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I am a mixture. That is a part of myself I have never understood. I am dominant at work and with other women, friend or foe. I take charge without even realizing it. In love relationships I am an equal most of the time, sprinkled with some old fashioned Southern beliefs about men/women and roles.
I don't know if it is that I like to be submissive in the bedroom as much as I love being dominated there, but that is one area where I totally give over.
well said, smiling, or as we say in the gay community,
"Butch in the streets, femme in the sheets."
Yeah, women have done a number on themselves as a whole. With the rise of feminism (of which some parts have been good) they've forced men to become more submissive than women (otherwise the man ends up accused of any number of things and even in really bad legal trouble!!). Then women wonder, wow, how do I even become submissive because all the female role models in my life are not, compared to their men? And why are all men so lame these days?? Without good role models I'm not sure women can become submissive. BTW this means becoming "more feminine" and not too many women seem to even know what this means.. (it doesn't mean being spacey new-age touchy-feely, either)
One piece of advice I can say.. maybe you won't believe this, though it's true.. since most men are beat-down by pretty much everyone, you gotta go easy at first, and let him learn to be more dominant over time. If you want to become more submissive then you need to encourage your man to make more decisions, and bite your tongue if you disagree. That means: "Time to go to dinner honey, where should we go?" and bite your tongue until he actually decides. When he DOES decide, then you have to reward this behavior: "Ohh, Crab Shack, how did you know I wanted that too! I love your pick!" Over time, if you continue biting your tongue on a variety of types of decisions (not alll the time mind you, if it really matters then speak up! Otherwise let THE MAN decide), then your man will again feel comfortable making decisions for both of you, and you will naturally feel more submissive because he's doing the work. Trouble is, most men are afraid to even offer an opinion these days, because they will get SMACKED DOWN.. by either their women, or their women's uncool men, or their women's friends, or their women's moms, or etc etc.... So men have just learned to "shut up and keep quiet and let her do the talking and deciding", which actually, most women hate and would prefer her man to take charge most of the time.
As for the guy perspective, it's tough these days because the woman goes to the office, she's got to deal with a bunch of ego's, and thus be "the man", and then come home and change roles, so it takes a strong guy these days to make the woman feel submissive (and not many men do). that's life for ya.. and I'm not even talking about sex here, I'm talking about general relationship stuff!
I can't say I disagree with your logic, but I can say I disagree with your example. Deciding on dinner isn't something that proves his dominance. If he doesn't cares about dinner, which is why the woman is pushing him, then she makes the reservation and he goes along, to maintain the peace. A man taking the lead would be on bigger matters, such as a major purchase or where to live. Not saying that his wife has no say so- a good man will hear her out and consider her needs, unless she's just crazy and is unreasonable in her thoughts. But dinner? That's small stuff. She's probably just looking for some input to show that he's interested, that's all. If she feels that he's not taking the lead because of dinner, then there must be bigger problems.
You know, as strange as it may sound to some, I would've liked to. Yes, I would've liked to be with a strong, responsible, dependable man leading the way, so I can relax and feel feminine and pampered. It's not exactly my nature, but I think I wouldn't have had any need for control in such a situation. Never had such an opportunity, though. From now on, even if such an opportunity does present itself (which is very unlikely anyway), I no longer have the faith to put my life entirely in somebody else's hands...
A man taking the lead would be on bigger matters, such as a major purchase or where to live. Not saying that his wife has no say so- a good man will hear her out and consider her needs, unless she's just crazy and is unreasonable in her thoughts.
I dont understand this line of reasoning. Why would one partner make all the major decisions.
You know, as strange as it may sound to some, I would've liked to. Yes, I would've liked to be with a strong, responsible, dependable man leading the way, so I can relax and feel feminine and pampered. It's not exactly my nature, but I think I wouldn't have had any need for control in such a situation. Never had such an opportunity, though. From now on, even if such an opportunity does present itself (which is very unlikely anyway), I no longer have the faith to put my life entirely in somebody else's hands...
I dont think thats strange. When I was young I had those fantasies, then I realized that man didnt exist.
One piece of advice I can say.. maybe you won't believe this, though it's true.. since most men are beat-down by pretty much everyone, you gotta go easy at first, and let him learn to be more dominant over time. If you want to become more submissive then you need to encourage your man to make more decisions, and bite your tongue if you disagree. That means: "Time to go to dinner honey, where should we go?" and bite your tongue until he actually decides. When he DOES decide, then you have to reward this behavior: "Ohh, Crab Shack, how did you know I wanted that too! I love your pick!" Over time, if you continue biting your tongue on a variety of types of decisions (not alll the time mind you, if it really matters then speak up! Otherwise let THE MAN decide), then your man will again feel comfortable making decisions for both of you, and you will naturally feel more submissive because he's doing the work. Trouble is, most men are afraid to even offer an opinion these days, because they will get SMACKED DOWN.. by either their women, or their women's uncool men, or their women's friends, or their women's moms, or etc etc.... So men have just learned to "shut up and keep quiet and let her do the talking and deciding", which actually, most women hate and would prefer her man to take charge most of the time.
As for the guy perspective, it's tough these days because the woman goes to the office, she's got to deal with a bunch of ego's, and thus be "the man", and then come home and change roles, so it takes a strong guy these days to make the woman feel submissive (and not many men do). that's life for ya.. and I'm not even talking about sex here, I'm talking about general relationship stuff!
Quote:
Originally Posted by IZthe411
I can't say I disagree with your logic, but I can say I disagree with your example. Deciding on dinner isn't something that proves his dominance. If he doesn't cares about dinner, which is why the woman is pushing him, then she makes the reservation and he goes along, to maintain the peace. A man taking the lead would be on bigger matters, such as a major purchase or where to live. Not saying that his wife has no say so- a good man will hear her out and consider her needs, unless she's just crazy and is unreasonable in her thoughts. But dinner? That's small stuff. She's probably just looking for some input to show that he's interested, that's all. If she feels that he's not taking the lead because of dinner, then there must be bigger problems.
To answer the OP's question: No. I am an equal in my relationship. Neither of us is submissive to the other. We are both strong, opinionated people, and that's just as we like it.
I dont understand this line of reasoning. Why would one partner make all the major decisions.
You neglected the point that underscored this reasoning: Not saying that his wife has no say so- a good man will hear her out and consider her needs, unless she's just crazy and is unreasonable in her thoughts
That's the qualifier in the statement- A good man takes the lead but he considers his wife in the decisions. He may decide that what his wife wants she gets. That does not mean that she walks over him, and expects that he will give her a yes answer all the time. That's not a man, that's a rug.
Most women wants a man who takes the lead, and makes the decisions. They don't want a man who is harsh and lords over them like some dictator. That's not what we are talking about. If a man takes the lead, takes care of his wife, and lets her act in her feminine role, she'll have mad love and respect for him.
I bet you that for most of the women here who say that they are equals in their relationship, are in a relationship where the man is taking the lead, but the man is smart enough to recognize that your input is just as important to the outcome as his.
I think submission has such a bad connotation to it that for most people the thought of it is not appealing, but if you get into the details of it, it's actually a beautiful thing.
I bet you that for most of the women here who say that they are equals in their relationship, are in a relationship where the man is taking the lead, but the man is smart enough to recognize that your input is just as important to the outcome as his.
So how is that the man taking the lead? Is that not just two adults considering each others opinions and making a decision based on that?
You don't get to consider your wife's opinion, and then be the one to make the decision - what if you disagree? The guy always gets to have the final say? I do not think so buddy.
I think submission has such a bad connotation to it that for most people the thought of it is not appealing, but if you get into the details of it, it's actually a beautiful thing.
So you be the submissive one then. If you can find a woman who wants a submissive man.
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