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No other guy understands this because no other guy thinks like you do. You are probably the only one on this forum that has the thoughts you have, doesn't that make you stop and ask yourself a few questions? Have you ever had a girlfriend for longer than a couple hours? Do you even want a girlfriend? What would you think or do if you found out that a girlfriend wanted to be touched by you? Ask yourself a few of these questions. You surely don't want to sound foolish to the rest of the posters, but with the comments you make you don't sound like the rest of us. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just trying to get you to give this some serious thought.
In a few years then a girlfriend would be nice, I'm fine with the fact that girls don't want to be intimate or have sex. Those things are not that important.
All women are like her though. Women hate sex. Women hate intimacy. Women hate being touched. Women are disgusted by those things, it's a shame offcourse but thats just the way it is.
If I get a girlfriend I won't touch her... ever, it seems I am the only guy that understands this.
In a few years then a girlfriend would be nice, I'm fine with the fact that girls don't want to be intimate or have sex. Those things are not that important.
Where in the world are you from, seriously? I would gather to say that most WOMEN love to be touched...they just want to be touched by someone they care about. Check the creepy vibe you are giving off...the problem is you.
Where in the world are you from, seriously? I would gather to say that most WOMEN love to be touched...they just want to be touched by someone they care about. Check the creepy vibe you are giving off...the problem is you.
Creepy vibe? For what? The fact that I respect women and accept the fact that woman do not want to have sex or even be touched. I am just trying to be a gentleman.
Creepy vibe? For what? The fact that I respect women and accept the fact that woman do not want to have sex or even be touched. I am just trying to be a gentleman.
In all seriousness, did you get in trouble as a child for touching a girl(s) and were told girls don't like to be touched?
As you can see, whatever you were taught or thought is wrong. You're still young (17?), so this misinformation can be corrected.
Creepy vibe? For what? The fact that I respect women and accept the fact that woman do not want to have sex or even be touched. I am just trying to be a gentleman.
Honey, it's that women don't want to have sex or be touched by you. You're a teenager (I think you said you were 17 or 18), you don't know the first thing about women, sex or love. You've never had a girlfriend, probably haven't had sex, and are afraid to approach women, yet you have the audacity to offer advice to a woman who is clearly having serious emotional problems?
Every single woman I know (and I know a hell of a lot more than you do) loves to cuddle, hold hands and kiss. The vast majority of them love sex, especially when it's with a partner they love. Why do you think we love Sex and the City? It made it ok for us to be open about enjoying sex. It's easier for a woman to have bad sex, but that doesn't mean we hate all sex, we just avoid people who suck at it.
OP, you are very young and it's ok to break up with someone if you just aren't working out (and crying after sex is a big sign of that). When I was 20, I broke up with my boyfriend, the love of my life, after a year and a half because our lives were just going in different directions. It was incredibly hard, but it needed to be done. Now, in my case, we stayed friends and eventually got back together and are getting married when I finish grad school. This is rare, but the important thing is that the 20 year old me and 21 year old him just didn't work- we were not people who could share a future. We needed to go out into the world and create our own lives and that's what you need to do. You are still living at home- live in your own apartment with roommates, figure out your career goals and focus on those for a bit. In a few years, you may be in a better place to make a go of it, or you may realize that you still aren't right for each other. Either way, you are not working well as a couple RIGHT NOW. It's ok, it happens. It doesn't mean either of you are bad people or that it's someone's fault. You will find other people you like and those will help you figure out what want in life.
I agree with everyone who agrees you should get counseling. Are you in school at all? A lot of schools have a counseling center or student health services with someone you can talk to.
My boyfriend/fiance and I have been together for almost two years. We're both 20 years old. The sex was fine up until the past six months ago or so. I started not really caring if we had sex or not. He's extremely attractive and everything that I look for in a man. He's not bad at it by any means, and I do enjoy myself a majority of the time when we have sex. I just stopped actively seeking it.
This is a sign of trouble. The whole paragraph is a sign of difficulty but the last part is definitely a sign of trouble.
First off, you're both 20 and have been together for two years, which means since you were 18. Odds are neither of you has really been around much. I'm not saying you need to get out there and get jiggy wid it, but when you say "the sex was fine" it indicates a willingness but a lack of enthusiasm.
There's not a great deal WRONG with that at your age because both of you are fairly inexperienced -- which is kind of my point.
Your boyfriend is "not bad at it by any means" but for this being the man you are certain you want to spend the rest of your life with, sex should be better than "fine" and "not bad at it" -- and that's difficult because you're both (once more) inexperienced and you don't really seem to be that into it at an age when your boyfriend really IS into it in a very hormone-driven way.
And now it's reached a stage where it's affecting you emotionally, which is perfectly understandable.
Well a few months ago, I was starting to get resentful because we rarely went out on dates or celebrated holidays, or did any of that other 'typical' relationship stuff. Then I realized that I was being hypocritical because he wanted sex quite often but I rarely gave in, similar to how I always wanted to go out and have fun but he'd rather ignore my requests in favor of entertainment at home.
This is a good sign on your part: A willingness to try and look at both sides of the issue. It's more rare than you might imagine.
However, a word of advice -- don't base your evaluation of your relationship on what other relationships have as "typical". I'm not saying you have to give those things up entirely, especially if you really want them and they're important to you; but don't think you have to have them because they're part and parcel to relationships either.
So I thought that maybe if I started taking more of an interest in where he was coming from that things might get better. For a couple of weeks I tried harder, made many efforts to please him, and the result was....nothing. This made things a lot worse.
The problem has been building up in you for at least six months, correct?
That being the case, WHY would you think a two-week change would cure it? This is a common mistake people make, allowing a problem to build and build and build over TIME and then thinking there should be a quick cure.
Now I'm almost never in the mood for sex but he still wants it constantly. If I kiss him, he takes it as a sign to start groping me. He constantly touches me and tells me how much he wants me, etc. Which would be fine in moderation but this is every day. It bothers me so much.
The fact that you're almost never in the mood for sex really means you need to STOP and step back, take a deep breath.
As for him constantly wanting sex, I'm sorry but it really is as simple as "he's at that age". He IS, at 20 years old, at an age where he needs to start reining it in some and paying attention to the emotional factors that go into building a relationship, but that change will NOT happen overnight. NO ONE grows up and becomes a MAN overnight, leaving boyhood behind utterly, and despite legality, at 20 he's still a boy in many respects.
I really love him and I don't want this to destroy our relationship. I just don't know how to go about enjoying it again. I've forced myself to have sex with him a few times, even when I really, REALLY did not want to, and it ends terribly. As soon as he finishes, I just go into the bathroom and cry hysterically. I feel so disgusted with myself for doing it just to make him happy. I don't know what's wrong with me! I don't mind doing other things to make him happy, so why are sexual acts any different?
PAY ATTENTION HERE: If you are at this stage and you're forcing yourself to have sex when you do not want to, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE STOP!!! Stop before you do irreparable damage to yourself emotionally and irreparable damage to your relationship with this person since you say you want to continue with him. STOP before you end up doing irreparable damage to BOTH of you.
I understand the need to please a partner, but if it comes at that kind of cost it is NOT worth it at this stage in your life and it will ultimately prove harmful to BOTH of you.
THIS is the time when you need to STOP having sex and start THINKING.
I've tried talking to him about it before, just today actually. I told him that I feel bad that I'm not as interested in sex as he it.
Dear, that is NOT talking to him, that's you trying to make still please him. You didn't tell him WHY you're not as interested in sex, you told him that you feel BADLY for not being as interested in sex.
At this point you need to ask yourself a LOT of questions which are geared toward discovering what YOU need and what YOU want.
- What do you want out of a lasting relationship?
- What do you want out of YOUR LIFE, with regard to goals and accomplishments?
- What do you want out of YOUR OWN SEXUALITY?
NONE of these are easy questions to answer but they ARE terribly important questions which you will NOT manage to answer overnight, or over the next two weeks, or even over the next year. They're ONGOING questions and the answers will change over time but you need to start considering them NOW.
This is my biggest concern: he feels that it's his fault that I'm like this. I think that it's my fault and not his, which I tell him all the time. He never believes it, though.
Not to sound condescending, but aaaaah, young love. It's quite the minefield -- and you're not alone, hardly the first young person to discover his or her self thrashing about half-blindly.
Anyway, he told me not to dwell on it and then changed the subject. How am I supposed to not dwell on this? I love him very much and don't want to destroy our relationship. Maybe I'm just not communicating effectively.
BINGO -- NOW you're on the right track. If it makes you feel any better, however, odds are that NEITHER of you is communicating terribly effectively. A great deal of it has to do with age and, unfortunately the only cure for that is time and experience.
At least half the time the problem with finding answers is that we don't know how to phrase the question properly. This goes back to what I was saying above about your need to figure out and ask questions of yourself.
I would be grateful for any advice that you guys could offer. We talk about our future together all the time and I know that he's the person that I want to spend my life with. I fear that if things keep going this way he'll get sick of it eventually and just move on to someone else who can give him what he wants. At the same time, I'm really getting tired of his hands being all over me and us not being able to do anything fun together that isn't laying in his bed.
I don't know anything about your relationship other than what you've shared here and that's hardly comprehensive.
However, I suspect it's less SEXUAL advice you need and more EMOTIONAL advice because it sounds to me a lot more like your sexuality is suffering because you're dissatisfied with the overall relationship and what you're getting out of it.
So long as what you want out of it is within reason, there's nothing wrong with that -- and only you can decide whether your desires and wants are within reason, it's not for me (or anyone else) to say.
I will say this: You're 20. If this relationship doesn't work out your world won't end, I promise. It's good if you can continue to try and work it out but both of you are at a difficult age. It's difficult because emotions tend to hold more sway than reason at this point, although I guarantee you just read that line and feel quite differently about the matter.
Please help, this is driving me crazy!
Take this time and start figuring out what you want -- and despite that this sounds callous, try to evaluate it WITHOUT factoring him in. After that, go back and re-evaluate WHILE factoring him in.
Take time to formulate questions from those things you figure out, figure out how to TALK to him without being obsequious. If you're trying to communicate then you don't start by apologizing for what you're feeling, you try to figure out WHY you're feeling what you're feeling.
The two of you can play the "It's not you, it's me" game forever and ever as each of you tries to assuage the emotional angst of the other, OR you can get down to the nitty-gritty of the matter and figure out WHY things are happening the way they are.
A SOLID word of advice: BOTH of you are in the relationship, so both of you need to quit trying to shoulder ALL the blame OR attempting to shove it all off on the other (you didn't do that much in the post to which I responded but I'm no idiot, I know how relationships are and I was young once, too).
The problem is that what you need to be happy, date nights and adventure etc isn't being fulfilled which of course is going to affect other parts of your life. You must start doing things that make you happy soon; because he may eventually get the clue of how to get you in the mood and make you happy but it may be too late, that being you may have by then built up so much resentment that anything he does will not make you happy.
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