A lot of Single Mom's out there~ (gay, pictures, message)
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Sleeping with him early in the relationship is most likely fatal for any commitment.
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Originally Posted by JSizzle225
I think we all can agree on that.
I think MOST people feel this is true. I do as well. However, I must admit that I have, in the past, slept with a guy on the first date. Not many mind you, but a few. And one of them, I ended up marrying. And I know a few other women with the same experience. So a fatality is not always inevitable.
I've visited some of the local dating sites in the past week and there is a shocking amt of single mothers out there.
Sad thing is most will have a difficult time finding a future partner due to the whole baggage social stigma.
I can't imagine how tuff it must be for them.
I can only speak for myself but if other men out there even think remotely the way I do then a single women has very little prospects to chose from.
In my case I could never get involved w/ a single mom, from the outstart there would be concerns over the ex being around, or not paying child support and I having to support another mans kid. Then there is the fact that she would already have 1 child so it would diminish our options to have a big family of our own, as I would imagine she wouldn't want to have that many children only to be left again (or the fear of it happening again I should say).
What should they do, should single men w/ no kids give them a shot/
I would have no problem dating a nice woman with no more than two kids (with the same man preferably). I've asked dozens of them out, but THEY won't give ME a chance. LOL! It's true.
My Mom was a single mother. She tried hard to do her best. My parents split up when I was real young. Sometimes shyt happens and you just need to roll with it.
There is not a single father for every single mother out there. Women have moved towards hypergamy (which is one of the main reasons there are so many single moms to begin with). There are less men that women approve of then ever before.Women have become more picky, they demand dominance of some kind. Thus we have a smaller universe of acceptable men who have turned many women into single mothers. I have seen statistics that show there is a significantly higher % of childless men than women.
One way to solve this problem is to come down hard on fathers who don't pay child support. If they don't or can't pay we should put them in prison and/or force them to get a vasectomy. If we destroyed the lives of these deadbeat dads who get multiple women pregnant finally women would choose less dominant men to father their children. These men would mostly stick around and be good, stable husbands and fathers.
I don't think force would be necessary. I think welfare offices should offer a one time cash payment of about $400 to anyone who will be sterilized. And both parents should be required to provide financial support to the child but also have equal opportunity for custody.
Often single mothers thought the baby would trap the man into staying in a relationship or they want a fourth of his income to supplement their welfare lifestyle. These women shouldn't be given automatic custody, in many cases the dad should have the custody and the mothers forced to provide child support.
I could see offering vasectomy as a way to lower jail time for those deadbeats out there.
I do agree with that statement. Some do that. But not all. I just can or will not make a sweeping judgment against a group as large as single mothers.
.......
It's just philosophical differences. I certainly don't want to force any guy to date single mothers if they don't want to. But on the flip side, guys that choose to date single mothers, aren't necessarily just sifting through trash.
I don't mean they're all trash. Many obviously get pregnant intentionally and with ulterior motives, selfish motives. Some because they believe a baby will keep a man bonded to them, some because they want a baby like they want any possession, the doll they never had, and they're often completely unprepared for motherhood. Or they figure the welfare life beats working hard for a living, and the baby will certainly bring them the welfare life.
However - I realize that there are some who while knowing full well where babies come from "messed up", and are facing the consequences of that -- bravely and honorably. They aren't taking the easy way out - but they also realize full well that dating choices might be limited. This type is fine with that, they chose their baby's life over everything else including partying and dating. Since they didn't have a baby to get the welfare life, they're usually working hard and have little time to date so often don't. Dating and partying aren't as important to them as raising and spending time with their child so this kind might be hard to meet.
The problem many single mothers actually have are the knights in shining armor who would want to rescue them. Some men will see these women as needy - which many are but that's not a healthy relationship. Or she may feel needy at the time, but the day she doesn't will be the day the new problems start.
If a guy doesn't want to date a single mother, that's his business. It's the reasons being put forth that some of us take issue with. Now, it's one thing to you say you don't want to date a single mom because you don't want to deal with the scheduling issues that'll inevitably come up. Or you just don't like to be around kids. Or you want to have kids someday, but you're worried about what it'll be like to raise your kids in a household where her kids answer to a different father. Those are certainly understandable concerns.
But what's interesting is how quick some people are to make assumptions about an entire group of people. For example, a lot of guys assume every single mom is looking for a father figure for her kid. Or they assume that, as long as there's a kid in the picture, she'll never be able to make time for her partner. There's another thread about people in their 40s who've never been married and what it says about such a person. What do these threads have in common? They both show how some people are unwilling to wait until they have all the facts. They'd rather fill in the blanks than dare to wait until they know the full story. Maybe it's today's fast-paced world. No one has the time to get to know anybody. To a certain extent, it's OK to be judgmental or make assumptions. For example, if you discover someone was convicted of rape, are you supposed to give him the benefit of the doubt? I doubt most people would. But if you meet a single mom, will you automatically say "this person is an irresponsible promiscuous **** who exercises poor decision making and I want nothing do with anyone like that."? How bout just taking people on a case-by-case basis? When I meet a single mom, I'll be curious to know how she came to be a single mom. But what I won't do is jump to conclusions. Cause I know there's a chance I could be way off.
What's missing in all of these assumptions is the belief that a person could change. If someone makes a mistake at age 20, especially a mistake with life-changing consequences, do you think they don't learn from that mistake? I think most of us, anytime we make a serious mistake, reevaluate our decision-making process. We take a long, hard look at ourselves and resolve to not make the same mistake again. So why is it so hard to believe that a single mother hasn't gone through that same learning process? I've never met a single mom who didn't take responsibility for her actions. I've never met anyone who expected people to give her a pass and say "these things just happen in life." They know what people think of them. They know the stigma that's out there. But I think most would at least want the chance to prove that they're no longer the same person they were 5 or 10 years ago.
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Originally Posted by solytaire
And rather than accept the fact that biologically men are hardwired to detest other men's offspring.
Yeah, that's why I hate my friends' kids. It's even why I hate my nephew and nieces.
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