Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
No tricks, no facade? With all due respect, are you sure this is not an excuse to dress sloppy/young?
Regardless, IMO, this is why you are having a problems getting noticed. It's just the way it is in 2009, if you want to attract the most positive attention you need to dress in European (e.g.,Bespoke suits) style clothes. lol, I'm not even European and even I know in order to be taken seriously I need to don European clothing.
If not, dressing for the "real me" will only attract a much smaller segment of the population, and at your age, there are certain styles that you can't get away with or some styles all together you will loose credibility with your peers. For example, I cringe when I see 40-50 year old guys with sloppy dress codes, young teen style hair cuts, or young teen apparel (e.g. Famous Straps & Stars).
I look at older pictures, and I seem to dress pretty much as I have for several decades. It has become my style it seems. I'm not much on fashion trends. but I have no interest in attracting anyone. and if I were, the last thing I would want, would be somebody who dug my wardrobe. Way to shallow for my tastes. At my ripe old age, I have seen trends come and go. I remain about the same. Kinda "Red neck, Hippie, gypsy, Pirate" ---just how I roll. Works for me.
It really is the truth... they did a study a while back where they put two women in a bar.. one very attractive and one average but very outgoing. The men were attracted to the outgoing more then the very attractive because she seemd so unapproachable.
I think this actually means that they were afraid to approach the very attractive woman because of her beauty - but were probably still attracted to her. So they then went to the "more likely" person.
Neither the same as being middle aged invisible.
I never was really much of a looker, but would from time catch a Ladies eye. But I have notice as I have gotten older, that I have pretty much become invisible. Ladies at the bar, just look through or around me. Not rude like, but like I don't exist. ---glad I had my kicks while I could. I have adjusted to it pretty much, but just a heads up for all you guys out there, that are saving life for latter. Better get it while you can. ---Oh, and one more thing. that ole saying about being only as old as you feel?--BS. We are as young, or old as people treat us.
OP, my heart goes out to you as I'm sure this has been painful for you, but you are not alone and I was going to start a thread on something similar that happened to me. I was a late bloomer, painfully shy and too skinny. When I got to college everything changed, my thinness became an asset and I grew out of my shyness. I dated ALOT as ppl found me to be very attractive, I worked out almost daily and weighed about 110lbs, I got a great deal of attention but I've NEVER been a snob because I realize looks really are ephemeral as we will all get older eventually. In my late 20s, I had a life-threatening car accident which left me bed ridden for a few months. During this time, due to lack of activity and all the meds, I put on 45lbs and it took about 2 yrs to get the weight off. Suddenly, after I became heavy, I became totally invisable. NOBODY would give me the time of day, sometimes I was even treated with scorn or contempt like all I did all day was sit around and stuff my face with doughnuts. I have never gotten over this. I was totally STUNNED at how superficial ppl really are, at least in South Florida where physical appearance is a big deal. So, I know exactly how you feel. It is terrible to suddenly be seen as less than solely because of how you look or because of your age. This experience has had a lasting impact for me as I have lost a lot of faith in ppl BUT at the same time, although I was never a snob, I now go out of my way to be xtra kind to everyone no matter how they may look. I'm sorry if I rambled on too much, I just wanted to comiserate and to let you know that someone can become "invisable" at any age irregardless of gender.
No tricks, no facade? With all due respect, are you sure this is not an excuse to dress sloppy/young?
Regardless, IMO, this is why you are having a problems getting noticed. It's just the way it is in 2009, if you want to attract the most positive attention you need to dress in European (e.g.,Bespoke suits) style clothes. lol, I'm not even European and even I know in order to be taken seriously I need to don European clothing.
If not, dressing for the "real me" will only attract a much smaller segment of the population, and at your age, there are certain styles that you can't get away with or some styles all together you will loose credibility with your peers. For example, I cringe when I see 40-50 year old guys with sloppy dress codes, young teen style hair cuts, or young teen apparel (e.g. Famous Straps & Stars).
Am I the only one that sees this type of behavior as just being fake and pretentious?. Or is this everyone's idea of the "norm" and how to "fake it till ya make it" ---No wonder so many folks are called possers. Geez, I need a beer.
I feel the same way sometimes. Like a group of friends get together, and I feel like girls will talk about the guys they like or are interested in right in front of me, like I'm not even there. That's the big hurt to me. Honestly, I've just had to find different avenues or strategies. Being the "mysterious" guy has helped a little. I show some personality at first, but the next couple times we are together I clam up and don't say as much, it has had women approaching me and starting conversations, makes them wonder more about me I guess. I also tried online dating. There's still a lot of people who are more focused on how good you look in your pictures than what you might look like in person, but when I do meet in person I've never had a girl turn me down for my looks. By then they're already interested in my personality.
The bar scene is a terrible place to meet women, and most women carry extremely high standards because they don't want to seem like a cheap hook up, but if they ARE going to hook up then they'll hold out for brad pitt. Where as men we'll lower their standards just to get it on that night.
Don't feel bad about it. As a man, time is ON YOUR SIDE. Your 30's will come around and a lot of these women realize time is ticking. You will become more attractive, and the women's looks will move in the opposite direction. Females will have a stronger sense of urgency when it comes to dating a good guy than holding out for a movie star to sweep them off their feet and pay for their shopping. Time is on your side man, just keep your cool, make friends with some of these females (but not too close of friends) and in time some of them just may come around.
I disagree that men get more attractive and women less as they age. My 20th hs reunion confirmed this.
The OP is right, at some point all of us will become less visible as we get older. No biggie, just something that happens (regardless of makeovers or attitude, etc.) - it's normal. It's a relief for some, depressing for others, and just an observation for the rest.
Here's the kicker---it seems like three weeks ago I was 35. and five years ago I was in high school. You know how years seem to be going by faster with each year?? Well after a while Decades do that. Nothin to worry about, but just an observation to share. I have great Friends, both Male and Female. some from as far back as junior High. Most of the folks I run with are in their mid to late thirties. because that is the average Skating Age for Adults. But I never hit on any of them, because I believe in dating within my age group. Now that My Sons are pretty much grown, I may consider dating again, but they would have to be Skaters. "Never Marry outside the Church" As my dear Friend Kat, us to say. Be well.
I think this actually means that they were afraid to approach the very attractive woman because of her beauty - but were probably still attracted to her. So they then went to the "more likely" person.
Neither the same as being middle aged invisible.
Attractive women tend to have a personality that says, "I know I'm hot. You should worship the ground I stand on, just because of that." Which immediately makes them--to me, anyhow--less attractive than someone who ISN'T full of herself.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
---Oh, and one more thing. that ole saying about being only as old as you feel?--BS. We are as young, or old as people treat us.
