sweetheart but man, a dick at times also....speaking of dick hmmm hmmm hmmmm".
Of course you shouldn't be honest. Honesty in a relationship is way over rated, you should continue to lead him on and lie to him...sheesh...How would you like to be treated?
My wife and I knew after dating one month we would be married. She invited me to dinner one night and that has not changed after all these years. I worked a part time job at night while in college. After work I would drive to her house and sit and have dinner with her. When her parents went to bed we were naked on the living room rug having sex. After four years of dating and college we got married. If you don't feel as if he is the man for you break it off. You will know when it is right. We knew it was right and so will you. Funny thing is that after six months of dating right out of the open we were taking about children and I said when we get married. It seems so natural for it to happen and she hugged me like she was already Mrs. Right. If you don't feel the same don't keep it going.
My gawd I hope women don't write lists critiquing me like that.Just keep it simple like "yeah LK is a sweetheart but man, a dick at times also....speaking of dick hmmm hmmm hmmmm".
Oh we write them, alright.
On the plus side, when you die, a woman can write down all your good traits for the mortuary service, in no time.
On the plus side, when you die, a woman can write down all your good traits for the mortuary service, in no time.
so how can I delete a post from this forum?
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Just keep it simple like "yeah LK is a sweetheart but man, a dick at times also....speaking of dick hmmm hmmm hmmmm".
