Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Are there people who are emotionally disconnected in marriage or relationship. Does it help? Can it improve?
Moreover How would you know that is it worth staying with someone with whom you cannot emotionally connect well.
I was emotionally disconnected with the guy in my last relationship. He had a soft interior and I have a hard one. Stuff he cared about and let bother him, I really could not care less about because it just wasn't that deep to me.... so my words of wisdom to him, about certain situations, didn't come across well with him. It just didn't work out and I don't think it can with these two types of opposites.
I think at times there is an emotional disconnect in all relationships. I know that my husband and I go through phases like this. Right now is a perfect example in our lives. We recently moved to our hometown (at my insistance) so that he could be closer and here for his best childhood friend while he is going through a nasty divorce. For the past few weeks, I have felt a disconnect emotionally from him, and I am wondering if it is not because his friend is laying some heavy emotions on him and he is letting it get to our relationship. If it continues much longer, I am going to try to explain to him how I feel and we will figure out what we can do about it.
This really does happen the friend could be complaining about his ex all the time just venting to his friend (nothing to do with you personally) then your husband comes home and transfers those emotions on to you and in most instances without really realizeing why he's doing that.
I think at times there is an emotional disconnect in all relationships. I know that my husband and I go through phases like this. Right now is a perfect example in our lives. We recently moved to our hometown (at my insistance) so that he could be closer and here for his best childhood friend while he is going through a nasty divorce. For the past few weeks, I have felt a disconnect emotionally from him, and I am wondering if it is not because his friend is laying some heavy emotions on him and he is letting it get to our relationship. If it continues much longer, I am going to try to explain to him how I feel and we will figure out what we can do about it.
Hey Jen.
I have alot of respect for you!!
Thanks for sharing with us the fact that you support your husband.
Yes, but this is normal and expectable, at least in my world.
There is no such thing as a "soul mate".
We all live alone in our own heads.
It is unreasonable to expect someone to live in there with you, because they can't. It's just not possible.
Yet it seems that many people do expect this from their spouses or significant others.
Exactly.
Thanks for the thoughts.
I think many spouses try to make that square peg fit the circle hole. When it doesn't go in, they slam it, bang it, shove it, hammer it and any thing else they can think of to make that peg fit. I'm sure after a few years of this that peg will have it's edges worn off of it to where it will fit but most of the time that wood peg will just split in half and you will not have that peg.
HUH?!!
In other words, you cannot make someone fit the mold you have created in your head as to what YOU think your spouse should be like. They are unique and their own individual. Find the true qualities you like and draw them out. Encourage and support them. Don't try to change them.
I disagree with all of you. I think one should absolutely expect an emotional connection with one's spouse. If you have one with others (friends, siblings, etc.), why on earth wouldn't you expect one with your spouse? After all, isn't it the emotional connection that bonds you to another person? Come on! I know first hand what it's like to live with a "disconnected" spouse. In my opinion, it makes the relationship meaningless and just like a "roommate" situation. I have also had the pleasure of being in a relationship with my "soulmate". I was allowed to be myself in every way and pursue all my interests (including the kooky ones), and received 100% support, always. I was treated with patience, kindess and love, but the person had a violent streak and I had to end the relationship. The person had deep-seated issues in that area and none of us are perfect, but to this day, I refer to that person as my "one true love", because of the freedom I felt in that relationship. We shared secrets with each other that we will both take to our graves and if, God forbid, that person was to ever fall helpless (illness, disability), I would run to his side. I know he feels the same way about me. He is still a very dear friend to me and knows me better than anyone on this earth. It is something like a tragic love story, but, the moral of the story is, we could never have bonded in this way without an emotional connection.
Sometimes, people are just diffrent in that way. I mean, we were all raised diffrently, and it obviously affects us, emotionally.
My family did not show much "affection." I never heard I love you, etc. as I was growing up. It doesn`t mean that I was raised badly, because I wasn`t. I`m just saying, that families are diffrent, in the emotional state of mind. I think it affects, somewhat, how we are today.
Maybe you were raised with a caring hand, to apologize, and she wasn`t.
Maybe she carries her emotions on the back burner, and you have to get to her level, in order to convience her of what you are trying to say.....
Sometimes, people are just diffrent in that way. I mean, we were all raised diffrently, and it obviously affects us, emotionally.
My family did not show much "affection." I never heard I love you, etc. as I was growing up. It doesn`t mean that I was raised badly, because I wasn`t. I`m just saying, that families are diffrent, in the emotional state of mind. I think it affects, somewhat, how we are today.
Maybe you were raised with a caring hand, to apologize, and she wasn`t.
Maybe she carries her emotions on the back burner, and you have to get to her level, in order to convience her of what you are trying to say.....
I disagree with all of you. I think one should absolutely expect an emotional connection with one's spouse. If you have one with others (friends, siblings, etc.), why on earth wouldn't you expect one with your spouse? After all, isn't it the emotional connection that bonds you to another person? Come on! I know first hand what it's like to live with a "disconnected" spouse. In my opinion, it makes the relationship meaningless and just like a "roommate" situation. I have also had the pleasure of being in a relationship with my "soulmate". I was allowed to be myself in every way and pursue all my interests (including the kooky ones), and received 100% support, always. I was treated with patience, kindess and love, but the person had a violent streak and I had to end the relationship. The person had deep-seated issues in that area and none of us are perfect, but to this day, I refer to that person as my "one true love", because of the freedom I felt in that relationship. We shared secrets with each other that we will both take to our graves and if, God forbid, that person was to ever fall helpless (illness, disability), I would run to his side. I know he feels the same way about me. He is still a very dear friend to me and knows me better than anyone on this earth. It is something like a tragic love story, but, the moral of the story is, we could never have bonded in this way without an emotional connection.
Well, if he is not getting anywhere with her, in the emotional dept.
Then why should he not try to convince her, or talk to her, about how he is feeling? Some, maybe actually do need to be convinced, that they are serious about what they are trying to say, in order to get the others attention. Some people just don`t get it!
Well, if he is not getting anywhere with her, in the emotional dept.
Then why should he not try to convince her, or talk to her, about how he is feeling? Some, maybe actually do need to be convinced, that they are serious about what they are trying to say, in order to get the others attention. Some people just don`t get it!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
HUH?!!
