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My point was that he knew she was a smoker when he got involved. I was saying that there is a dynamic in play here that has nothing to do with the smoking.
Yes I knew she smoked, but I ASSumed she smoked like most people. Up to say half a pack to a pack maybe? Not her. 3 solid packs a day, lit one up every ~20 minutes by the clock when she wasn't chain smoking them. I only saw her once a week for several weeks before I found this out. Yes I should of ran at that point... I have seen the health consequences of her habit so far and she will suffer if she does not stop soon...
Yes I knew she smoked, but I ASSumed she smoked like most people. Up to say half a pack to a pack maybe? Not her. 3 solid packs a day, lit one up every ~20 minutes by the clock when she wasn't chain smoking them. I only saw her once a week for several weeks before I found this out. Yes I should of ran at that point... I have seen the health consequences of her habit so far and she will suffer if she does not stop soon...
Well, if you cannot handle her addiction,and she cannot stop....move on!
Yes I knew she smoked, but I ASSumed she smoked like most people. Up to say half a pack to a pack maybe? Not her. 3 solid packs a day, lit one up every ~20 minutes by the clock when she wasn't chain smoking them. I only saw her once a week for several weeks before I found this out. Yes I should of ran at that point... I have seen the health consequences of her habit so far and she will suffer if she does not stop soon...
Three packs a day!
Ok, I was right about one thing, someone has a problem here but it is her. Nobody smokes that much unless they have problems, it's a slow suicide. I can understand your problem with this but seriously there is nothing you can do except leave her to it. Maybe the loss might jolt her into doing something about it.
Cigarettes are just as much a mental addiction as they are a physical one, probably more so. The physical addiction can be handled if the head is in the right place. She needs to get her head in that place and unfortunately you can't do it for her. I've known people who chain smoke like that and they are the ones who still smoke even after being diagnosed with emphysema or cancer.
You have to decide what you can handle and you have to assume that she won't change when you make that decision. If you really can't handle the smoking, as hard as it is, you have to say goodbye and break off contact. If she says she will give up, tell her to give you a call when she does. Who knows, you just might be the inspiration she needs to give up.
That's a mean thing to say WyoNewk.There is a real good book on the market I read once, called:
"Helpng Your Loved One Quit" or something like that.
Yeah, I'd just read the thread about grumpy old 62-year-old men.
To be perfectly honest, I can't imagine anyone being so set against smokers that they'd end an otherwise happy relationship because their S.O. won't quit. My wife smokes. Yeah, I wish she'd quit, but I don't hound her about it, and I never will. My late wife also smoked. She died at a young age (51), but it had nothing to do with her smoking. We slipped a few cigs in her pocket before she was cremated.
This is a tough situation. You went into the relationship knowing that she smoked and now, this far down the road, you've decided it's a bigger problem than you realized. You need to decide now if she's worth putting up with the smoking or not. If not, leave her sooner rather than later so she can find someone she's more compatible with, and won't be arguing with the rest of her shortened life.
I've lost one uncle to lung cancer at age 57 (he was a 3+ pack a day chain smoker) and a second uncle just had most of his right lung removed (he quit smoking a year ago after a 30 year habit) so I'm certainly not one to tell you to just deal with it. Lung cancer is a nasty way to die.
There are smokers on this forum whose posts I enjoy reading and tend to agree with the majority of the time. I have good friends who smoke (although they at least try to sit downwind of me when they light up) but I would never under any circumstances date a smoker. It's the biggest dealbreaker for me because I would never willingly put myself through what my aunt went through watching her husband die a slow painful death. He was one of my favorite uncles and family gatherings have not been the same, all because of cigarettes.
My point was that he knew she was a smoker when he got involved. I was saying that there is a dynamic in play here that has nothing to do with the smoking.
And MY point is that you can love someone regardless of certain habits, but that doesn't preclude wanting them to be healthy.
This is not about changing another person. If it were about changing a hobby, a style, or one's friends - yes, i could see how that could be the case.
But, "I LOVE YOU, STOP KILLING YOURSELF" is NOT an infringement on some libertarian ideal.
If this is a deal breaker then it's a deal breaker. You knew she smoked when you started going out with her so obviously she had qualities you liked. Apparently your thing with cigarettes now overshadows those other qualities. Give the woman a break and stop seeing her. She won't have to put up with your nagging then, either.
As a smoker I think dumping someone because they smoke would be as dumb as dumping someone who didn't, but that's just me.
I agree. He dated her, then tried to change her.
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