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Why is almost everyone attributing this to him not being into her? Maybe he was overly excited and finished himself of beforehand. Maybe he was nervous. Maybe it's just going to take time for him to get used to you again. After 4-5 years, it's probably like being with a completely new person. And my experiences with most women for the first time is always a little clumsy.
It's not necessarily that he's not into you. While it certainly is possible, that doesn't mean it's definetely the case.
from the jist of the end of her post it sounds like she hasnt heard much back from him since
Seems the only issue with weight is your being self conscious.
I suspect he created too high of expectations in his mind no one could live up to it. I suspect as he has gotten older his pleasures have evolved some. so that part is rediscovery to find out what now works.
I don't think he intended to use you but the net result may be the same. If he calls you back or doesnt blow you off when you call then you are making too much out of it. If he really is blowing you off it could be from a variety of reasons, including his own embarrassment from not being all there....
See which way the wind blows and don't think about it much.
Got together with an ex-boyfriend who I haven't seen in 4-5 years, but we've talked almost every day. Problem is the last time I saw him I was 50 lbs lighter, with an hourglass figure. Mind you, he's been wanting to get together with me for a long time but I was afraid if he saw me fat he wouldn't want me anymore. He kept telling me how excited he was in finally seeing me but I was very apprehensive and self-conscious about my weight gain. He reassured me that my weight didn't matter, he still loved me and wanted to see me, missed me, etc. Fast-forward to two days ago when we finally agreed to meet after all this time. I still found him very attractive, and he seemed to be pleased and happy to see me and we ended up in bed together. Without giving away too many details, while I was doing something to him that used to drive him wild, his anatomy didn't respond the way it used to (if you get my drift.) He told me it (his anatomy) wasn't cooperating so we cuddled and kissed for a long time. He said, please don't think you don't turn me on because you do, I don't care about your weight, it's not you, it's me. So after we parted ways, I've only heard from him once and he said, it was wonderful seeing you again, you made me feel so good, next time will be better.
My question is, do you think my weight turned him off and that's why he couldn't perform? Or is he just being polite and saying he doesn't care about my weight? Is this guy code for blowing me off since I'm fat now??
Hi FreeNWild,
It already matters to you. Even if the reality were not relevant, it saps your confidence. I can tell you 50lbs will matter and you will have to bring you standards in line with the reality but most of the damage is done when you look in the mirror. If you can look in the mirror and say I can sell this, you will. Again the reality is that you will need to adjust you standard to your basic lifestyle choice but you will need to accept yourself to operate in any "league" you happen to be in.
Meet with him two days ago, but he has contacted me every day since.
He's in his early 50's so maybe it's just one of those things that happens to guys his age once in awhile. Maybe I'm just reading too much into the whole male performance expectation thing? It doesn't bother me that he had a hard time performing, but it makes me wonder if I still turn him on.
He tells me he's always wanted to see what I'd look like heavier and he says he doesn't like skinny women. Well I'm far from skinny! Going from having an hourglass figure to fatty, I don't know if he's just being polite about my shape after all this time!!
Got together with an ex-boyfriend who I haven't seen in 4-5 years, but we've talked almost every day. Problem is the last time I saw him I was 50 lbs lighter, with an hourglass figure. Mind you, he's been wanting to get together with me for a long time but I was afraid if he saw me fat he wouldn't want me anymore. He kept telling me how excited he was in finally seeing me but I was very apprehensive and self-conscious about my weight gain. He reassured me that my weight didn't matter, he still loved me and wanted to see me, missed me, etc. Fast-forward to two days ago when we finally agreed to meet after all this time. I still found him very attractive, and he seemed to be pleased and happy to see me and we ended up in bed together. Without giving away too many details, while I was doing something to him that used to drive him wild, his anatomy didn't respond the way it used to (if you get my drift.) He told me it (his anatomy) wasn't cooperating so we cuddled and kissed for a long time. He said, please don't think you don't turn me on because you do, I don't care about your weight, it's not you, it's me. So after we parted ways, I've only heard from him once and he said, it was wonderful seeing you again, you made me feel so good, next time will be better.
My question is, do you think my weight turned him off and that's why he couldn't perform? Or is he just being polite and saying he doesn't care about my weight? Is this guy code for blowing me off since I'm fat now??
He doesn't dig you. If he did he'd be trying to nail you at every opportunity. He is just trying to be polite.
To me, it sounds like he's a little lonely and wanted some comfort/attention. He's probably not attracted to you but missed the attention of a lady. It explains why he wanted to see you before seeing the new you. It explains why he went to bed with you. It explains why part of his body wasn't as happy. It also explains why he was so insistent that it wasn't your added weight that kept him limp.
I know people say that stress can cause impotence... but till I experience that first hand, I don't believe it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ep-
from the jist of the end of her post it sounds like she hasnt heard much back from him since
when did all this go down exactly?
I can think of 3 ways how this could be interpreted. The first being his anatomy. The second being the original poster. The third (and definitely last), your intended meaning - what happened.
Meet with him two days ago, but he has contacted me every day since.
He's in his early 50's so maybe it's just one of those things that happens to guys his age once in awhile. Maybe I'm just reading too much into the whole male performance expectation thing? It doesn't bother me that he had a hard time performing, but it makes me wonder if I still turn him on.
He tells me he's always wanted to see what I'd look like heavier and he says he doesn't like skinny women. Well I'm far from skinny! Going from having an hourglass figure to fatty, I don't know if he's just being polite about my shape after all this time!!
You are setting yourself up to fail if you filter everything he does and says through your perceived weight problem. At least have some fun on several dates and see how the relationship evolves. In the interim, begin working on your weight because, whether he's in the picture or not, it bothers you and is hurting your self-esteem. Good luck!
PS Quit calling yourself "fatty" or we are going to have to change your name from "FreeNWild" to "TimidNSelf-DEPRECATING".
Oh wait, women get their panties in a bunch when you discuss their parts becoming aroused. It will be a glorious day when that discussion goes both ways.
LOL my parts were in overdrive the minute I saw him. He's incredibly sexy and handsome and gorgeous, and he gives me butterflies in my stomach and everywhere else if you get my drift. I can hardly breathe and my heart pounds when I'm in the same room with him. It was love at first sight and the chemistry we had for each other was so passionate years ago we damn near burned each other out. I still feel that way about him. And I knew I still turned him on too from the way he was with me that night. So everything was working fine for me in that area.
I've heard that the most attractive thing a man finds about a woman is one who thinks he's sexually desirable. Is that true or just a pile of crock??
I think I'm being way too insecure about being at my weight, but I can't help but think of the way my body used to look and feel to him. I hate having a hangup about my weight, but it's taking me a long time to get it off!!
Oh wait, women get their panties in a bunch when you discuss their parts becoming aroused. It will be a glorious day when that discussion goes both ways.
not all of them sheesh
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