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It's not what the odds are, it's not even as much a question of who IS nicer/smarter, it only comes down to the ability to not settle for less that you know would make you happy.
But how do you know that ?
I've always been afraid to want what I want because 'nobody's perfect' and 'what's the likelihood of finding that' (a counter-empowering self-upbringing I suppose).
How do you know when to settle and when not? Some people have it embedded in their code since childhood ('grandma taught me', 'mum said that to me once'), a mixture of wisdom, optimism and CONFIDENCE that what's reserved for you is set aside and will kick in at one point.
I don't have that.
Can anyone share some tips on how to stop questioning yourself too much and how to maintain a decent level of faith ?
Maybe you are looking for perfect. Maybe you are expecting a decisive moment, feeling, or event to happen instantly.
Don't look for it so hard that it consumes you.
A watched pot never boils. (An old saying).
Live your life doing what is best for you and let the cards fall when they are ready.
You just might stumble onto an Ace.
The best things in life are worth waiting for and will eventually come into your life. Probably when you least expect it.
Sometimes a person can't find what they are looking for because they have lost their focus looking for something that isn't there yet. But if you keep looking there will come a time when you know you have found what you have been searching for.
Don't let looking for something in the short term blind you.
See the horizon, not just the next few blades of grass.
In other words, keep your head up. You see farther that way with more chance of finding what you want.
well theres two schools of thought on this subject.
The first is the pursuit of happiness/perfection. Spending all your time focused on achieving your goals and getting everything that you want in order to be happy. Like getting the big house, fast car, beautiful wife, etc etc. I have no experience in having everything I want so I cannot say whether this is true way of being happy or not. But there is also a saying that "the only thing worse than not getting everything you want in life is getting it and it still not being enough" (the pursuit of the dream is better than the dream). "when You get what you want but not what you need, could it be worse??"(Coldplay)
Which leads to the other school of thought.
Instead of focusing all your energy on your dream focus on the now too. If you can't love the one you want, love the one you're with. Theres something to be said for appreciating what you do have instead of focusing on what you don't. I think the Rolling Stones sum it up nicely "you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need."
well theres two schools of thought on this subject.
The first is the pursuit of happiness/perfection. Spending all your time focused on achieving your goals and getting everything that you want in order to be happy. Like getting the big house, fast car, beautiful wife, etc etc. I have no experience in having everything I want so I cannot say whether this is true way of being happy or not. But there is also a saying that "the only thing worse than not getting everything you want in life is getting it and it still not being enough" (the pursuit of the dream is better than the dream). "when You get what you want but not what you need, could it be worse??"(Coldplay)
Which leads to the other school of thought.
Instead of focusing all your energy on your dream focus on the now too. If you can't love the one you want, love the one you're with. Theres something to be said for appreciating what you do have instead of focusing on what you don't. I think the Rolling Stones sum it up nicely "you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need."
PS- Sorry for all the random quotes
Yeah... some claim you get what you need and not what you want, but it sucks nevertheless. On the other hand, I have gotten things I wanted and deeply regretted getting them later... Oh, well... life is a crapshoot for the most part.
Yeah... some claim you get what you need and not what you want, but it sucks nevertheless. On the other hand, I have gotten things I wanted and deeply regretted getting them later... Oh, well... life is a crapshoot for the most part.
So very true. It's really hard to tell someone how to to find a balance. Go with your gut is usually the best answer, I think.
It's all in the Tao. Seriously. (okay, so it's not for everyone, I know)
Act and ruin it.
Grasp and you lose it.
Therefore the Sage
Does not act
And so does not ruin
Does not grasp
And so does not lose.
All I know is, good things happen when I go with the flow. Any time I try to act on something it's a total disaster. Therefore I pursue nothing. You can literally compare to any time you consciously look for something that you never find, until you find it when you're not looking for it.
It's all in the Tao. Seriously. (okay, so it's not for everyone, I know)
Act and ruin it.
Grasp and you lose it.
Therefore the Sage
Does not act
And so does not ruin
Does not grasp
And so does not lose.
All I know is, good things happen when I go with the flow. Any time I try to act on something it's a total disaster. Therefore I pursue nothing. You can literally compare to any time you consciously look for something that you never find, until you find it when you're not looking for it.
You know, I'm getting more interested in the Eastern philosophies myself. Perhaps if we do leave things alone the pieces of the puzzle may fall down in place and fit better... On the other hand, one may argue that nothing will ever be achieved...
You know, I'm getting more interested in the Eastern philosophies myself. Perhaps if we do leave things alone the pieces of the puzzle may fall down in place and fit better... On the other hand, one may argue that nothing will ever be achieved...
The first thing I came to terms with was the idea that I may very well be single for the rest of my life. That makes it a lot easier, so I'm not constantly on the lookout for something that might not be there.
Success for me has always just come easier when I didn't try which is probably why this kind of philosophy comes easy for me.
Once upon a time there was this woman who always sat near me on the train, for months we never spoke until we both missed the train and idly started chatting on the platform and became friends vs. the time I saw someone on the train, got up, moved to a seat near hers, started a conversation and fumbled my way through it like a goon.
The first thing I came to terms with was the idea that I may very well be single for the rest of my life. That makes it a lot easier, so I'm not constantly on the lookout for something that might not be there.
Success for me has always just come easier when I didn't try which is probably why this kind of philosophy comes easy for me.
Perhaps it is easier for some... I'm cursed to be a Capricorn and I can't seem to leave things alone. We're destined to climb difficult uphills sinking ourselves deeper and deeper in the doo-doo in the meantime.
Quote:
Once upon a time there was this woman who always sat near me on the train, for months we never spoke until we both missed the train and idly started chatting on the platform and became friends vs. the time I saw someone on the train, got up, moved to a seat near hers, started a conversation and fumbled my way through it like a goon.
I agree that spontaneous developments work better. The thing is many times there are limitations of various nature and nothing will ever happen if you don't give it a nudge. According to these same Eastern philosophies, the final destination of evolvement in terms of relationships is celibacy, though... I'm not sure I want that permanently as I miss affection.
Perhaps it is easier for some... I'm cursed to be a Capricorn and I can't seem to leave things alone. We're destined to climb difficult uphills sinking ourselves deeper and deeper in the doo-doo in the meantime.
I agree that spontaneous developments work better. The thing is many times there are limitations of various nature and nothing will ever happen if you don't give it a nudge. According to these same Eastern philosophies, the final destination of evolvement in terms of relationships is celibacy, though... I'm not sure I want that permanently as I miss affection.
Well, that's the thing: it's all about action or non-action, not re-action. So acting on an opening is fine as long as it presents itself and wouldn't require forcing it to happen. Like the first example: a conversation was initiated when we could have both stood around silently waiting for the next train. Instead someone saw the opportunity to take initiative.
Being celibate is like quitting smoking. You go through the withdrawal phase then it gets easier with an occasional craving now and then, lol.
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