I'm not emotional and seem cold (conversation, people, NYC, like)

[NYchi]

I have a great sense of humorr and I love to laugh. It just so happens that some of these men are not making me laugh. Some DO NOT have great conversation topics. When I try to talk about things like music, art politics etc... they don't seem interested. Maybe they are meatheads. I don't know.

[Ep-]

i've dated girls like that. it seems they open up a bit more with each date. i dont mind. different people have different personalities. i dont mind giving time if i know they will eventually open up a lot more soon

[le roi]

Originally Posted by Ep-

i dont mind giving time if i know they will eventually open up a lot more soon

if you don't mind me asking, how do you know this in advance?

[Ep-]

usually how talkative they are. i've noticed some people are very quiet to start out and be a bit more talkative by the end of the first date, then more so on the next date.

im the same way half the times. some people i click with instantly, others i click with after knowing them a little bit.

[le roi]

i guess that is pretty simple.

i probably hold people to unrealistic standards; i always breezed through interviews and first dates, so i kind of assume that everyone shows their best side from the beginning.

this thread has prompted some second thoughts about a recent date i never called back. i see similarities here. i figured if there was no chemistry or sexual tension at first, then i shouldn't try and force something that isn't coming naturally.

[Ep-]

girl im seeing now i wasnt planning on going out with for a second date because our first date was really meh, but we had a lot in common and she seemed nice. she ended up asking me if i wanted to see her again. i agreed mostly because i didnt have much going on that weekend. second date was the complete opposite of the first and i wouldnt have found that out if i didnt see her agian

[NYchi]

You will never find a true love if you are judging people like that right off the bat.

[Redisca]

Originally Posted by NYchi

This is what i've been told by men on several occassions. It just takes more that 3 dates for me to warm up to a person. I have a quiet personality anyway. I don't get it? Do most men like gregarious type of women? If so I don't have a chance because I'm the more reserved and subdued type. I guess I better start stocking up on kitty litter.

There is a difference between being cool and reserved on the one hand, and just really shy on the other. If you are so extremely uncomfortable that you don't make eye contact and don't talk, that makes it very difficult for your date to get to know you, and if nothing they say gets a rise out of you, that can be frustrating to someone who is trying to please you and find out what makes you tick.

So what does "reserved and subdued type" mean in your case? In my dating days, as a reticent person myself, I would inform newcomers that clubbing wasn't my thing, that I wasn't a bar vixen, and that I wasn't into sports either, so no screaming on the bleachers for me. But with that out of the way, I think I'm a pretty good dinner companion, I can make even a shy person comfortable, maintain a two-way conversation and take an interest in what people say to me. Find out what your strengths are and emphasize them. However, if social interaction in general is difficult for you under any circumstances, you may want to consider just getting out more -- with your friends, or even alone. Get comfortable talking to strangers; it will do wonders for you.

[NYchi]

I am not shy and am very comfortable talking to strangers...I just don't like small talk and I prefer a deeper level of conversation.

[Beliciano]

I've been told the same things several times as well, only by women. But I guess that's what happens when people tell you your feelings don't count. The funny thing is, people who told me that ask me now why I never show emotion!!