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My wife gets many gifts of a material sense from her parents. They ask me what she wants for Christmas and I always tell them the same thing. My wife wants love and attention. The parents just look at me funny.
My wife does not want something that can be bought at a store. She wants her parents to laugh at her jokes, be interested in what she thinks, curious about her last vacation, and talk about her trials and tribulations. Each year at Birthday time she gets none of that... but many gifts. Is this common?
Maybe they dont realize what she actually needs and think they material gifts are love and attention. In reality, they are but is sounds like they are not the form of love and attention she needs. I would say that the next time her parents ask this question, tell them that your wife really would like to go somewhere with them and just spend some quality time with them. I know everyonce in a while my wife needs that and she and her father go on a "date" and just hang out and talk.
There are parents who just don't know how to show love or attention - it makes them uneasy. This may stem from their own respective childhoods, how they were raised, etc. It's sad - very sad, because it affects someone like your wife all of her life. And it makes the spouse sad and helpless because they wish circumstances were different and there is nothing they can do to change the situation.
I think it's just how people were brought up. My Mom doesn't say "I love you" much and I think I started saying it to her a lot before she even reciprocated. Even now she only says it to me when I say it to her first.
It's unfortunate but people express love in different ways. Since I didn't get it much from my parents, I say it to my husband a LOT and he says it back. I know I will instill those values in my future kids!
If it means that much to your wife, maybe she can muster up the courage to talk to her parents. If you guys have kids, make sure you break the cycle and listen to YOUR kids and tell them how much they are loved.
My wife gets many gifts of a material sense from her parents. They ask me what she wants for Christmas and I always tell them the same thing. My wife wants love and attention. The parents just look at me funny.
My wife does not want something that can be bought at a store. She wants her parents to laugh at her jokes, be interested in what she thinks, curious about her last vacation, and talk about her trials and tribulations. Each year at Birthday time she gets none of that... but many gifts. Is this common?
Were the parents brought up in the same manner? Maybe they look at you funny because they honestly don't know what you mean. Maybe for a gift you could buy the 4 of you tickets to a play or whatever social function they would like. This way they don't have to be focused solely on each other. It will give you all the "remember when" in future conversations and will eventually build up to warm thoughts and feelings! (A comedy night or comedy dinner theater would be wonderful for that!)
You could all go to family counseling. You would be surprised what they can do in even a few sessions. Communication by everyone is the only way to fix this.
When I was growing up we had a family meeting every week. I don't ever remember not being able to talk to my parents about anything. I thank them forever for that.
I know you are being put in a really hard position here. I am impressed with your will to fix this problem for your wife. Good luck!
Hey, I have an idea ... You guys should go on a cruise together! That way, there's nothing to do but talk! I know my Mom and I bonded when we went to Alaska together. It might be a good idea!
My Wife and her parents (and her sisters) have spent alot of time together with recent Funerals. This togetherness has caused her to be even more isolated from her parents. They are in the same room but do not talk other than small talk. When my wife talks to them they appear uninterested in what she has to say. It was like that when she was growing up and it has scared her for life.
That just may be the way things are. Sometimes you have to accept a situation and keep moving.
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