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I recently started dating again, and one thing I've noticed is that a lot of what happens in dating, is a bunch of mind games. I don't know what it is - maybe its because I was in a relationship for a long time, or because I dated a lot when I was younger, but I don't have the patience for games. I feel like if a person can't be upfront and honest, then they are wasting my time. And personally, I don't want to waste anyone else's time either. If I don't like someone and I don't think we have very much in common - I tell them. I say, "I don't think this will work. We don't have very much in common." Why is that so hard?
I recently started dating again, and one thing I've noticed is that a lot of what happens in dating, is a bunch of mind games. I don't know what it is - maybe its because I was in a relationship for a long time, or because I dated a lot when I was younger, but I don't have the patience for games. I feel like if a person can't be upfront and honest, then they are wasting my time. And personally, I don't want to waste anyone else's time either. If I don't like someone and I don't think we have very much in common - I tell them. I say, "I don't think this will work. We don't have very much in common." Why is that so hard?
Does everyone who dates play games?
Of course not. You just need to be more patient. Lots of people out there that don't do games.
I feel like if a person can't be upfront and honest, then they are wasting my time.
For someone who supposedly has lots of experience, what makes you think that you can actually tell when people are being "up front and honest"?
It seems to me, that in any relationship, you cannot take this as a given. Many women seem to believe that it is very important to try to expose dishonesty and look for any little sign. Unfortunately, this often means they
wash out the honest, but unpolished guys, who stumble a bit. Meanwhile, they uncritically swallowing hook, line and sinker, what the players say. What they must realize is there is absolutely no advantage for the latter group to "be upfront and honest" and make your life uncomplicated.
I suppose that your biggest hope is that you have been out of circulation for so long that you will no longer attract the players. Many older women bemoan the lack of male interest but if they were realistic, they'd realize that this is what they would otherwise attract.
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Originally Posted by AllAboutEve
If I don't like someone and I don't think we have very much in common - I tell them. I say, "I don't think this will work. We don't have very much in common." Why is that so hard?
I'd hate to believe that people would not do this? I mean, if this is the actual situation, what's in it for them to continue? Are they masochistic ?
If anything, however, many do it too soon, before they even give themselves a chance to properly know the other person. That's the superficial nature of society today. This may be what you are encountering - a guy who is trying to tell you "you've got it wrong".
Sounds like you'll likely either need a lot of luck or a change of attitude.
Sounds like you'll likely either need a lot of luck or a change of attitude.
I tried my best to read your advice with an open mind. I know that to be completely 100% honest is impossible. Most people don't even know what they are feeling half the time, let alone trying to be open and honest with someone else about it. But not being polished, is different from misleading or deceiving.
I'll give you an example. Recently I went to a friend for advice. I was frustrated because I felt this guy I was seeing was playing games with me and not being upfront with his intentions. Part of my frustration was that I had tried my best to be upfront with him. My friend responded that my mistake was that I told him how I felt. I should never have told him how I felt. I should have concealed it, and strung him along. This same friend is dating a guy, and often lies and tells him about all these guys she meets when we go out to make him jealous.
So what happens if I meet a great guy that I really like? Do I string him along and wait till the absolute last moment to tell him how I feel? Do I date other men to make him jealous and then brag to him about it? What sense does that make?
And I may have been out of circulation, but I get plenty of guy attention. Guy attention is not the problem. Finding someone who doesn't play bs games is the problem! If I wanted to play games, I could. But I just don't see the point.
So what happens if I meet a great guy that I really like? Do I string him along and wait till the absolute last moment to tell him how I feel? Do I date other men to make him jealous and then brag to him about it? What sense does that make?
You can't be serious. This sounds like a question from a 16 year old. How old ARE you?
Its a simple question, either have some constructive advice or save the bitterness for your husband when he gets home. Don't harp on me "Mom", thanks.
No idea where the bitterness comment is from. YOU are the one that posted the question. You asked a teenage question. Are you a teenager? The advise I would give could be completely different based your age.
meeting someone and trying to build a life with them is not a game.
but dating for dating sake, highly recommended by many professionals as a personal development tool, i have never personally liked and in fact am not good at it.
too many people become experts at dating but not experts at committment and long term stability.
i have a young 2nd cousin who has mastered the art of charm and attraction and has pages of dating history, having the same shallow empty fling with each of them.
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YOU are the one that posted the question. You asked a teenage question. Are you a teenager? The advise I would give could be completely different based your age.
