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Dating to me is like some big complex maze that only a few people seem to understand, but they won't tell the rest of us. I thought by now I would at least be able to understand what it is I want, but the more I think about it, the more confused I get. So I have decided to stop thinking about it before I give myself an anorism.
Is anyone else as confused as me? Is it really as simple as meeting the "right person"? And I still don't get how you know a person is the right person, versus being the wrong person. Is there some sign that comes stamped on people's foreheads that reads "wrong person", "right person" that I am missing?
So I guess if anyone can help me out its the people who have met the "right person" or "the one". How did you know he/she/it was the one? Did you know immediately? Did it take some time? What was the feeling like - or was it just that everything made sense suddenly and fell into place?
Dating to me is like some big complex maze that only a few people seem to understand, but they won't tell the rest of us. I thought by now I would at least be able to understand what it is I want, but the more I think about it, the more confused I get. So I have decided to stop thinking about it before I give myself an anorism.
Is anyone else as confused as me? Is it really as simple as meeting the "right person"? And I still don't get how you know a person is the right person, versus being the wrong person. Is there some sign that comes stamped on people's foreheads that reads "wrong person", "right person" that I am missing?
So I guess if anyone can help me out its the people who have met the "right person" or "the one". How did you know he/she/it was the one? Did you know immediately? Did it take some time? What was the feeling like - or was it just that everything made sense suddenly and fell into place?
You remind me of myself in junior high school - so worried, nervous and worked up over what my first kiss would be like
The truth is, when it finally happened it was with someone who was crushing on me as badly as I was crushing on him and it was all just fine in the end - all that worrying for nothing!
Yes, it is as simple as meeting the right person. And when you do you'll know it, sooner or later
Some people don't know it right away, they just suspect it, and some are taken completely by surprise after spending a certain amount of time with a person - one day they just "see" something that makes it all click together. Other people know right away they've met the one. So you see, "it" can happen a number of different ways and the truth is, nobody knows exactly how it will happen for YOU.
Your job right now as a single person interested in having a significant other is to spend time getting to know yourself and becoming the best you that you can be. THAT is what will attract many different people to you, and the more people attracted to you the better chance you'll have that one of them will be "the one".
Date for fun, date for friendship, date to learn what your personal boundries are and what you will or will not be able to live with in life - all THAT will help you "to know" when the right one is standing right in front of you. Well, that and the extreme butterflies you'll get when the right one smiles at you for the first time
...Yes, it is as simple as meeting the right person. And when you do you'll know it, sooner or later...
No, it is NOT just as simple as meeting the right person.
It first begins with knowing yourself -- your strengths and weaknesses, your goals, tastes, desires, and values.
The person who will be right for you will probably share many -- but certainly not all -- of these characteristics. The right person is the likely the one with whom you share agreement on the most important things to both of you. But making an HONEST assessment of that person -- their strengths and weaknesses -- without deluding yourself based upon lust and other extenuating factors, is extremely difficult for many people. Of course, being truly honest with yourself about who you are (warts and all) can be very tough too. I think, in general, this becomes a little easier as we become a little older and more mature, when we come to know ourselves better and are better able to "read" others as a result of experience.
"Meeting the right person" sounds simple, and I suppose for some people it is. But for lots and lots of others, it is one of the most challenging things in life. It's ultimately about knowing yourself and being able to truly know someone else. And plenty of folks never get it right.
Dating to me is like some big complex maze that only a few people seem to understand, but they won't tell the rest of us. I thought by now I would at least be able to understand what it is I want, but the more I think about it, the more confused I get. So I have decided to stop thinking about it before I give myself an anorism.
Is anyone else as confused as me? Is it really as simple as meeting the "right person"? And I still don't get how you know a person is the right person, versus being the wrong person. Is there some sign that comes stamped on people's foreheads that reads "wrong person", "right person" that I am missing?
So I guess if anyone can help me out its the people who have met the "right person" or "the one". How did you know he/she/it was the one? Did you know immediately? Did it take some time? What was the feeling like - or was it just that everything made sense suddenly and fell into place?
Hi AllAboutEve,
I think I understand it but some people don't like to hear it. One thing I can tell you is love is much less a feeling than it is an action and a decision you make.
Consider that you find a lost child on the street who has an injury. Say you bandage that injury and take them to the doctor. Your actions of affection cause feelings of affection. All you did was help the child yet you like the child more than the rest. One does not feel love for long without the above.
Your job right now as a single person interested in having a significant other is to spend time getting to know yourself and becoming the best you that you can be.
I agree with this. After dating the last person, I realize that I have a lot of things I need to work on in order to be happy single and to be fulfilled in the future in a relationship. I don't know necessarily just how to accomplish this. Some of my negatice traits are so entrenched I know it will take some change. But I am willing to do it.
Quote:
It's ultimately about knowing yourself and being able to truly know someone else.
I agree. I think for some people you can know them in a month, but with others it may take many years, and you may never really truly know them. I think its also about having some type of understanding. I think when its the right person, I will understand him as a person and he will understand me, without judgement.
Quote:
Your actions of affection cause feelings of affection. All you did was help the child yet you like the child more than the rest. One does not feel love for long without the above.
This is some very interesting advice. It really touches on some things that have happened in my life recently - can you explain it a bit more? Are you saying that that is the key to finding love - being open to reaching out to someone and having those feelings of affection and empathy?
This is some very interesting advice. It really touches on some things that have happened in my life recently - can you explain it a bit more? Are you saying that that is the key to finding love - being open to reaching out to someone and having those feelings of affection and empathy?
Hi AllAboutEve,
It would take some time to go over a complete deconstruction though I will try some. One thing to do is ask why do people adopt? Does it work? Why does it work? Does not someone who wishes to adopt decide to love even before they see the object of their love?
People tend to hold dear their creations and investments. Watering a plant that dies is more traumatic than one you never watered. I think the assumption is that first we love, then we water but its not entirely true. We come to love what we water.
This certainly has lots of benefits including positive feedback loops and positive justification. Its related to the process of acting hateful. If one acts hateful to a person who is not deserving of hate, that may cause guilt. To evade guilt then one must justify their hateful act. So even just acting hateful will cause you to hate that person. Look for it.You will see it. Not only will a negative feedback loop be created as they return hatred, but in order to relieve yourself of guilt you must degrade them in your mind as being deserving of hate. Otherwise you are a hateful person.
When I decided to marry. I decided my role in this was to make someone else happy. At no point would I allow myself to be taken advantage of and self preservation is paramount, but so long as I am preserved, always build up and never tear down. Once you do that, then you can find a worthy object of your love. I rather enjoy making a project out of my wife. The more I act like I love her, the more I do.
Also, as I often point out, there are those superficial things which simply are and those that bubble up from the depths. There is nothing superficial about, choosing not to apply a coat of paint.
No, it is NOT just as simple as meeting the right person.
It first begins with knowing yourself -- your strengths and weaknesses, your goals, tastes, desires, and values.
The person who will be right for you will probably share many -- but certainly not all -- of these characteristics. The right person is the likely the one with whom you share agreement on the most important things to both of you. But making an HONEST assessment of that person -- their strengths and weaknesses -- without deluding yourself based upon lust and other extenuating factors, is extremely difficult for many people. Of course, being truly honest with yourself about who you are (warts and all) can be very tough too. I think, in general, this becomes a little easier as we become a little older and more mature, when we come to know ourselves better and are better able to "read" others as a result of experience.
"Meeting the right person" sounds simple, and I suppose for some people it is. But for lots and lots of others, it is one of the most challenging things in life. It's ultimately about knowing yourself and being able to truly know someone else. And plenty of folks never get it right.
This right here is the best post.
And be sure to get out there and date. Learning what you don't want can be as important as learning what you do what.
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