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your kids all have "issues" - they are lazy, irresponsible, manipulative and bratty. They most likely didn't get that way themselves, you've been enabling them for far too long is my guess.
Do yourself and them a big favor and start drawing some boundries RIGHT NOW. They apparently do not respect you, but that's because you haven't required them to.
They are all adults now and they must learn to act like adults.
oh no no no....why is it that because the kids are adults everyone is telling you to kick your kids out and stick with your husband??
if they were younger you would not say that.
No, I wouldn't have the same opinion if the kids were younger. A person who's been an adult for at least 5 years should take care of and be responsible for themselves. A child can't. I don't think that's an outrageous idea...
I feel so so bad for the grandchildren who are lost in this situation.
Latest news.....youngest son just came home and annonced he was moving out at the end of the month and that he was fed up of living with hypocrites (he thinks i knew in advance about hubby getting his job which i didn't) but he doesn't believe me and again raised his voice...hubby woke up and told him to talk to me properly. son actually had the nerve to tell my husband to shutup....I looked at son and said that was uncalled for....he said "he is putting his nose where it doesn't belong" i told him that he is doing right...i'm his wife and he wants you to talk to me respectfully and that its normal...he bytched and said that i am always putting my hubby before my own kids and that i did that since they were young and he was fed up and no longer wants anything to do with me...and hubby got fedup of son raising his voice at me told him to get out now....which as of this moment my youngest son is gone...he just went to move in with my oldest daughter (the one that accused my hubby) I am so heartbroken not because hubby asked him to leave but because of all the hurtful things he said to me....some was true some not....now i have lost 3 of my kids that will no longer want anything to do with me....am i paying for my past mistakes now? will they ever talk to me again?
Sounds like a lot of drama here...wow!
I`m curious as to see how you feel about this? What is your "intake" in this whole situation? Do you think the kids are to blame, or do you think that your husband has over-stepped his boundaries?
It seems to me that you have screwed up your household for three decades - you don't have three bad kids due to random chance. I think you should go to your husband right now, apologize, and tell him that effect immediately you will defer to him on all matters related to your home and marriage. ALL matters. If he wants your children out of the house, you need to get on board with his plan. You've already proven that you can't do it on your own. I've never been one to advise a woman "do as your husband says" but I'm making an exception. He's the voice of reason in your house, get on board and live out the rest of your life with a man you loves you and doesn't treat you badly.
It seems to me that you have screwed up your household for three decades - you don't have three bad kids due to random chance. I think you should go to your husband right now, apologize, and tell him that effect immediately you will defer to him on all matters related to your home and marriage. ALL matters. If he wants your children out of the house, you need to get on board with his plan. You've already proven that you can't do it on your own. I've never been one to advise a woman "do as your husband says" but I'm making an exception. He's the voice of reason in your house, get on board and live out the rest of your life with a man you loves you and doesn't treat you badly.
I agree with this, your husband stood up for you when your son was disrespecting you. If I read it right, he didn't immediately tell the son to leave, his first words were to speak to you with more respect. he is completely on your side, you need to get on his as well.
it would be different if he was just telling your kids to move out because he was tired of them, he didn't.
I can also 100% understand and agree with the fact that the daughter doing the accusing would not be allowed in the home.
I wanted to thank everyone for all the comments you have written some i do agree with others i found a bit harse....I know i started this....I read every single quote and this is my comment on a couple of those. First of all my daughter didn't directly accuse hubby she voiced them on the phone to me. I told her off and hung the phone on her. Then I told hubby about it yes he was pissed and didn't want to see Rachel near our home and he still doesn't. I do respect him and understand where he is coming from. I spoke to Rachel about it and I explained the reason why he doesn't want her here. This is her come back on that issue the other day. "Mom I didn't accuse him...since I don't really know him I only voiced my concerns about leaving him or any other guy alone with my 13 yr old daughter. I will not apologize to your husband when i didn't directly accuse him". I told her just for the sake of having peace she said no....so I told her until she did she can't come over....hubby is stuburn too...
.As for my 2 sons Marc is still here but Joe (the one that yelled at me) has moved out. He came here a couple of times he has apologized to me but he hasn't apologized to my husband yet. So until he does hubby doesn't want him here either....which i do understand.....My oldest son Marc is still living here he works with hubby once and awhile so they do get along even though he is messy. At least he has more of a laid back character and loves to joke and be playful...you could say it takes the sting out...as for my daughter Cynthia she just doesn't want anything to do with me apparently its because she doesn't like what's been happening with the Rachel and Joe situation...not because anything happened between us....oh well I figure it this way... I am doing what i want now....if you all want to be aZZ holes then do it on your own time....I have no more patience for stupidity...and that goes for hubby and for the kids.....
One thing i have notice with hubby that no one else here can see......he is a controller.....he hates it when he doesn't win with me... he has no patience what so ever.....alot of you were taking his side on things without knowing his character....he is also like a child...if he wants something you have to try and give it to him or he goes on a rampage....he sits in front of this computer all day long....i try to get him to do other things...but noooooooooooooo....it took me 2 months for him to bring a darn empty jar to the garage!....we have visiters over we will all be in the dining room talking he gets up and goes into the office and plays on pc....i mean really.....yes i love my husband even with his short comings.... but i am a strong person and put up with alot of bs before i get totally pissed off...
This is my third marriage I left first hubby because he was a woman beater which I didn't know till after we were married.....i left second hubby because he turned into a drug addict and a alcholic (which I am totally against).....I don't put up with alot of BS at least I try not too...but for some reason with hubby #3 I have more patience even though I know that is wearing thin and its not because of the kids believe me. But there are alot of little things that just sets him off. He wants my children to respect me which i find totally cool....but should he not respect me also? No I am not making excuses for my kids I do know their charaters and I do know how they are....but hubby is not the perfect gentlman as you all seem to think he is....good lord I WISH!!
Just for the record my daughter Rachel doesn't do drugs....she had her children taken away from her because one day her 8 yr old son (who has ADHD) took off with his little sister and stole a row boat and ended up in the middle of the lake....the kids where taken away because the social services found that they were not in a secure environment.....
oh no no no....why is it that because the kids are adults everyone is telling you to kick your kids out and stick with your husband??
if they were younger you would not say that.
your kids will always be YOURS. he is just someone that came into your life. your kids are the ones who will take care of you one way or another when you grow older. you cannot forsake your children for a mate who is not their parent--no matter what the age!
No I wouldnt tell her to kick her young kids out obviously. But I would tell her to make her bratty little kids mind and respect her and her new husband. I dont care how old they are. You do not even pick your young kids over your husband if they are the ones being disrespectful, bratty, ungrateful little sh**s. You become a united front and you both make them mind. Period.
It sounds like you need to lovingly set some boundaries with your kids and your husband. Right now, it sounds like both camps are putting pressure on you and that could cause one or more important relationships to collapse. That's condition I'm pretty sure you don't want. A good individual counselor who specializes in Codependent Relationships could help you figure out how to set those boundaries. It also sounds as if your husband could be a bit more supportive of you in your circumstances. However, I don't what lengths he has already gone to in supporting your in your difficulty, so I can't say that for sure.
This may seem harsh but I'm trying to be helpful: I think you need therapy. You raised three bad kids. You married a wife beater, then a drug addict, and now according to you your current husband is controlling and childish. That's six people with problems, and the common denominator is you. Your judgment is way out of whack, and I think you need to figure out why that is ASAP.
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