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First, my in laws have been very supportive of me. They are catholic and when we were engaged they even went to my Buddhist Temple. I take care of their only daughter and they have told me they appreciate it. They have driven 5 hours to sit with me when I was home from an operation and my wife could not afford time away from school. The watched our dog for a couple of weeks when we moved. When my wife graduated school they gave her a $5,000 check toward the purchase of a new car.
I get along with them although I find her Dad a little to fasinated with people with money and predudiced. It's pretty polar opposite to my Buddhist thinking. So after a couple of days around him, I'm pretty ready to go.
OK so here is the question.
Every tenth birthday my wife takes her dad out to eat anyplace he wants, on her. A nice gesture and one I approve of. Ten years ago she lived in Chicago and took him to Tru. The bill was $600. Fine, I'm still OK with that.
Well, ten years later (now) she asks him where he wants to go and he says he wants to go back to Tru for his birthday.
The problem? We no longer live in Chicago.
My wife is a resident and makes about $40,000 a year and only gets two weeks vacation. I get no vacation.
So in order to take him to Tru, we both need to take time off work, fly out there, get a hotel (they cost about $200 a night in Chicago, before taxes) and then take him out to dinner.
So it will cost us air flight, taxis, hotel fees and $800 for dinner for 4 (assuming the price has not gone up). My wife will be giving up 1/4 of her vacation and I will not get paid for two days work.
All in all, it's going to cost a little less than $4,000 for this jaunt and 1/4 of my wife's vacation.
My wife points out that it's less than the graduation present. And we can afford it, if we give up our vacation this year. And her father prob. wont see another 10 years. So it's doable.
But I'm just besides myself in anger that he would ask for this. I love my wife, so I won't tell her. I can't reason with her parents, because they will tell her.
Ok, so she asked where he wanted to go, what was he supposed to do, pick a restaurant where you live and fly to where you are? It's not as though he called up asking if you can go out of your way to take him out to dinner in a fancy restaurant, your wife offered. Perhaps he assumed you guys had the finances to pull it off.
Question, why a hotel, can't you stay with in-laws for a few days to same some money?
I'd say you roll this dinner into a mini-vacation and make the most of it, get the most bang for you buck. Like you said, it's probably going to be the last "ten year dinner" you'll have with him and I'm sure it means a lot to your wife.
Question, why a hotel, can't you stay with in-laws for a few days to same some money?
.
None of us live in Chicago.
Yes. I kind of just assumed he would pick a place where one of us lives.
But if I read you response correctly. My wife (and her family) is important to me. Suck it up and think about how much I like my wife. As requests go, this isn't outrageous.
First, my in laws have been very supportive of me. They are catholic and when we were engaged they even went to my Buddhist Temple. I take care of their only daughter and they have told me they appreciate it. They have driven 5 hours to sit with me when I was home from an operation and my wife could not afford time away from school. The watched our dog for a couple of weeks when we moved. When my wife graduated school they gave her a $5,000 check toward the purchase of a new car.
I get along with them although I find her Dad a little to fasinated with people with money and predudiced. It's pretty polar opposite to my Buddhist thinking. So after a couple of days around him, I'm pretty ready to go.
OK so here is the question.
Every tenth birthday my wife takes her dad out to eat anyplace he wants, on her. A nice gesture and one I approve of. Ten years ago she lived in Chicago and took him to Tru. The bill was $600. Fine, I'm still OK with that.
Well, ten years later (now) she asks him where he wants to go and he says he wants to go back to Tru for his birthday.
The problem? We no longer live in Chicago.
My wife is a resident and makes about $40,000 a year and only gets two weeks vacation. I get no vacation.
So in order to take him to Tru, we both need to take time off work, fly out there, get a hotel (they cost about $200 a night in Chicago, before taxes) and then take him out to dinner.
So it will cost us air flight, taxis, hotel fees and $800 for dinner for 4 (assuming the price has not gone up). My wife will be giving up 1/4 of her vacation and I will not get paid for two days work.
All in all, it's going to cost a little less than $4,000 for this jaunt and 1/4 of my wife's vacation.
My wife points out that it's less than the graduation present. And we can afford it, if we give up our vacation this year. And her father prob. wont see another 10 years. So it's doable.
But I'm just besides myself in anger that he would ask for this. I love my wife, so I won't tell her. I can't reason with her parents, because they will tell her.
Just what the heck am I supposed to do?
Grow a spine????
Give your wife some parameters regarding WHERE and HOW MUCH she can spend on this Dinner (the same dinner that will be in the bottom of your father-in-law's toilet the next day).
It is monumentally stupid to pay $800 for dinner. If this is what her father "requires" to prove that she loves him, then I would not even bother. What kind of screwed up relationship is that anyway?
I would suggest that she find a nice restaurant and "surprise" him on his birthday with a nice, normal, reasonably priced dinner that is filled with much love - minus the price tag. Someplace near-by.
God, hope the OP is some sort of inventive troll with a vivid imagination. I would hate to think that there is someone that actually, seriously wrote this post.
Regardless, let her have this "last dinner" with her dad. You can always replace the money, but you will never be able to live down the regret of depriving her of one last birthday dinner with her father.
Give your wife some parameters regarding WHERE and HOW MUCH she can spend on this Dinner (the same dinner that will be in the bottom of your father-in-law's toilet the next day).
God, hope the OP is some sort of inventive troll with a vivid imagination. I would hate to think that there is someone that actually, seriously wrote this post.
20yrsinBranson
#2
Quote:
You can always replace the money, but you will never be able to live down the regret of depriving her of one last birthday dinner with her father.
I love my wife and would never push her to do something that she might regret later.
I'm not a troll. I may be ranting and venting.
It may be the last "10 year dinner" but it doesn't have to be the last dinner. If you're going to have to give up vacation time for "one dinner", then take him somewhere more reasonable. For crying out loud, having to spend $4000 to pay for a dinner is just ridiculous, and tell your wife that.
I thought my family was bad, but even with six of us, in all the expensive restaurants we've eaten at with alcohol and six people, we haven't come close to $600...yet.
Have you tried these websites to find a closer restaurant with the same type of ambiance and cuisine?
I think you just needed to vent but will go along with this, it sounds like a cultural expectation to a large extent, one you pretty much understand. Since you can afford it, just let it go.
I figure that averaged out over 10 years, it's only $400 per birthday.
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