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My wife knew about and accepted my past with guys (I was sexual with boys from an early age till age 17), I was sexual exclusively with females from age 17.5 till I met my future wife at 24. We had a varied sex life before marriage and while being sexual we discussed 3somes and us being with guys together and what we would do sexually with them in detail, this occured on multiple occasions (while we were being sexual-she now says this was just fantasy for my benefit). My wife became sick on our honeymoon and has been sick with various issues throughout our marriage. For awhile I had no sex drive (for anyone) (possibly due to low testosterone), there was a period a few years in to our marriage where we were sexual a number of times, not sure what stopped that (illness, lack of libido, or what). At age 28 I was with a guy behind my wife's back twice (should have talked to her before I did it), felt guilty about it and stopped, was with a guy a year later (was just ok), we moved to San Antonio I discovered new ways to meet guys online and was with a number of guys (some once, some many times). I was also with several females (which I truly regret because that is clearly something I should have/could have gotten from my wife). About 4 years ago my wife found out I'd been with guys/women during our marriage, was devastated, I promised to stop, and ended up going back to it shortly thereafter, would do it for awhile, she'd find out, I'd stop, then it would repeat. The last 2 years I've been pretty much with the same two guys (all of this is just oral BTW), with periods of stopping due to guilt or she finds out or both. I have not been with any guy in several months. She has NO Libido, I am always horny, the last couple of times we've tried to fool around we just weren't syncing. I become depressed and agitated when I'm not with guys in more than a week and angry at her for denying me any sexual release/the life I want. Pleasuring myself when horny usually just makes me more horny (usually for guys) The first few weeks after I stopped being with guys last time (which was also when we moved), I was pretty calm etc. But I've become depressed, anxious as of late (I am on several medicines which help greatly but not completely). When we try to be sexual (when I'm not being with guys), I enjoy what we are doing but usually at least part of the time am thinking about guys (and she knows this). I really have a hard time functioning in life with out male sex, I would also like to be with her. If we weren't together I might be with a guy (but would still probably want to be with women from time to time - I'd make that known from the begining). She is my best friend, I truly do care about and love her and want to be with her for the rest of my life, with her it's emotional/making love, with guys it's mostly physical/animalistic. She is ill and I basically help take care of her which probably makes me less inclined to be sexual with her. She needs me in my life, she is unable to work (hasn't been able to since we've been married) and her family is in cold climates (which she cannot live in due to her health issues, plus I help take care of some of her basic needs at times which I'm sure she doesn't want family to do. I've been thinking for awhile that I need to be sexual with guys twice a week, every week for the rest of my life. I function best in all parts of my life when that is the case. I told her that last week after I broke down again about needing to be with guys. The other night she said "Do what you need to do", just don't tell me about it/flaunt it/give me details, don't do it at our house, get tested regualrly, no staying out all night, and you need to wait at least a week after being with a guy sexually before being with me sexually. I'm am quite pleased yet still feeling somewhat guilty, haven't done anything yet due to lack of opportunity, probably will soon (not for sure). We both love each other and wan't to be together and want it to work. As far as attraction I am way more attracted to women than men (but obviously am attracted to them as well). When it comes to sex I think I prefer guys (usually just giving oral, no anal). When I occassionally look at porn I look at both straight and gay porn. I do have ED which makes me anxious with her, we've probably only had intercourse about 10 times in the 12.5 years we've been married, fooled around on and off with long gaps in between sometimes over a year. Maybe if we were being far more sexual I wouldn't need to be with guys, but I highly doubt that. Yes, we should probably both get therapy no matter what I do or don't do (when in therapy in the past, the therapist told me to give up the guys if I wanted it to work with the wife). Many bisexuals are monogamous with just their life life partner I'm just not sure if it's in my nature at least with a female.
Any/all thoughts are appreciated and welcome even if critical.
Thanks,
Steve
P.S. We have no kids.
P.P.S. We probably moved too quickly (for me) moving in, engagement, etc when we first got together. My fault for not being honest about my needs/thoughts.
I think you should leave your wife honestly. She doesn't deserve all this cheating. Altho, I'm not sure what she expected when you two were starting off the relationship w/ threesomes w/ other guys.
WAIT...you've had sex 10 TIMES in TWELVE AND A HALF YEARS? Oh lord...that's not good.
Wow...first of all, it takes a lot of guts to just come out and spill such intimate details about your sexual life so I hope people don't jump up your throat right now.
I do think that some intense marriage counseling is required on your part. I think there are issues in your marriage that are very serious and not many posters (including myself) have anything to say that can actually help.
It is obvious to me though, that sex preoccupies most of your thinking just from reading this post and it could be because your sexual life is lacking so severely. It's a tough situation because of your wife's illness and her need for you, otherwise I would have said that I only see divorce in your future.
It seems like you have been leading a very promiscious type of life, full of lies and guilt and cheating and it's very destructive to your own self of worthiness. I don't know what to say, but it doesn't look too good.
Another thing is that even with oral sex, you are endangering yourself and your partner, you can still get HIV and all other STDs and it seems like you have put yourself and your wife in danger numerous of times.
Actually your post to me just reassures me of what I already thought was true: It's hard (although not impossible) to be monogamous when you are a bisexual, because if you chose one gender to be with, you will always crave another gender in some way or the other.
At the end, I just want to go back on saying that you both need to get counseling, together and individually. Both of you need to be happy and seems like none of you are now happy or fulfilled.
As far as STDs I've been pretty monogomous with the 2 guys for the last 2 years. I have been tested, as have they, all negative (one of them has been with one other guy, the other one no other guys, both are bi).
I dont think the OP is bisexual. I think he is gay gay gay! He stated quite clearly that when he is "trying" to have sex with his wife he is thinking of dudes. He says when he hasnt been with a dude for a while he gets agitated. Although it isnt unusual for a man to fantasize about being with someone else while he is making love to his wife, its usually a fantasy of being with another woman. Dude---YOU ARE GAY! Be honest with your wife. Stop the lies. Join the Richard Simmons fan club and let your wife get on with her life.
I dont think the OP is bisexual. I think he is gay gay gay! He stated quite clearly that when he is "trying" to have sex with his wife he is thinking of dudes. He says when he hasnt been with a dude for a while he gets agitated. Although it isnt unusual for a man to fantasize about being with someone else while he is making love to his wife, its usually a fantasy of being with another woman. Dude---YOU ARE GAY! Be honest with your wife. Stop the lies. Join the Richard Simmons fan club and let your wife get on with her life.
This is what I think as well. Bisexuality is not as common as people say it is. Most people have a preference for one sex over the other. People who are truly bisexual do not.
Not necessarily. A man who is truly gay will not be seeking to be with women AT ALL and the OP said that he cheated on his wife with women as well.
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