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a little background. we have been married 32 years and for many of them my husband's drinking was a problem. he has "quit" several times only to start back up again even after a dui. finally the disease progressed so far that his boss sent him to Betty Ford. something of course I could never convince him of
I knew he was drinking more and more, but he was great at trying to hide it from me. what I didn't know was that for the last year or so he was consuming at least half a bottle on the commute home. had I known this I would have tried to get the cops to catch him to save an innocent life. never had an accident, I guess its true God looks out for babies and drunks. ( to me they are the same- they both want a bottle, and they want it now). when he came home tipsy and I asked if he drank, he always denied and lied. on weekends he would invent errands so he could ride around and drink. never saw a guy get so many haircuts. classic alcoholic behavior. so I stopped asking, why bother.
he has been away 3 weeks so far ( 30 day treatment) and I know life will still not be easy when he returns. I am trying to get over the years of lies, and wondering if this time it will work when I have been let down time and again. the last couple weeks have been peaceful, not wondering every night if he would get home alive.
he knows this is the last straw for me, 30 plus years of this is a long time. I do see a counselor and attend Al anon ( have for years) and it is very helpful. this truly is the dilemma of the alcoholic marriage- is all the past deception too much, or do I leave and throw away 32 years? thanks for letting me vent
I am glad for you he is getting some help. Wish my ex had before it was too late for our marriage. Only you can decide if it is too late for yours. All I can say is focus on the future and not the past. Good luck.
Good luck to you on your road of healing because it belongs to you equally since being with someone like that can mean you need even greater means of repair. Yes you have two addictions to manage. My ex drank his 1.75 liters every other day after he was at the bar for hours....Life happens. Seek the good in yourself and try to find it for your family. Excuses hurt. I so hope your hubby has success but remember it is "his" and you don't have ownership of it. Your love can help conqueor but after that, it is him. Biggest of prayers to you
a little background. we have been married 32 years and for many of them my husband's drinking was a problem. he has "quit" several times only to start back up again even after a dui. finally the disease progressed so far that his boss sent him to Betty Ford. something of course I could never convince him of
I knew he was drinking more and more, but he was great at trying to hide it from me. what I didn't know was that for the last year or so he was consuming at least half a bottle on the commute home. had I known this I would have tried to get the cops to catch him to save an innocent life. never had an accident, I guess its true God looks out for babies and drunks. ( to me they are the same- they both want a bottle, and they want it now). when he came home tipsy and I asked if he drank, he always denied and lied. on weekends he would invent errands so he could ride around and drink. never saw a guy get so many haircuts. classic alcoholic behavior. so I stopped asking, why bother.
he has been away 3 weeks so far ( 30 day treatment) and I know life will still not be easy when he returns. I am trying to get over the years of lies, and wondering if this time it will work when I have been let down time and again. the last couple weeks have been peaceful, not wondering every night if he would get home alive.
he knows this is the last straw for me, 30 plus years of this is a long time. I do see a counselor and attend Al anon ( have for years) and it is very helpful. this truly is the dilemma of the alcoholic marriage- is all the past deception too much, or do I leave and throw away 32 years? thanks for letting me vent
Well dang, you stayed THIS long, why would you leave now that he's finally getting professional help??
Wow. It takes a special kind of person to deal with this type of thing on a every day basis. I come from a family of alcoholics and drug abusers. My mother was an alcoholic, father still is, one sister was an alcoholic and a drug abuser, and is still struggling with some of it, and my other sister was a drug abuser, and it seems that she's recovered. It's hard to handle. Make sure that you do what is best for you. I'm sure that for a lot of these years, you've been watching out for your husband, more than watching out for yourself, when you REALLY need to be taking care of you.
My mother drank herself to death, and all we could do was watch it happen. She wouldn't listen to anyone, and completely denied that she even had a problem...even with all of the doctors telling her that literally one more drink could kill her. Now that she's gone, I have to see the pain in my father's eyes every time I look at him, and I don't ever want to see that look in any one elses eyes. He misses her so much. They were together for almost 43 years. I'm not sure why I'm telling you this, but I guess maybe it's something for you to think about. I would think that it would be a great deal of pain for you to have to deal with if his treatment isn't successful.
I know that I always have the thought in the back of my mind, "I wonder if had done ________, would it have a difference? Would she still be here?" That kills me every day, and I can only imagine that my father has those same thoughts. My thought process would be this, "I've dealt with this for 30+ years, if he doesn't recover this time, I HAVE to walk away, for my own health and sanity." I don't know and can't say 100% that I WOULD do it, but it certainly would be in the front of my mind.
Anyway, best wishes. I hope that everything works out well for you and your family.
I didn't say I was leaving. just considering my options at this point. if he drank again after many attempts to stop it would be the last straw for me. I hope that doesn't happen but you should alawys have a plan B
I wish you the best. Stay with AlAnon, you still need it. Only a few weeks at Betty Ford won't mean he's sober, only that he is dry.
Do not let yourself slip back into old patterns where you overlook and deny what is in front of you. Venting is good if it helps you rid yourself of anger.
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