Are kids really a dealbreaker for that many people? (dating, wife, boyfriend)
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I am separated and have two little ones. Obviously from reading here, some people REALLY don't want to date any one that already has children. So I want to know how many people actually feel that way.
Also, what if I don't want any more children, would that deter some people to the point of not wanting to date?
I've known a few people actually that have their own kids, but outright REFUSE to date any one with kids of their own.
What is that about anyway?
Not speaking for myself as I'm not in the market (as you know.. ).
I think a MAJOR part of the aprehension with dating someone with kids may not be, so much, the kids themselves, but the fact that someone already having kids, almost without exception, HAS to be in touch a LOT with the ex....
Some people can't handle the constant reminder that yes, you've been with someone else, etc...
I mean we ALL have ex's, but we don't want to see them, or have a daily reminder of them and have to talk to them on the phone, etc...
Well,this is my story. When I was single I would never date a guy with kids. IN spite of myself having TWO kids, I didn't want to be competition for the kids,didn't want any ex-wife / baby mama drama, etc.
Yes, having kids myself, I didn't date men with kids. They knew up front I had kids but I kept my kids / being a mom life completely separate from my dating life. Those men I dated never met my kids and because I was just out mostly socializing and having fun, I knew that nothing would ever turn serious and therefore, that's how I justified it to men who wanted to date me who had kids. I told them flat out my true and honest feelings and yea, now and then I'd get some hate mail but you know, I was always honest.
I don't feel bad about how I handled being single but in hindsight,I probably would have met a really nice guy who was maybe a single dad or maybe didn't have any drama - Now, if I were to be single again - I'd open up a little and see what's available to me. I am now in a relationship with a man who never had or wanted kids but accepted me because my kids were older but I'm not gonna lie, it's been tough and he has NO clue or understanding about how a family unit works, what it's like when your kids need help, etc... He's so clueless but has other great attributes so it's a give and take. I'm not perfect either.
I'd be worried if I was dating (I'm married) because I don't think the majority of men WANT anyone else's kid.
I would not choose a man over my son. Everyone says, "Why is so and so afraid of dating or why doesn't she find a new man" about people after a divorce or death of a spouse but who wants some guy who will abuse your child?
How many times have we seen it in the media?? Boyfriend kills child of girlfriend...boyfriend abuses girlfriend's baby...
I'm not saying there aren't good step parents out there but if a man or woman says NO KIDS you have to respect them and MOVE ON!! I agree with the person above me...who wants Baby Mama/Daddy drama? I see too much of it with my brother and his ex vs. him and his new wife...the 'kids' are in their early 20s but it's just DRAMA all around...
I'd be worried if I was dating (I'm married) because I don't think the majority of men WANT anyone else's kid.
I would not choose a man over my son. Everyone says, "Why is so and so afraid of dating or why doesn't she find a new man" about people after a divorce or death of a spouse but who wants some guy who will abuse your child?
How many times have we seen it in the media?? Boyfriend kills child of girlfriend...boyfriend abuses girlfriend's baby...
I'm not saying there aren't good step parents out there but if a man or woman says NO KIDS you have to respect them and MOVE ON!! I agree with the person above me...who wants Baby Mama/Daddy drama? I see too much of it with my brother and his ex vs. him and his new wife...the 'kids' are in their early 20s but it's just DRAMA all around...
So basically what you've done here is explained to everyone why so many women LOVED the movie "Jerry Maguire"....
I don't have children and a deal breaker for me is if someone has children.
It's an immediate turn off. You can be the most gorgeous woman ever but if she has kids....nope nope nope.
I wouldn't want to fall for someone who has kids because I don't want kids.
I had a dream last night I was pregnant. I wanted to just cry when I woke up and I was glad it wasn't true.
I can see Rhett_Butler's point.
I think a lot of times those with kids don't mind dating someone who had kids because they can relate and they don't feel like they'll be rejected just for having kids.
My step-mom didn't mind that my dad had a child (me) and my step-dad already had a daughter and so did my mom.
In addition to my previous comment - it's got to be a level playing field which is what I used to advise my single gal pals about. If you are single, and you start dating a guy who's got kids, first of all, rest assured he's paying child support, he's got an ex no matter if it's a wife or what, and he's got kids. So, his time and money are spent elsewhere and then you stand there wondering why you get nothing out of the relationship.
Date within your league. if you are single and no kids, seek the samel. Likewise, if you are previously married and have kids, it might behoove you to seek the same.
Going against my own advice ?? Yes, but remember, I never let my dating life interfere with me being a Mom and I NEVER had any ex hubby drama and he lived far enough away. We had our arrangement, he paid his support. For me, it was a non issue.
If I was single I would not date a person with kids. I might consider it if they were grown, out of college, working with a family of their own, and not dependent at all on their parent, but other than that, no chance.
There is no equal footing from the get go. You go into the relationship knowing full well that you come last. If you buy $300 theater tickets and the kid gets the sniffles, you can't go. If the kid has hockey practice every Saturday and a game on Sunday, that's your weekend until the season is over and baseball or whatever starts up. If the kid(s) participate in their local youth group and go to the rec center every Friday and Saturday night then your schedule is dictated by what time you have to drop them off and pick them up. If I wanted those conditions, I would have had my own kids.
Don't get me wrong, I think that a parent should put their kid first and do all of the above things, but that is just not for me.
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