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This seems to be really common in the online dating world:
Meet someone online
Chat a bit online
They ask you to meet in person
I feel like a major step is missing here: speaking with the person over the phone first.
I mean...is it just me? I'm not trying to start a thread complaining about online dating. But this happens so often and I just don't understand it. There is so much you can "gauge" just by talking to someone over the phone first; I find it an important part of the "screening process" or whatever you want to call it.
Also, as an adult everyone is busy and everyone values their time so I don't understand why taking the simple step of speaking to a person first is not on the minds of so many people who are dating online. I am thinking about this not from just my own perspective but from the perspective of people who reach out to me as well - meaning - they might just as well find they don't want to meet up with me after talking first. I wouldn't want to waste anyone else's time any more than I'd think they'd want me to waste theirs, and by simply talking first, I feel like there's an obvious added layer of confirmation to both parties that you both at least "do in fact really want to meet".
Depends upon how convenient it is to meet up with the person face-to-face.
Personally, I prefer to get off the online format and out for a coffee asap, and every guy I've met from online dating has been the same way, but that's just how it is in my city. I realize that lots of people go online and like to string the chat out forever, and often that's all they're interested in. The phone could be the same way... it could ultimately be a waste of time.
So why not grab a coffee and see if they're really interested/interesting? If there's no chemistry, you'll both see it. You finish your coffee, and boom, you're both out of there.
Depends upon how convenient it is to meet up with the person face-to-face.
Personally, I prefer to get off the online format and out for a coffee asap, and every guy I've met from online dating has been the same way, but that's just how it is in my city. I realize that lots of people go online and like to string the chat out forever, and often that's all they're interested in. The phone could be the same way... it could ultimately be a waste of time.
So why not grab a coffee and see if they're really interested/interesting? If there's no chemistry, you'll both see it. You finish your coffee, and boom, you're both out of there.
Although I still remain open to it, it just makes me uneasy. I'm a naturally shy person and talking to a person first gives me a certain added layer of comfort before meeting them. I'm very intuitive, and like to have some sort of a better feel for the person before actually meeting up; I feel talking to them first gives me that.
I've also had my fair share of outings with the not-so-stable; you'd be surprised how many come off as pretty stable online but once you talk to them you can pick up on more of the "instability".
To each his own, maybe I'm a bit old fashioned? Don't get me wrong though...I don't want to chat it up every day on the phone for a month with a man before going out with him. I'm just more comfortable at 'least' talking one time first.
Also, you have a point about the convenience part seeing as though I live in a big city and don't drive. I do everything via train, uber, etc. Although I felt the same way about this before I moved here and drove everywhere.
I can't speak for everyone, but I really hate talking on the phone with people I don't know in that context. Without being able to read facial expressions and body language, I feel like I might as well be blind. I don't think I'll impress anyone that way. I know i'm not getting a good read on him. So if a guy really wants to talk prior to meeting, I'll do it, but I would never suggest it on my own. Usually when I have to talk on the phone, I don't end up meeting the guy.
And I assume, since most men are visual, that they would prefer to see a woman rather than listen to her to make a decision about their level of attraction.
I guess if I lived in a more spread out area where a first meet might involve a longer drive, that could be an issue. I rarely have to travel more than 20 minutes for a date.
Talking on the phone is part of the process for some. Not for others. If you want to talk to them on the phone before meeting, say so. That's all it takes.
Although I still remain open to it, it just makes me uneasy. I'm a naturally shy person and talking to a person first gives me a certain added layer of comfort before meeting them. I'm very intuitive, and like to have some sort of a better feel for the person before actually meeting up; I feel talking to them first gives me that.
I've also had my fair share of outings with the not-so-stable; you'd be surprised how many come off as pretty stable online but once you talk to them you can pick up on more of the "instability".
To each his own, maybe I'm a bit old fashioned? Don't get me wrong though...I don't want to chat it up every day on the phone for a month with a man before going out with him. I'm just more comfortable at 'least' talking one time first.
Also, you have a point about the convenience part seeing as though I live in a big city and don't drive. I do everything via train, uber, etc. Although I felt the same way about this before I moved here and drove everywhere.
I think you should go with your comfort zone, and maybe some conversation on the phone is a good idea before meeting in person.
Personally, as a woman, I wouldn't want to give out my phone number to someone I haven't seen in person (in a public location).
Talking on the phone is part of the process for some. Not for others. If you want to talk to them on the phone before meeting, say so. That's all it takes.
Agreed! I can take it or leave it. I'ld rather meet for a coffee asap and take it from there.
Very interesting...it seems so far I 'may' actually be in the minority when it comes to this and I'm honestly surprised about that.
Maybe I 'am' a bit old fashioned.
OLD will sometimes require adjustments, but do what you're comfortable with at the end of the day. Like others already said, if it's not too much on an inconvenience then it's easier to just meet up in person. I've had phone conversations that went really well, and then I've met the person and it's been a bit of a let down TBH. I think most people try and avoid this whole build up & just prefer meeting asap.
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