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I had this on another forum site, and was reluctant to share this, because its personal to me, but here it is anyway...
About 10 weeks ago, I met a woman on a cam-chat website. She lives in Thailand, I live in the U.S. We hit it off really well and started chatting via cam regularly, often for hours. After a couple of weeks, we both started to really feel a connection. We are both in our 30's, both have careers, and both of us are fairly attached to our home countries because of family and careers.
After a few weeks, I started to realize this innocent online relationship was starting to get too serious. She started seeing me more as a potential boyfriend and husband, rather than someone to chat with. Problem is, by this point, I knew it was going to be hard to end this. I knew she would be hurt, and I would be hurt. So I kept talking to her, instead of dealing with it head on. And if she brought up the subject of us maybe meeting one day, I told her "maybe we will, you never know".
So last night, she brought up how difficult she thought it would be for us to ever be married. But said she would 'wait for me' if I tried harder to meet her. At this point I knew I needed to stop this. I didn't want her to waste time 'waiting' for me, hoping that someday it would work out. So I told her not to wait. And she started crying. She was understanding, but she took it really hard. I have to say I did too, it was tough.
I had been through a real life breakup, after a real relationship of three years, but never an online cam-chat breakup. I'm writing this thread because it took me off guard...how close I got to her and she to me. And how much it hurt. Not as much as the real life break up. But...it still really hurts. I feel horrible.
I guess I'm writing this to relate to others, but also to warn others to be careful. When you are on a cam, and you see a person, and talk with them for hours, you really can develop feelings. Remember they are a real person, and you might be suprised how the both of you can feel.
I still feel really bad, but I think I learned to be more careful.
I feel bad on one hand in my part of causing pain in her life right now, but also I feel bad that she's gone from my life, because I really liked her. It was just an impossible situation for us to be together.
EDIT: She told me tonight that she can't bear to chat with me ever again or see my status online. I really fee like crap now.
I've heard of this happening a lot, but to be honest I think its rather sad. Get out of the house, take up a non-internet related hobby, hang out in a bookstore, a sports bar, learn to weave baskets, do some yard work, something other than spending hours a day chatting with an e-girlfriend. Pining away for someone you have never met is really ridiculous when you think about it. (Unless you are under house arrest or something.)
Of course it can happen. Shoot, people develop feelings for others via pen-pal correspondence. I don't see why it's a surprise that you can get attached. But it shouldn't be a surprise that it can end...immediately. Nothing new there. Just use some common sense next time...don't let it go into talking about anything more than what it is...that's where people run off the tracks.
I can understand how it could happen, but I don't understand why. I mean, why would you waste so much time chatting with a woman, "seeing" her, etc, if you never had any interest beyond just talking? More importantly, why are you wasting HER time? You led her on, thinking that there was interest there, when there wasn't. Lesson learned, I guess.
Of course it can happen. Shoot, people develop feelings for others via pen-pal correspondence. I don't see why it's a surprise that you can get attached. But it shouldn't be a surprise that it can end...immediately. Nothing new there. Just use some common sense next time...don't let it go into talking about anything more than what it is...that's where people run off the tracks.
Yep....maybe next time you will know better and have learned something by this! Good luck!!
I can understand how it could happen, but I don't understand why. I mean, why would you waste so much time chatting with a woman, "seeing" her, etc, if you never had any interest beyond just talking? More importantly, why are you wasting HER time? You led her on, thinking that there was interest there, when there wasn't. Lesson learned, I guess.
Now get off the computer!
I never said I wasn't interested, in fact, we both developed genuine feelings for each other. I just didn't look that far ahead, neither did she, we got caught up in it, and enjoyed having someone to feel close to. It wasn't until we both started really talking more about it, we realized there was no point in continuing. I didn't lead her on as you say. My big mistake was not being more assertive about putting an abrupt end to it a few weeks ago. I tried just not coming online as much, and shortening our conversations, in hopes she would lose interest, but it didn't work. That's why last night I told her to move on.
It's not unusual at all. It happens all the time, even just sharing posts or emails back and forth in a seemingly platonic e-friendship has the potential to evolve into something much bigger. In many cases you get closer online, because you tend to open up more and drop your guard once you feel comfortable with that person. You share intimate details of your life with one another and it's only natural that you will want more than just words and/or photos and videos. Craving someone from a distance can be both fun and torture. At some point you reach a moment when you realize you've developed feelings for someone who is a thousand miles away or more, and reality starts to set in. Then you must answer some serious questions whether or not you can follow through and make it work. Often times the distance is too difficult to overcome, especially if they live in another country. That can be just as crushing as a real life relationship and just as frustrating.
I've heard of this happening a lot, but to be honest I think its rather sad. Get out of the house, take up a non-internet related hobby, hang out in a bookstore, a sports bar, learn to weave baskets, do some yard work, something other than spending hours a day chatting with an e-girlfriend. Pining away for someone you have never met is really ridiculous when you think about it. (Unless you are under house arrest or something.)
That's one way of looking at it. But in all fairness, there are a lot of people out there who would disagree with you. It's really just another method of finding someone, and it's quite common in other countries.
It's not unusual at all. It happens all the time, even just sharing posts or emails back and forth in a seemingly platonic e-friendship has the potential to evolve into something much bigger. In many cases you get closer online, because you tend to open up more and drop your guard once you feel comfortable with that person. You share intimate details of your life with one another and it's only natural that you will want more than just words and/or photos and videos. Craving someone from a distance can be both fun and torture. At some point you reach a moment when you realize you've developed feelings for someone who is a thousand miles away or more, and reality starts to set in. Then you must answer some serious questions whether or not you can follow through and make it work. Often times the distance is too difficult to overcome, especially if they live in another country. That can be just as crushing as a real life relationship and just as frustrating.
Thank you. And ultimately that was the problem. She didn't want to move to the states and leave her business. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life in Thailand. She said she was ok with marrying a guy who she could see every 3 months, and communicate by phone/net the rest of the time. But I want more than that....and so...it just wasn't meant to be.
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I don't see why it's a surprise that you can get attached. But it shouldn't be a surprise that it can end...immediately. Nothing new there. Just use some common sense next time...don't let it go into talking about anything more than what it is...that's where people run off the tracks.
