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It's good to be considerate of your partner, find out what they like and dislike. But some guys reach the point of indecision and always defer to their partner. That can get tiresome. Men find this indecisiveness unattractive as well. If my partner and I are in the mood to see a movie and she keeps saying "whatever you feel like seeing", that would get on my nerves after a while. I'd rather hear her say, "I'm open seeing A or B, but not C."
I hear you but women on here have said that they want their men to tell them what to eat and where to go..Sounds like women want daddy all over again..
I agree nobody should be indecisive all the time but maybe theyres days where a man has no idea what he wants to eat or what he wants to do and asks what she wants to do in womesn crazy mind that somehow makes him less of a man is hillarious..
Women want nice guys - but what they also want is what they often find "nice guys" not to have. And what is this? It varies. Sure, $$, status... but also...
ATTRACTION.
Different women are attracted to different types of men, but if a guy is too nice/innocent, he may also be quite dull and boring... and hence, lacking in charm or attractiveness.
One of my better friends - 37 y.o. - is the supreme nice guy. Very innocent-hearted, non-malicious, has limited experience with women. Really "sweet," listening, kind type of guy. He contacts me today to say that a woman he'd had a first date with recently let him know she only wanted to be friends and that he was "very nice and sweet."
But what I try to get him to understand is that he is a bit lacking - he's got limited exposure to what's out there. To explain... we both live in the NYC area and he rarely ever comes out to Manhattan. What better way to see culture, music, arts, entertainment, dining, than by being here? But no, he wants to stay in his area. Only very recently has he been venturing out.
I keep telling him women love being wined and dined - yes, watch out for freeloaders, but men IMO must know a number of good restaurants and a number of trendy/romantic/cool lounges/bars. He doesn't know that very well.
But in addition to this... the guy needs to work on his appearance. He's 6'2" but his shoulders are about as narrow as his flat butt. I tried to drag him to the gym, but he's lazy. And he's not the styliest dresser either. in fact, his last ex-gf and I had to meet once after they broke up because I had to give/receive items both had to return to each other. She only spoke well of him and even missed him... but she confessed to me there was limited attraction because?... he looked too plain, he wasn't masculine, and he lacked charm.
Oh yes, and she also said... he was just too damn nice.
I don't know if this makes things clear... but my friend is a perfect example of a woman telling him "I think you're nice, let's be friends" = "I could never see myself naked with you/you don't turn me on/you don't ATTRACT" me.
As for women wanting a nice man - sure they want a nice man; a mature, wise, strong, successful man who'll treat them well. Why would they want a hurtful jackass? That's what girlspeak means... my friend and some other men just never get it.
These are the only ones i have a little issue with
WIth #2 that sounds like hes beign nice and wants to know what you want to eat or do why is that such a sin?
Does a man have to make every decison even for you??Sounds like women would rather a guy tell them what theyre gonna eat and do all the time..Do u want a equal partner or a dictator?
I want a women who wants equal input on things not somebody who wants me to make every decision,im here to be a partner not your father and tell you what to do and where to go
Somehow women psycho analyzing everything have come up with Men not being Men if they ask you what u want to eat or where u want to go
#3-How would you know if no other women wants the guy? Do you go around asking other women?
With #2 It has nothing to do with making a decision for myself but how am I supposed to get to know you if you only want to do what I do? I know myself and I know what I like but if I’m asking you what you like I don’t want to hear “whatever you like”. My boyfriend likes Cajun food; I’d never eaten Cajun food until I started dating him. He likes action movies – had it not been for him I would have never seen Kill Bill, Death Race and a lot of other movies. He like arcades – I discovered I am the undisputed champ of air hockey. He took me skating and I bust my ass and vowed never to skate again; these were things that he brought to the table as his interests and I discovered I liked them too...do you see where I’m going with this?
With #3 – he complains to girls that no other girls like him…he’s telling them “for some reason women just don’t like me” “for some reason women aren’t attracted to me” I don’t have to ask anyone anything…he’s told you on the first date that women don’t want him.
I hear you but women on here have said that they want their men to tell them what to eat and where to go..Sounds like women want daddy all over again..
I agree nobody should be indecisive all the time but maybe theyres days where a man has no idea what he wants to eat or what he wants to do and asks what she wants to do in womesn crazy mind that somehow makes him less of a man is hillarious..
There's a big difference between decisiveness and being domineering. No one wants to be told what to do. Suppose I told my partner, "OK, we're going to that Italian place down the street. Go get dressed." Something tells me most women wouldn't take too kindly to being ordered around like that. Instead I would say, "Hey, there's a really cool Italian place I think you might like." That shows two things. First, it shows that I made the effort to think of something she might like. Second, it shows I'm still receptive to her input. She's free to reject my suggestion and offer another idea. Now contrast that with the guy who has no idea what to do. She suggests going to a wine tasting, but you don't like wine. The "nice" guy who's a total pushover would go. But the guy with a healthy amount of self-respect would politely tell his partner the wine tasting doesn't appeal to him and hopefully he'd have an alternative in mind.
I agree that a man should be allowed to be indecisive every once in a while. You come home from a long day at work and maybe you're too tired to think of something to do or someplace to go with your partner. But as long as this sort of thing doesn't happen all the time, I think most women would forgive you.
And BTW, this goes both ways. If my partner never has any ideas, if she's always doing what I want just to go along with my wishes, I would be turned off by that. Imagine the guy who's a huge sports fan. His GF has no interest in sports, but goes to the games with him because she's too "nice" to say, "sorry, I'm not really into baseball." I would have more respect for her if she said that. And I'm sure the guy would rather go with someone who actually wants to be there and isn't doing it just to be nice.
Last edited by DennyCrane; 12-08-2009 at 01:29 PM..
With #2 It has nothing to do with making a decision for myself but how am I supposed to get to know you if you only want to do what I do? I know myself and I know what I like but if I’m asking you what you like I don’t want to hear “whatever you likeâ€. My boyfriend likes Cajun food; I’d never eaten Cajun food until I started dating him. He likes action movies – had it not been for him I would have never seen Kill Bill, Death Race and a lot of other movies. He like arcades – I discovered I am the undisputed champ of air hockey. He took me skating and I bust my ass and vowed never to skate again; these were things that he brought to the table as his interests and I discovered I liked them too...do you see where I’m going with this?
Ok gotcha.. I guess i misinterpreted bnecasue of the post on here a few weeks ago where women admitted to wanting men to make every decison even for them because it meant he was being a man and leader
Oh yes, and she also said... he was just too damn nice.
I can see if hes a doormat but i dont think theyre should be anything as "too nice"
I cant imagine meeting a good women and saying i cant be with her because shes too nice,...In a world where its hard to actually meet nice people with no agendas too nice would never be a problem for me..
Now wait! If he likes Popeye's and she likes KFC, then SOMEONE is going to wind up unhappy. There's nothing wrong with SOMETIMES catering to what she likes--even if you have a differing opinion or taste. But then she should also cater to what you like sometimes as well.
It's about compromise.
Seriously, your idea of the "nice guy" is the dad who goes to four different takeout places to please ALL his family members.
Why is it that the nice guys are always the second or third option for women? You would think that a person with most of the qualities that women preach about would be the first choice, it never happens like that. Can a woman explain this to me?
Women deep down want to be "lead" by his man, or at least give her the option to follow his lead.
Nice Guy (NG) looks weak, insecure, undecided.
A Nice Guy will try to be considerate and ask her where she want to eat out.
A Man will tell her what he wants and invite her to join him: I want to eat steak at this place, want to join me for dinner?
A Nice Guy will have covert contract, doing nice things for her hoping she reciprocates the gesture. The NG buys her flowers, treats her to dinner, go for a walk without saying anything yet he hopes they kiss or more.
A Man would say what he likes about her and act: You look sexy tonight and moves closer looking in her eyes and kiss her--it's up to her to say no at that point, but if she wants to let it happen, she will.
A NG would not risk things for fear of rejection.
A Man would risk it, not see it as rejection but instead, her loss opportunity of a great time.
Interesting theory, but it falls apart pretty quickly. The bad boy might be stronger and more aggressive, but he's also less reliable. For the human species to have made it this far, women would've had to have selected males who could not only be good providers and produce strong, healthy progeny, but also stick around long enough to help raise those kids, at least long enough for those kids to have kids of their own.
Hi DennyCrane,
That is why women are genetically predisposed to seek both. The ideal situation for a women is to marry a provider and throw him a bone a few times a month. She may even find him a bit more attractive during infertile stages. She will also be less interested and suppress he reproductive desires. However when she is fertile she she is more attracted to an aggressive man and the provider will unwittingly raise the sexy man's offspring. That is the bare bones drive of a women. Women are designed to offer sex to two kinds given the unusual sex at anytime capability of humans. Sex is a reward for the provider but its natures trick on him. The real reproductive sex is for the sexy man.
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If women were all genetically programmed to go for the bad boys, then the human species probably wouldn't have lasted this long since we would've been reduced to a bunch of single moms and deadbeat dads. However much of women's preferences are genetically encoded and how much is environmental is up for debate. But if there is a strong genetic component, I'd expect it to favor men who fall between either of the two extremes. Not the bad boy who's an unreliable jerk, but not the weak nice guy who lacks confidence either. Instead, the guy in the middle who's strong and confident, but still nice and reliable is the one who's favored. And oddly enough, this is the guy most women say they want.
Why is nature creating these jerks? It proves the point. They exist because women want them to exist. They pick the father.
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I agree. There's no shortage of women who are drawn to the bad boys. But it's overstated, probably by nice guys who'd rather blame women than look at their own shortcomings. What's also true is that many of the women who are drawn to bad boys have psychological issues of their own. So the natural selective pressures work out for the best. The women with "issues" don't end up with the good men. And the "nice" spineless guys end up alone.
The solution is to offer some of both in the same package. Its not ideal but he will not be so much of a jerk that she can't live with him and he will be sexy enough to keep her interested.
The above of course ignores religious and cultural influences. We speak of this now because those are eroding.
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