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I'm 24 and I got the "Where is your life going?!" talk from my mother a few months ago. I find it rather disturbing, because out of all my siblings (I have 6), I, at 24, have been the most successful at this point in life. I have a career, a house, a car, I almost have a dog...
It's sad that success in my life, according to my mother, is defined as having a husband and kids. She said "you're not getting any younger, why haven't you found someone to marry??". Please. I'm practically still an infant to 90% of the world.
So, to answer your question: NO, I do not stress over my biological clock. I DO want to have my own family someday, but for goodness sake, give me some time!
Forgive me if I am mistaken but isnt this important within the LDS Church? Arent you "encouraged" to have large families?
If you are not ready to commit 100% you are not ready to have a baby. If you are going to bring a child into this world, for the love of pete, at least try to develop a stable home with a committed partner to help love, nurture and support this child.
Sure a person can raise children alone, but it is no walk in the park. IMO to create a child because your clock is ticking knowing your child will be disadvantaged growing up in a single parent home is unfair to the child.
Get a dog.
THANK YOU!!! THAT was my point! If you can't commit to anyone you sure can't commit to that baby you are thinking of bringing into this world Being responsible for a baby is a HUGE committment best done with the help of a loving, committed partner.
Magical things seem to happen in life when you least expect it. When you aren't dwelling, hoping, wishing, or dreaming, sometimes it happens to fall in your lap.
Put your vibes out there of what you want, then get on with your life doing those things you need to do before it comes too quickly and you're not ready.
To quiet your biological clock until you can turn up the music of those chimes more, is to find a way to nestle. For me, although I can not bear children, I found hobbies and a part time job around kids to serve my needs at the time. I was 27-30 when I picked up a hobby restoring dolls, and made a lot of friends online doing it. One of the doll collectors held a bath camp for the summer, and each of us in the club sent our favorite doll at the time to the camp. She came back with a name tag, a picture of her and mom (that's me), a hand made painted tee shirt, and some camp things she had done during play time.
It sounds silly, but when you're struggling to adapt to newly married status, (him being an only child), and can't bear him children, sometimes things like this no matter how silly, really truly help. For one summer I got to be an imaginary mom, and how that thrilled me, even though it was only a doll, repaired my soul, and allowed me to move on to other things once I got the hang of it.
Use your time you have now to shop, plan, dream, and imagine. You'll be glad you spent time for yourself now while you could, when that little one does indeed come. Better late than never, you'll be a mom if you really want to.
To the OP - don't worry so much; each night, think of what you have that is positive; you are in school doing something positive for yourself and your future; it sounds like you are in a good relationship with room for growth and it sounds like your BF is open to the children idea.
Things will work out - lots of women are having their first at 35. In my opinion, you will be in a better place.
Yup, I'll admit to it. Turned 30 this year. Divorced. In a good relationship - with a man who has had a vasectomy. I'm in school for the next 3-4 years.
*sigh*
I enjoy being around kids but sometimes I feel a little jealous, angry, sad.
The boyfriend says he'd get a reverse vasectomy if and when we both felt ready, probably when I am close to being done with school. IF we are still together. Things are great now, but divorce has made me cynical. It's just as well that I'm in school because emotionally I am not ready to 100% commit to someone. Not that you have to be committed to someone to have a baby.
I always thought I'd have 2 kids, ideally before turning 30. Now I'm looking at not even starting to try until I am 34, and I am nervous about thinking of trying much after age 35-37, due to the increased risk. I am open to adoption, but in my heart I'd really like to have at least one biologically.
Anyone else stressed about this? I don't really have anyone else to talk to about it.
I think you should take a more frank look at this situation. Sounds like you arent' happy. A guy who went thru the trouble, cost, and pain of actually getting a vasectomy is PROBABLY NOT going to have kids. Unless you are in love with the dude I'd look elsewhere.
If you think you do want kids, now is the time. Better now than later. Think about it if you are 34 and still dating you'll be having this same conversation. Not sure why you're in school, but if you have a kid, you'll have to put that or the job it lands you on hold for a while. Why not do that later and start a family now?
I spend a lot of time with the cows and goats on the place here. Far beyond the act of breeding, whether it is cattle or kids, is the long term relationship, nurturing, raising, directing and the involvement required.
If you insist on having kids, now is the time to do it. I was mid 30's when I had kids and by the time they were into football and sports, I was too old and tired to play with them the way I would have liked to. I'm now over 60 and an just now becoming a grandfather. Showing my grandson how to field a baseball or how to get low when you tackle is probably not going to happen.
Let me let you in on a secret. My (former) wife finished her Masters while we raised kids. It can be done. If you don't get an education by the time you are 35, you can still get it by the time you are 45. Can't say that with the same degree of certainty about kids.
I am VERY proud of them, and I didn't need a man to accomplish them! Even this past weekend when I was visting my sister and her family, she told me "We need another man in the family! My husband has no one to talk to when the family gets together." I think it was her round about way of saying "get on the ball!" Hey sis, just because YOU got married at 23 and had your first kid at 24 doesn't mean I have to...
Hi MAtheBanker,
She is not entirely wrong, it may just no be applicable to you. If marriage life does not appeal to you, it really does not matter. You are in your prime now, and she knows that. It will be more difficult later, but you can make adjustments. What I would say is what ever it is you want to do , do it now.
Though I am not sure why having a career and a house is successful. Contentment is successful.
In college my friends all were playing musical chairs. Finding people was as easy as another box of cracker jack. They were all married when the music stopped. That was not me. After college, it was harder and work took over and so on... Those were the post 25 years. As I rounded 30, my grandmothers and my mother were definitely wondering what was up. My 90 year old grandmother asked me if they were too fat? In my early thirties I was every odd wheel you could think of. 3,5,7,9. You think it gets better? It gets worse
You just have to be constantly aware of your cohort. Some people think college dating lasts forever. I listened very carefully from a 50 year old man who told me that getting to know someone as you age is more difficult. You don't have as much time and because the population is sparser, distance also factors in. The Saturday night date is slow going. No more weekends hanging out and doing nothing etc. Also at 24, every person you look at is single. In 10 years, it will be the opposite. Adjust accordingly.
I finally married at a month before 35.
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Being responsible for a baby is a HUGE committment best done with the help of a loving, committed partner.
Bio clock
of actually getting a vasectomy is PROBABLY NOT going to have kids. Unless you are in love with the dude I'd look elsewhere.
