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That's a really ****ty situation. I don't know anything about you other than what you have typed in this thread. But, I know you don't deserve that...nobody does, and I wouldn't be sticking around to see how things play out.
As mentioned above, it was completely and totally premeditated...
Fyi, talking to that girl is useless. It's up to your man who had control over how you were treated and HE let you down. Not her...SHE let church boy down.
Good luck from here on out though, life gets pretty messed up sometimes.
Thanks for the responses everyone. I realize no matter what this is a decision I need to make on my own, but it feels good to get it out and get some input. If I told my BFF, she would kick my husband's ***** and that wouldn't solve anything... well, it would make me feel a little better, maybe. Also, if we do decide to work this out, I really don't want the entire town to know about it, and I am sure it would get around.
For those that have suggested counseling, I told my husband this evening that I am going to see someone by myself for the rest of the pregnancy. I need someone unbiased to talk to and don't really want to drag my family and friends into this. But, at the same time, I don't want to try to "fix" anything right now. I am doing the best I can to keep my stress levels down so I don't end up in the hospital having really early babies, and trying to go through my feelings about all of it with him right now would not be healthy. Only 8-10 weeks left and then I can let it all out. Until then, I need to talk to someone.
As far as the woman, I have decided that once I am no longer pregnant and the hormones have subsided, I am going to re-evaluate my feelings and then tell him I need to talk to her. I am not going to tell her husband, as I really don't care what happens to them, and the fact that she is the wife of a pastor just means she will have to deal with Him later. It is not my place to judge, and do not envy her for the decision she made to have an abortion. That was her decision to make, though I am not at all happy about being the one to pay for it. But, I want her to know that I know exactly what happened and that she needs to drop off the planet as far as we are concerned.
This is an excellent plan - do not involve you family or friends - even though you may forgive him they never will and it will be a problem for the rest of your lives.
Family and friends mean well, but their own emotions get caught up in what happened and they don't always give the best advice. Stick with a neutral 3rd party counselor and you'll make the most progress in figuring out what to do. Hang in there!
BTW...I applaud you for being a surrogate mother, for someone who cannot have children!!!!!
Your awesome!
Thanks. I just hope I can keep my cool for a few more weeks until these two boys get here and are safely with their parents. I think their well-being is the only thing keeping me from losing it.
I'm soooo sorry you are going through this! I can't even imagine how difficult it might be for you.
Unfortunately your husband had an extended affair. It wasn't a spare of the moment/heat of the moment kind of thing. This was a prolonged affair and it started from him talking to her on Facebook without telling you. I believe that the affair starts from "the thought", not from the action and I also believe that he knew that he is going to sleep with her when he sees her, or at least he didn't exclude that possibility.
If you want to continue living with this man, you need to see a marriage counselor.
It's "easy" to say: "forgive him or don't forgive him". I don't know what I would do. Usually, I think it's best to forgive and try to save the family, give another chance... I'm inclined to say that I would forgive my husband because everyone makes mistakes. Also, I give him benefit of a doubt that he finally did come and tell the truth, he could have continued to lie, he could have made up a story. Seems to me that he felt very guilty for a long time and it weighed on him as a burden and he just wanted to finally get it off his chest.
Good luck to you with whatever you decide. I also want to recommend this amazing book called:
BROKEN OPEN
Sometimes, the worst things that happen to you open up brand new doors in your life, doors to new relationships.
Thanks. I just hope I can keep my cool for a few more weeks until these two boys get here and are safely with their parents. I think their well-being is the only thing keeping me from losing it.
I am an adopted Mother, so I can somehow relate. You are special. It takes a special person to do what you do! You really do not need the extra heat, but you know what you have to get through, and then, deal with your home problems! To me, thats special! I wish I had a heart to send you.. lol....
As for your homelife.......(shakes head) thats a tough one!
He can boo hoo that he will never do it again, and oh, how he is sorry that it happened, but.......in reality. It DID happen! He is a grown man. Do you all share children?
I think you are making the best decisions right now even under all these stressfull situations. Whether you stay with your husband or not he was/is lucky to have you. From your post you seem like a very nice person and well grounded. Use a counselor and city-data as your outlets for now. It seems there's plenty of people who've been through it who can help you.
I am an adopted Mother, so I can somehow relate. You are special. It takes a special person to do what you do! You really do not need the extra heat, but you know what you have to get through, and then, deal with your home problems! To me, thats special! I wish I had a heart to send you.. lol....
As for your homelife.......(shakes head) thats a tough one!
He can boo hoo that he will never do it again, and oh, how he is sorry that it happened, but.......in reality. It DID happen! He is a grown man. Do you all share children?
I applaud you for adopting. It takes a huge heart to love so unconditionally.
We have three children together. Makes it tough to just jump to any kind of decision. For the time being, they are going to be oblivious. Pretty easy for the two toddlers, but the nine year old is pretty observant. We also have my daughter (13) from a first marriage here on weekends throughout the summer, and she will know something is up if we don't at least come to some kind of compromise these next couple months and get on with some sort of normal routine.
I think you are the only one that can decide if you can stay with him. I know I could never forgive my husband if he cheated on me.
That said, $1500 seems a lot for an abortion....
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It DID happen! He is a grown man. Do you all share children? 
