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Girls, I need some help. Long story but short version is I am a 45 yr old woman married to the same man since I was 19. Marriage is mostly good with the usual ups and downs. I am mostly satisfied with my husband (49) who is a good guy but hasn't been very attentive over the course of our marriage. Two children, grown and out of the house. My husband and I planned a once in a lifetime vacation to Paris for the entire summer this summer but a last minute crisis in his workplace forced him to have to stay home at least until late July or early Aug. He insisted that I go ahead without him and enjoy my summer and he would join me as soon as he could. I few weeks before I left we were watching a TV drama episode about a couple who had an "open" marriage. After the show he asked me that since I got married so young had I ever wondered what it would be like to "be" with another man. I told him no that I was perfectly satisfied with him. In truth, I have occasionally wondered exactly that a few times over the course of our marriage but of course have never ever acted on it. Honestly I forgot about the conversation but a few days before I left for Paris he sat me down and told me that he was giving me a "free relationship pass" for the summer while we are separated with no strings attached. He only asked in return that I end anything prior to his arrival or my return to him if he is unable to come at all later in the summer and further he asked that if he asks me about it at some point that I would be completely honest with him as to what happened this summer in Paris. I told him I didn't want a "free pass" and that I wanted to spend the summer with him. He was very insistent that I go on and that I think over his offer. That is where we left it when I departed for Paris. I have now been in Paris alone for about two weeks and am SO lonely. I just long for simple companionship and conversation over dinner or at a museum. Honestly the men here are very very aggressive and attentive and I have already had several offers for dinner, a drink, or just an afternoon together. When I have tried to explain my feelings to my husband during a few phone calls he quickly changes the subject and makes small talk. While one month ago I wouldn't have even considered this, I am now somewhat conflicted and considering saying yes to a dinner offer. I have replayed the conversation with my husband a thousand times and I am convinced he was sincere in what he said. If anyone has had a similar circumstance or similar conflicted feelings - I need your help.
1) Is my curiosity fueled by loneliness normal ? Will it pass ?
2) Am I playing with fire if I just go to dinner ?
3) I fully trust the sincerity of my husband but I do believe that if a dinner date eventually evolved to something more he would be crushed and I don't know if I could tell him the truth or not as he has requested
4) If I say no I feel like that I may never again have the opportunity and I am trying to sort out if that is really important to me or not. Any thoughts ?
Reverse the roles.....what if it was your husband going out, and you invited the invitation? What do you think dear? I mean, seriously??
I would say that you are married, period. I don`t quiet understand your husbands thinking on this one, unless....he has a business...casual...dinner date awaiting him upon your departure. Thats a weird conversation, between a married couple....
Girls, I need some help. Long story but short version is I am a 45 yr old woman married to the same man since I was 19. Marriage is mostly good with the usual ups and downs. I am mostly satisfied with my husband (49) who is a good guy but hasn't been very attentive over the course of our marriage. Two children, grown and out of the house. My husband and I planned a once in a lifetime vacation to Paris for the entire summer this summer but a last minute crisis in his workplace forced him to have to stay home at least until late July or early Aug. He insisted that I go ahead without him and enjoy my summer and he would join me as soon as he could. I few weeks before I left we were watching a TV drama episode about a couple who had an "open" marriage. After the show he asked me that since I got married so young had I ever wondered what it would be like to "be" with another man. I told him no that I was perfectly satisfied with him. In truth, I have occasionally wondered exactly that a few times over the course of our marriage but of course have never ever acted on it. Honestly I forgot about the conversation but a few days before I left for Paris he sat me down and told me that he was giving me a "free relationship pass" for the summer while we are separated with no strings attached. He only asked in return that I end anything prior to his arrival or my return to him if he is unable to come at all later in the summer and further he asked that if he asks me about it at some point that I would be completely honest with him as to what happened this summer in Paris. I told him I didn't want a "free pass" and that I wanted to spend the summer with him. He was very insistent that I go on and that I think over his offer. That is where we left it when I departed for Paris. I have now been in Paris alone for about two weeks and am SO lonely. I just long for simple companionship and conversation over dinner or at a museum. Honestly the men here are very very aggressive and attentive and I have already had several offers for dinner, a drink, or just an afternoon together. When I have tried to explain my feelings to my husband during a few phone calls he quickly changes the subject and makes small talk. While one month ago I wouldn't have even considered this, I am now somewhat conflicted and considering saying yes to a dinner offer. I have replayed the conversation with my husband a thousand times and I am convinced he was sincere in what he said. If anyone has had a similar circumstance or similar conflicted feelings - I need your help.
1) Is my curiosity fueled by loneliness normal ? Will it pass ?
2) Am I playing with fire if I just go to dinner ?
3) I fully trust the sincerity of my husband but I do believe that if a dinner date eventually evolved to something more he would be crushed and I don't know if I could tell him the truth or not as he has requested
4) If I say no I feel like that I may never again have the opportunity and I am trying to sort out if that is really important to me or not. Any thoughts ?
Help. Ladies only please.
Alone and conflicted in Paris
I know you said ONLY ladies but I'm going to say what I got to say anyway.
I think your DH is an idiot!!! Not only because he's putting you in danger, but also because he's putting himself in danger. All it takes is sleeping with the wrong person one time, and BAM, you got an STD (hpv,hsv) along with NASTY, PAINFUL outbreaks!
You should read some of the stories that women have posted in the STD forums and how their lives are forever changed by one simple "indiscretion" with the a person outside of marriage (with/without protection).
This isn't a f%%%n movie with all the happy ending BS!
I'm wondering if maybe your husband needs permission himself to do what he is strongly and aggressively insisting that you do. I say, don't do what doesn't feel right for yourself. If you have had opportunities to take your husband up on his offer but cannot or will not do it, go with you instinct and don't do it. It would be a very complicated emotionally charged issue for the rest of your marraige. I think it says more about your husband than you.
Last edited by angelfood; 06-05-2010 at 11:17 PM..
I'm wondering if maybe your husband needs permission himself to do what he is strongly and aggressively insisting that you do. I say, don't do what doesn't feel right for yourself. If you have had opportunities to take your husband up on his offer but cannot or will not do it, go with you instinct and don't do it. It would be a very complicated emotionally charged issue for the rest of your marraige. I think it says more about your husband than you.
This raises big red flags for me. What kind of a husband is going to tell his wife to go to Paris and cheat on him???? I don't get it. I'm sorry to say this but maybe he is having an affair and to rid himself of guilt he is telling you to do what he is already doing.
Please don't be tempted to go out to dinner with someone. It is playing with fire. You should have a really long talk with your husabnd. I would be so insulted and upset if my husband told me I could go and have a "free pass" over the summer.
None of this makes any sense to me at all.
I agree that your husband's motives are suspect. Did he want you to believe this was entirely YOUR free pass? Or was the expectation that you'd both have free rein while apart? Unless you're 100% on board with the idea of an open marriage (and I'm gathering that you are not), don't even consider having an affair. That way lies the end of your marriage.
That said, I don't think going out to dinner is necessarily "playing with fire." Can you manage to make your position clear to a companion? Men and women can be friends, even in Paris. Have lunch instead, if you're nervous. There's no need to completely isolate yourself just because you're away from your husband. Paris is meant to be enjoyed!
i cant believe that anyone visiting Paris right now could possibly have time, nor want to be on a computer rather that enjoying the sites, food and people....
take one of the men's offer for dinner and drinks. what happens after that will be up to you. i dont think it is necessary to go any further if you really dont want to.
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What do you think dear? I mean, seriously?? 
Thats a weird conversation, between a married couple....
...Yep!
