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This is more of a confession in a sense. I don’t have any solid friends or family members to ask or express my feelings but I find that the CD “family” knows exactly what to say in any situation.
I’ve been doing some serious thinking or “soul-searching” this past week. I mean non-stop thinking about how my life has been these last 20 years.
Recently, I haven’t been too happy. I wouldn’t say I’m depressed, just not my usual self. For some reason, I’m not as positive as I used to be. You’ve seen my posts and how positive I’ve been regardless of any situation. Well, not so much now.
I think what it is is that all the negative stuff has finally outweighed the positive and I noticed that. I’ll list a few:
- I’m 5k in debt right now: Now I know that is not a lot as opposed to some folks who are nearly 40k or more in debt… But being financially strapped is just nervewrecking. Thinking am I going to be able to afford my bills this month, can I pay a bill full that I couldn’t last month, etc… I also have a tendency to spend money I really shouldn’t so I later regret it and just makes me feel even more like S4!t. I posted in another thread about how to kick the debt so hopefully those folks helped me out with that. I wish my family could help but everyone is tight on money because of the economy.
- School: I’ve failed 3 straight semesters… yes THREE! I feel bad. Every year I make a promise to finish out the year strong but yet I fail. I had the advantage of having free education in ’07 but due to that, I cannot get back on that until my grades improve so I’m forced to use financial aid. Now I failed under financial aid so now I owe them money and on probation and academic suspension. I really, really want to get my education. I’m sick of getting paid $8 an hour, working only 10 hours a week and barely making enough to eat. I do get disability but I don’t want to rely on that my whole seeing as it doesn’t pay much. I’m hoping to go back in the spring with full intentions of not dropping out or failing at all for the next 4 years. [/SIZE]
- Health: Well, there’s a positive to this. I’m alive 19 years longer than expected. I was not supposed to live past the age of 1. But this is the time of year when my immune system is practically gone and I get sick on a whim. I’m sick right now, only to get rid of the flu 2 days ago. I hate the feeling of being so damn tired 24/7 and looking like s**t constantly. It’s worse that I could end up in the hospital in less than a few hours with a severe infection. Crazy, I know.
- Love life: Well, of course I was going to bring it up lol. Yes, I’m still single. I’ve met some girls here and there but nothing have been much of an interest to me. I dunno. I know some of you know about the gal I mentioned constantly about a month ago. Well, there’s still something there. I’ve been trying to get rid of the feelings for her but I just can’t. Sure, I barely talk or see her but I still feel something there. Seeing that everyone has a SO, getting married, having kids whether they’re my age or in their 30s, it just makes me want that certain someone more and more. Sure love is a complicated thing but I’ve never had that certain someone and I’m hoping to find “the one”. The lonliness is killing me. My friends have their girls but not me.
Now, I’ve got a great family and some awesome friends but for some reason they just can’t help me at times especially right now. I have a fake smile around there all the time and I doubt they know what’s really behind.
I realize there are people who have it far worse than I do. I’m not looking for pity. I’m just looking to share my emotions with someone and I guess I felt like you guys were good enough people to listen. You may be asking “Why to people you don’t know?”. To answer that, I dunno. You guys are like a second family to me so I want to thank you for that. If you could please just give me some advice on how to regain that positive energy I used to have, I’d appreciate it. I’m sorry this was so long but I just had to say this.
Thank you so much J.
Well, I want to be able to look at the future but I'm just unsure of how it's going to pan out with the way everything is right now. I'm heading down one path on being a bum living on Social Security maybe a low-paying job, sick all the time, no family... etc.... Not the path I want to go down but that's how I'm envisioning it right now :/.
I'm looking at a path I had a dream about. College degree, high-paying job, nice house, and a family... Ah dreams were meant to never come true in most cases I guess.
Ah well, I'm looking towards the future but cautiously... if the makes any sense
Well, I want to be able to look at the future but I'm just unsure of how it's going to pan out with the way everything is right now. I'm heading down one path on being a bum living on Social Security maybe a low-paying job, sick all the time, no family... etc.... Not the path I want to go down but that's how I'm envisioning it right now :/.
I'm looking at a path I had a dream about. College degree, high-paying job, nice house, and a family... Ah dreams were meant to never come true in most cases I guess.
Ah well, I'm looking towards the future but cautiously... if the makes any sense
Take one day at a time. Don't worry about anything. Love and accept yourself, and the rest will come. Whatever it is that you will have in this life, you will eventually get. If you worry, you will just waste energy envisioning the worst. Don't have too high expectations from yourself and life. That's all.
JB,
You can't turn back the clock. What is done is done and in the past. You can only look forward to the next hours, days, months, years.
It sounds like you have a dream, a goal. The only way to reach that is to make sacrifices to obtain it.
You probably have more going for you than you realize. You need to concentrate on what it is you want and initiate small steps to point you in the direction you want to go even if it means changing some habits.
Pick the road you want to travel. There may be bumps, curves, or maybe even detours along the way that slow you down. But always go toward your destination.
Spunk, determination and the will to achieve and not fail is the motivator.
We all get depressed from time to time. I'm almost 63 years old and I'm not where I want to be in life although I can't complain too much about how it has gone even though I felt at times in my life there was no future.
After my 1st wife and I divorced many years ago I felt there was no future.
After I got in debt with no forseeable way of getting out of it, I felt there was no future.
But I eventually ended up with a woman that has made my life worth living for the last 30 years.
I still have bills but they are manageable. Just daily life stuff kind of bills.
The reason things got better is that I always look out the windshield, I don't concentrate on the rear view mirror.
I can't change what is behind me. But I can see what is ahead and how to best avoid or at least minimize the obstacles in front of me.
You will get where you want to go if you concentrate on following your dream above all else.
Don't ever let the bumps in life make you turn around and go backwards or just stand still.
Have confidence in yourself to achieve a better life. It might not happen tomorrow.
But it will eventually if you just keep trying.
You are young and have hopefully another 60 yrs or so of life.
Look toward the long term not just the next few days or months.
If you live to be 100 still look ahead. Each day is precious giving us a chance to live the next day.
Everyday I've lived since I was young and in the Army during the Vietnam conflict has been a bonus. I've had over 40 years of bonus years.
According to you you have gotten 19 bonus years. You may have many more.
It is up to you what you do with them.
Don't ever give up.
This is more of a confession in a sense. I don’t have any solid friends or family members to ask or express my feelings but I find that the CD “family” knows exactly what to say in any situation.
I think what it is is that all the negative stuff has finally outweighed the positive and I noticed that. I’ll list a few:
- Love life: Well, of course I was going to bring it up lol. Yes, I’m still single. I’ve met some girls here and there but nothing have been much of an interest to me. I dunno. I know some of you know about the gal I mentioned constantly about a month ago. Well, there’s still something there. I’ve been trying to get rid of the feelings for her but I just can’t. Sure, I barely talk or see her but I still feel something there. Seeing that everyone has a SO, getting married, having kids whether they’re my age or in their 30s, it just makes me want that certain someone more and more. Sure love is a complicated thing but I’ve never had that certain someone and I’m hoping to find “the one”. The lonliness is killing me. My friends have their girls but not me.
Now, I’ve got a great family and some awesome friends but for some reason they just can’t help me at times especially right now. I have a fake smile around there all the time and I doubt they know what’s really behind.
I realize there are people who have it far worse than I do. I’m not looking for pity. I’m just looking to share my emotions with someone and I guess I felt like you guys were good enough people to listen. You may be asking “Why to people you don’t know?”. To answer that, I dunno. You guys are like a second family to me so I want to thank you for that. If you could please just give me some advice on how to regain that positive energy I used to have, I’d appreciate it. I’m sorry this was so long but I just had to say this.
Thank you so much J.
WOW! Hello there,
I feel the sameway.. I see friends, and peers I went to high school with and they are all having kids, and getting married, and here I am single, and looking still which means once I find a girl, it's likely another 1-2yrs to get to know her, and then marriage/have kids so I'm not 50 with a 10 year old(no offense to anyone but I just dont want a 10yr old that old)
I can't wait to meet Ms.Right..
I'm with you on writing on here too.. It seems like these people here have been through some of samethings we go through, and my personal friends & family really haven't, or it's just kind of uncomfortable speaking with them because they don't even come close to the suggestions/comments/advice I get here..
You can only fix one problem at a time.
I suggest you list your goals for 2010 on a piece of paper. Maybe you can say "Will pass my next semester with all Cs" as one of them. Okay, it's not brilliant but you will pass...next one, shoot for Bs...
As far as debt, I hear you. I think so many people are suffering now (apart from the ones luck to not be unemployed or underemployed long term). If you owe 5 k, try to reduce your debt slowly. Try not to make new debt.
I think listing how you want to solve these problems may help you find solutions.
JB... I am not a strongly religious person but in times of need a strong faith is something good to have in your life. Have you visited a church lately?
I would highly recommend you do so. Many times your faith and Church friends can help you through difficult times.
You might give it a shot, you'd have nothing to lose.
Well, I want to be able to look at the future but I'm just unsure of how it's going to pan out with the way everything is right now. I'm heading down one path on being a bum living on Social Security maybe a low-paying job, sick all the time, no family... etc.... Not the path I want to go down but that's how I'm envisioning it right now :/.
I'm looking at a path I had a dream about. College degree, high-paying job, nice house, and a family... Ah dreams were meant to never come true in most cases I guess.
Ah well, I'm looking towards the future but cautiously... if the makes any sense
That's the funny thing about life - you can never be sure how it's going to pan out. All you can do is fly by the seat of your pants and hope you come out of it relatively unscathed at the end
But in all seriousness...I'm here to tell you that even when things look absolutely horrible in every facet of your life, you MUST look forward and continue on. Dwelling on it or always waiting for that proverbial other shoe to drop will do nothing but hold you back.
Set small, realistic goals for yourself. When you reach them it will give you the confidence to keep setting more goals and to continue moving forward. Don't discount your dreams! Only you are in control of your destiny
Good luck......
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