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Out of the three only the second one is something to worry about. Was it an old dried up nest, a nest with live birds in it, or a nest with unhatched eggs?
a nest with live baby birds. But as I was talking to my fiancee, after 20-30 seconds of silence, she denied everything saying it's not true, that her aunt is a demented woman that gets into the habit of making up stories.
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Originally Posted by trishguard
Is it unusual that you haven't called her at all today? Has she called you?
Before we had a talk yes she did called 2 times. I usually call her every day but I was only shocked before. Though now I'm left with two stories. I think I'll just leave it at that and trust her.
I would want some suggestion on this before I decide to marry her somewhere between May-July of next year. This is my first time ever getting engaged to a woman. In all my relationships, they wouldn't go beyond exclusive dating but with her it's something I never felt ever before.
The problem started just 3 days ago on a family reunion, when her political aunt starting telling me about these things she's done at the tender age of 10. According to the aunt, my fiancee was getting punished at home for picking up a fight again in school. Not just that but she threatened the kid to slit his throat if he doesn't shut up. Several days later the aunt caught her trying to set a pigeon's nest on fire. The final incident was her trying to push her aunt downstairs.
This is was the reason she had cut contact with the family for years wanting nothing to do with her, until March 2009.
I never had trouble with woman's past. I have been involved with women who had more sexual partners than me, two who cheated on an ex once, has kids and one who came out of an abusive relationship.
However, this past I just heard from the aunt is giving me trouble. I never done any of those things as a kid. This is the reason why I haven't call her all day today. One part of me wants me to think that she was only a kid then, learned from it and is a better person now. Another part is telling me to go search more about her or cancel the engagement. I think it would have been better if I had not known this. Why did the aunt had to go through this with me?
My god, dude, she was ten. Many ten year olds have issues, assuming the stories haven't been embellished, or even true for that matter.
Stop being a queen, dude. You break off an engagement because she banged the stripper at her bachelorette party, or has a hundred thousand dollars of debt she never told you about, not because she abused a baby bird when she was 10.
I would want some suggestion on this before I decide to marry her somewhere between May-July of next year. ...... Another part is telling me to go search more about her or cancel the engagement. I think it would have been better if I had not known this. Why did the aunt had to go through this with me?
When I was young, I would strap lizards to bottle rockets.
They'd be all cute and everything, squirming away, trying to wiggle out of that little white thread that I so tightly tied around their abdomen. Just before I lit the fuse, I'd notice their mouths hanging open, as if in the middle of a prolonged silent scream. And then...sssst, fizzzz, pow! Sometimes the lizard would fall off, or the rocket wouldn't go, but most of the time, they endured their transport into the sky in stoic silence.
That was just one of the many, many mischievous things that kept me amused. The sad thing though is that that was one of the more tame things that I would do. I remember blowing up a Walmart trash can - I won't say how, but the explosion was rather large and loud. Smoke bombs in school, porn on the teachers computers..
...and yet, to look at me now, you'd never even think that I did any of those things. You may think that I could have been voted class clown, or voted most likely to succeed, but that's what happens after one grows up a little.
Thing is, at 10 years old, kids simply just don't think - they do. They may know something's wrong, and know that they will get in trouble for it, but hell, they're going to do it anyway.
Now here's what I want you to do. I want you to go over everything that you know about your soon to be wife. You know her now better than anyone. Is this the type of person that she is? Can you actually see her trying to push another grown adult down a flight of stairs?
Look, you said that she cut contact with her family for years. Why? You need to take time to talk to her about this.. And, at the same time, you need to look at who she's become since then. Her family doesn't know her, not nearly as well as you do.
Simply put, there's two things that you need to realize. First, that the past is the past, and it should be left where it belongs. Second, you've been closer to this girl than anyone else, and you should know who she truely is. Think about these things.
I would want some suggestion on this before I decide to marry her somewhere between May-July of next year. This is my first time ever getting engaged to a woman. In all my relationships, they wouldn't go beyond exclusive dating but with her it's something I never felt ever before.
The problem started just 3 days ago on a family reunion, when her political aunt starting telling me about these things she's done at the tender age of 10. According to the aunt, my fiancee was getting punished at home for picking up a fight again in school. Not just that but she threatened the kid to slit his throat if he doesn't shut up. Several days later the aunt caught her trying to set a pigeon's nest on fire. The final incident was her trying to push her aunt downstairs.
This is was the reason she had cut contact with the family for years wanting nothing to do with her, until March 2009.
I never had trouble with woman's past. I have been involved with women who had more sexual partners than me, two who cheated on an ex once, has kids and one who came out of an abusive relationship.
However, this past I just heard from the aunt is giving me trouble. I never done any of those things as a kid. This is the reason why I haven't call her all day today. One part of me wants me to think that she was only a kid then, learned from it and is a better person now. Another part is telling me to go search more about her or cancel the engagement. I think it would have been better if I had not known this. Why did the aunt had to go through this with me?
Things such as your situation are the reason why you should really take time before proposing to your significant other. I "propose" that you prolong the engagement, and when your future wife asks why longer engagement, tell her that you and SHE need to get to know each other better before taking the big step of marriage.
I suggest you move in together and pay really good attention to how she really behaves at home. You see, when you decide to marry someone, it's not about the good times that determine the engagement. It is actually the BAD times that will determine whether or not you two would last. How will she act in response to stress? --> Does she turn into the "silent treatment", does she turn into complete rage, or does she deal w/ stress rationally?
When she's angry w/ you, and I mean REALLY angry w/ you, what does she do? Does she hurt others? etc.
Yes, unfortunately her relatives could be demented. Whatever her aunt said may or may not be true, but what you've heard from her aunt is truly an indication of 2 things:
1. Either what her aunt said is the truth (but of course, take into consideration that your fiancee was just 10 yrs old!!), OR the aunt could very well be demented and make things up in her own demented mind (trust me, this story is not the first I've heard in regards to insane relatives); AND
2. Now you really start to understand what kind of family you're marrying into -- a dys"funk"tional family, for sure. If you don't know how to deal w/ this, you'll never be able to deal with it.
When I was 10 years old, I tried to poison my brother. He survived because I used Tabasco sauce (it hurt my tongue so I assumed it was poisonous).
My parents got me into counseling and I learned how to control my temper and express anger in a healthy way.
My BF knows about this (and he's a good friend of my brother) and he finds it funny because he knows that I would never do anything like that now.
Kids do all sorts of horrible things because they don't understand the consequences. The question is: how do they learn from it?
Of course, my great grandmother told everyone she'd been attacked by Germans in WWII, despite the fact that she'd never left San Francisco. Take it with a grain of salt.
I would want some suggestion on this before I decide to marry her somewhere between May-July of next year. This is my first time ever getting engaged to a woman. In all my relationships, they wouldn't go beyond exclusive dating but with her it's something I never felt ever before.
The problem started just 3 days ago on a family reunion, when her political aunt starting telling me about these things she's done at the tender age of 10. According to the aunt, my fiancee was getting punished at home for picking up a fight again in school. Not just that but she threatened the kid to slit his throat if he doesn't shut up. Several days later the aunt caught her trying to set a pigeon's nest on fire. The final incident was her trying to push her aunt downstairs.
This is was the reason she had cut contact with the family for years wanting nothing to do with her, until March 2009.
I never had trouble with woman's past. I have been involved with women who had more sexual partners than me, two who cheated on an ex once, has kids and one who came out of an abusive relationship.
However, this past I just heard from the aunt is giving me trouble. I never done any of those things as a kid. This is the reason why I haven't call her all day today. One part of me wants me to think that she was only a kid then, learned from it and is a better person now. Another part is telling me to go search more about her or cancel the engagement. I think it would have been better if I had not known this. Why did the aunt had to go through this with me?
How long have you been with this woman and have you noticed any signs of violent behavior before?
When a child is 10 years old, she can be harboring a lot of anger and unresolved issues inside. What does your fiancee tell you about her childhood in general? Did she have kind parents? Did she suffer any kind of emotional or physical abuse? All these factors could have played a part in this violent behavior. Did she live with her aunt?
How do we know how she was treated as a child and why her aunt had a need to sabotage her niece like that is beyond me. Did they actually cut ties with her when she was 10?
Too many unanswered questions. Before you jump to conclusions, just talk to your fiancee about her childhood and the reasons why she behaved so violently.
How long have you been with this woman and have you noticed any signs of violent behavior before?
In post #45 he said, "she's quiet by nature and never seen act out in anger. Before the aunt told me the story, I thought she's the perfect one who never shows anger nor gets easily frustrated at all."
In post #45 he said, "she's quiet by nature and never seen act out in anger. Before the aunt told me the story, I thought she's the perfect one who never shows anger nor gets easily frustrated at all."
oops, sorry, didn't get a chance to read that. Thanks LM!
I think that some children are just mischieveous and angry, but it's not an indicator that she is this way as adult. Maybe she got it all out of her system as a child.
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