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When I look at my friends and family members who have been happily married for a long time, I note that the men were all raised in a household with a male figure. Could be a biological father, could be a step father. But they all seem to have one.
Is this a coincidence, or am I on to something here?
Discuss. And if you strongly agree or disagree, I'd be interested in knowing your own sex and how you were raised.
I was very lucky to be raised with both of my parents. I think it helped mold me into the man I am today? That doesn't necessarily mean that you can't be a great person with only one?
I was a Daddy's girl until I was 12 - that's when he walked out on me and my Mom. My perfect Daddy got his girlfriend pregnant. I grew up with major trust and abandonment issues.
One of my ex boyfriends (4 year relationship) grew up with both parents and a sister. I agree, that it made him in tune with women, because he was the most sensitive men I've ever met.
My ex husband grew up with his Mom and 2 brothers. His Mom was married... I wanna say 5 times... It might have been 4 or 6 though, I lost count. She never stayed married for longer than a couple of years and every time got divorced for ridiculous reasons. It didn't surprise me, that my ex didn't take marriage seriously either. Before we got married, he always said 'I'll only get married once'. After the divorce I said - didn't you say you'll only get married once? He said 'Yes, I did. So I guess I'm not getting married again'. That's not how I understood it before, but OK .
I had a great childhood. My husbands were my "bad choices" but you know what? I don't regret one single thing I've done in my life. And, of course, they had something to do with my divorces. All I ever really asked from any of them was to be nice to me, treat me with respect, don't 'punish' me because I have different opinions and don't cheat on me with other women. And be good to my kids! I never asked for anything unreasonable.
I have to add this...I was raised to believe that marriage was 'forever'. I was raised to believe that my husband would love me, cherish me and, if not 'adore' me, at least treat me with the respect a wife should get. Especially one who did all she could to BE a good wife. My mom taught me a LOT about being a good wife and I followed her example. Not my fault I married men who, I eventually found out, didn't really appreciate that. Or who, because I was so laid back and easy going, expected me to be a doormat for them. My mom once remarked that I probably couldn't stay married because my self esteem was TOO high and I couldn't let a man treat me as "less than" I am. She said that was good thing though. And if that is so then I have to 'blame' my parents for it.
What about yours..since were asking..i remember a post not too long asking advise about being intimate with another female..because her husband isn't taking care of business.. was this because of your childhood experiences or is it just something which happened, unexpectedly, think about it....yes, i keep track..
And yes, since i opened the can of worms...had i not overcome the obstacles i had in dealing with this issue as a kid..i might have a harder time dating...Then again i could have morphed into the mirror image of my father..and been as abusive, selfish and self serving,..a total loser..slept with everyone..and irresponsible...
Instead, i chose to exactly everything he will never be..as a person, and as a man..
But hey, in some people's eyes, being exactly like my dad would be perfectly fine..since at least he and my mother were still together.... "So N..hows your son doing".."Hell if i know, i took off as quickly as i could..f-that responsibility, i got other chicks to dig".." well good for you son...i am so proud"...
Don't get testy, it was a valid question and she gave me an honest answer, which I appreciate - no reason to be hostile
And I have no idea what you are talking about in your first paragraph or how that would relate to the topic at hand.
You're right. I expected them to appreciate me and all I did to make them happy and that's just wrong wrong wrong, right? I should have never expected such a thing and then I wouldn't have felt bad when they didn't. Sigh.
You're right. I expected them to appreciate me and all I did to make them happy and that's just wrong wrong wrong, right? I should have never expected such a thing and then I wouldn't have felt bad when they didn't. Sigh.
But you chose to marry them. Even if you were angelic and they were demonic, you still chose to marry them. You chose four in a row, four flops at a life long promise you made. Don't you think you have some responsibility for the decisions you've made in your life? I hope this doesn't come off as me being a smart-aleck, yelling at you because that's not my intention. I just don't see how a person's judgment can improve if she isn't willing to view her past judgments with criticism. How can you grow?
I second that though process. I've noticed the chaos that is present when people come from homes that were not structured together. It's like some are addicted to chaos and need an emotional rollar coaster when it comes to relationships which is completely unhealthy.
I was raised in a 2 parent household along with my sister. I think it made me realize what it takes for a marriage to work. It wasn't perfect but I learned from my mom how to be loving, supportive, caring, and attentive to my family. My dad reinerated how to act and present myself like a lady. When I thought of the times he would tell me to change my skirt because he thought it was too short or he stayed up late because I went to magic mountain with my friends and he wanted to make sure I made it home safely these are good foundations. My mother taught me not to be loose by example and how to be a virtuous woman and growing up in church - I'm grateful. My mentality is so different from women who beg for attention through sex or don't know how to treat a man or how to be a man's greatest helper and cheerleader.
I'm all for 2 parent households. Values are different.
I will have to admit that some people can fight against what they have seen and know the importance of life but it's rare.
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That doesn't necessarily mean that you can't be a great person with only one?
It might have been 4 or 6 though, I lost count. She never stayed married for longer than a couple of years and every time got divorced for ridiculous reasons. It didn't surprise me, that my ex didn't take marriage seriously either. Before we got married, he always said 'I'll only get married once'. After the divorce I said - didn't you say you'll only get married once? He said 'Yes, I did. So I guess I'm not getting married again'. That's not how I understood it before, but OK 
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