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There's no need to be embarrassed as 1) You are online 2) You are in a Relationship forum 3) People can relate to relationship issues 4) Asking for help is character building.
As for your situation, it could be that you have daddy issues or you just happen to prefer older men. Have you ever dated similar age-ranged men?
Also, older men might find it easier to target young, naive women (inexperienced) than the more emotional mature and level-headed women.
It was very smart of you to not allow him to conduct the nasty without using protection. It is inconsiderate of him and is dangerous to both of you. This is the first red flag.
The second red flag is that he lied about his age to you. Maybe he felt insecure about his age, but then again, lying about age is a no-no if he wanted to be in a dedicated relationship.
The reason why I think you are so quick to "jump back to his arms" is because you still long to see some good in him. We all fall under this trap, despite having one or many relationships under our belts (or skirts). Or that it was your 1st (?) real relationship, so you thought he would be the "one".
My suggestion is that you have to do a lot of self-reflection. Why go back to this particular this man? Make a list of pros and cons. Talk to your friends about it. Though, the main question is: Do you want to get back together with him?
The more information you give us, the more we have to work with. So if you care to describe how long you were with this man, how he usually treats you, his status, why you broke up with him, have you ever dated men similar to your own age, what you did after he texted you back, etc, that would be helpful.
LOL wow, your hypothetical scenario was really easy to see through. Of course, it's you! No one creates hypothetical scenarios that are that detailed unless it is pertaining to them!
About your situation though, get rid of the guy. He is not worth it. You are young. There are so many amazing guys in this world to meet. Trust me.
This is where you need to STOP listening to your feelings, and START listening to your brain and logic. It's hard. I've been there. It sucks. But it will ultimately make you feel much happier.
^^^Thanks, but how do I do that? Of course when I think of the bad situations, I feel more empowered but I also feel like there were more good situations than bad...
I need some advice. Say that there's this young girl: 21, beautiful, yet slightly insecure African-American girl who does not have a good relationship w/ her father. She meets an older, Middle Eastern gentleman who says that he is 30 yrs old but then she finds that she doesn't trust him & when she does a background check on him, she discovers that his true age is 40.
However, all this girl seems to attract is older men who have a slightly possessive streak. She doesn't dress like an old woman & likes to do things w/ her peers, so why does she attract these men?
She then proceeds to break up w/ the gentleman who has been very gracious towards her yet at the same time pressures her into sleeping with him (she is still a virgin) yet she gives him sexual favors but doesn't allow him to penetrate her yet because the 1st attempt he didn't want to wear a condom...Since the breakup, she has been moving along quite nicely...
2 weeks later, she feels like there was no official "closure" & text messages him, simply saying "Hello"...he then immediately calls & sends her text messages, saying "I miss you", etc. & when they finally have a phone conversation, he asks her for another chance...
Why did this girl do this? She's not an idiot, on the contrary, she is very smart yet naive when it comes to relationships. She wants to see the best in this man & still has feelings for him. Does she have daddy issues? How can she fix the situation?
Do you spend a lot of time alone? Do you have a healthy social life (friends) that you spend time with, or are you more introverted and tend to keep to yourself a lot? I'm guessing you spend more time alone than you should. He lied to you initially, because he didn't have the confidence in himself to think that he could get you by telling the truth. So he already demonstrated he has a character flaw (liar), and that he's somewhat insecure himself.
You say you texted him to get closure...closure for who, you or him? Perhaps you thought he was going to chase you when you split up, and the fact that he didn't started eating away at you. So two weeks go by and you jabbed him a little with a text to see if he still wants you. Once you validated that he does, you don't know how to get the lion back in the cage. You should have left him alone. He was probably out there pursuing another 21 year old telling her he was 29.
I've been there. Like you I am attracted to older men. They are not all users, however. So, in your case I honestly believe that the pain you feel as you let this one go is what is known as the pain that ends the pain--like a surgical amputation. This man can ruin your life and rob you of your happiness if you let him. I am sure there is much to like about him, but given all the other red flags you've experienced and shared this time the bad far outweighs the good. You deserve love--and respect. Please do not settle for less.
OK, the girl is me. I'm just a little embarrassed about the situation is all.
Lets see.........older guy. Hot young girl who does "sexual favors" for him even though she caught him in a lie. Gee! I cant think of any reason he sticks around!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think its just naive/young issues. No daddy issues or anything of the sort. When I lived in an area that had a heavy mid-east population at your age, those men come out in droves for anything that looks virginal,young, innocent. It creeped me out because of the way they looked at you. Yeh..they were all nice, charming, and generous but they were no sweethearts. I think you are probably caught up in the sugar part of it all. But just think of the yucky candy piece of boxed chocolates: the last one...it looks good on the outside, it may even taste good on the outside, but the center is some nasty cream filling you could of avoided if you would of just broke through that sweet shell.
And some sex/health ed for you: The penis starts to shrink after 35 and then starts the "getting it up" problems. Also around 45 people start having serious health problems due to lifestyle/genetics. Not attractive. At his age he probably has had STD exposure/possible carrier. Condoms do not protect you from all stds [herpes/warts(HPV)]And if you get herpes, you are more likely to contract AIDS and other stds from the sores being an open place on your body for them to invade. (not protected by condom)
I don't know what you did in favor land for this guy but if there was fluid around your mouth area you should go get tested for STDs. You can catch it in the throat just as easy as you can in the crotch. Herpes/Warts can also be transfered to the hand. I would not trust his word that he was "healthy"
You just seem like you have not gotten attention so you will run to where you had it last. Don't waste your virginity/time on some creepy old liar. You are only 21 once...Go have fun with some nice guys your age.
Find out what his "real" intentions are. You never know.
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j/k have fun!
