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It's not that he can't afford to pay for a divorce - it has to do with his tax papers that he has to get fixed. Apparently he had a crooked accountant who didn't do his job right - but my ex (technically he isn't my ex on paperwork, but the way we live our lives, he is my ex) anyway, my 'ex' didn't do his job of overseeing the accountant that he hired. So now all of his taxes for the past couple of years are messed up and he has to get that fixed so he can show the judge in child support court so the judge can tell him what he is supposed to pay for child support. I don't get this part either because he and I already agree on a figure and he has been paying our agreed on amount for over a year now. It could take a year or more to get his taxes fixed.
To me, in our hearts and actions, we are divorced. I never wanted to be separated or divorced from my husband. I wanted to find the right man for me, get married and spend the rest of our lives together. But I couldn't take the abuse any more. I had a talk with God and told God that I couldn't live like that any longer. That I was going to tell my husband that I can't take his violent behavior anymore and that he needed to be nice or get out. I told God that I was placing my life in His hands and whatever my husband decided is God's will. When I talked to my husband, he told me that he had already been making plans to move in with another woman - so that's what he did immediately.
I have always been a Christian, but didn't always behave like one because of being with my husband - I got to the point that I put my husband above my Christianity. I did things he wanted to do that were against my religion, I didn't attend church for a long time because he didn't want to go. Things like that. But since he left, I have gotten back to behaving like I feel a Christian should behave. I read the Bible often. I feel spiritually connected to God again -- THAT FEELS GREAT!!!! I feel at peace. I have read the Bible cover to cover, prayed, thought about my entire life, tried to figure out why my live played out the way it did.
I got right with God again, but I am lonely for companionship - an honest love and relationship with a spouse. Honestly I'm not worried about physical contact - I want to feel a true love - relationship- friendship- spiritually and emotionally then later as the relationship naturally developing into a physical relationship with a man. I am 34 years old and I want to feel the love that my parents had for each other that I thought I was going to get out of my marriage.
Whenever I have asked my husband about the divorce papers - (his lawyer is free for him - he exchanges boat work for lawyer work), all he has ever said is " I don't have time for that!". Yesterday, (a year and a half after he left, the whole time I asked about the divorce papers), he finally explained the problem with his taxes keeping him from being able to do the divorce papers and he doesn't have the time to get too focus on getting either (the taxes or the divorce) done. So, jeffncandance is right, he might not get around to doing the paperwork for a year or more. Meanwhile, he is going about living what he considers a full life - girlfriend, love, relationship, job, friends, etc. But he is not a Christian. But since I'm a Christian, I feel like I have to have this divorce paper before I can go on with my life and allow myself to find love in a relationship. I feel jipped! I'm alone and it's not fair! (I sound like a three year old with that last line!)
I want to do what is right in God's eye. But if my husband is putting forth no real effort to do what he needs to do to get a divorce, but has moved on, why am I stuck alone and feeling punished?
I understand your frustration, certainly. Did you say whether or not you have employed an attorney yourself? Maybe I missed it, but if not, I think that should be your first step. Maybe he can apply some pressure to get the ball rolling.
I do not think you sound like a three year old. You are a beautiful woman who has had 10 years of abuse. In my opinion, you can move on. Take it slow. Know what kind of man God wants for you. Be picky and know that as God's precious child you are worth waiting for. I can understand wanting friendship and love. I just can't imagine God not wanting that for you.
When Jesus lived on earth, He didn't hang out with those who had it all figured out. He lived with those who were burdened and weary. I can't imagine a God who is that loving, being any less than loving in this situation. Again my opinion, but I pray for your joy and happiness. God Bless you!!!!!!
I have called my lawyer that helped with the separation papers and left a message for him to call me. I just found out about the taxes being the problem yesterday, so I called my lawyer to see if that is true, but he was in court, so all I can do is call tomorrow and hope to hear from my lawyer about it. I know my husband - he can get very hateful if you don't do things his way and in his time frame. He's the type that would stop sending me any money if I push this issue. I know I could get the lawyer involved in that too, but why ask for trouble? Also, according to the Bible, the woman is not to give the man a bill of divorce, the man is to give the woman a bill of divorce.
i think a year and a half would constituit abandonement on his part, Id def get some legal advice because state laws vary, but in AR, you can file after 30 days of separation and I think even if they wont sign, there is a period of time that is set to where it(the divorce) will become final whether 2nd party signs or not.
I have called my lawyer that helped with the separation papers and left a message for him to call me. I just found out about the taxes being the problem yesterday, so I called my lawyer to see if that is true, but he was in court, so all I can do is call tomorrow and hope to hear from my lawyer about it. I know my husband - he can get very hateful if you don't do things his way and in his time frame. He's the type that would stop sending me any money if I push this issue. I know I could get the lawyer involved in that too, but why ask for trouble? Also, according to the Bible, the woman is not to give the man a bill of divorce, the man is to give the woman a bill of divorce.
This seems like it may be applying what was culturally done at the time to today's society. In other words, making a moral rule about an issue that was only cultural. I could be wrong. What do you guys think about this last thing she mentioned?
vacationsover, do you have a pastor you could go talk to about all this? Sounds like you could use some good Godly counsel above what we can provide on the internet.
I asked the counselor at my church. First, he asked me how I felt my relationship with God was. I told him that I felt it was fine. Then he said to make a list of what I want in a relationship and in a man. I told him I already have done that. Then he said that I should be okay to date and have non-sexual relationships and try to find a man that I would be interested in marrying once the paperwork gets done. My thing is that I feel funny even dating and trying to let myself - in my mind even - want to be with someone else.
Without telling you the one opinion I already got (from the counselor), I wanted other's opinions.
I am going to go ahead and say "no" as well but not for any moral reasons. Personally, I think that you've been through enough and should be able to move on and do what you please. At this point in your marriage you are nothing more than legally bound by a piece of paper. That's also why I say no. Unfortunately, in the society we live in, people are able to win lawsuits in all kinds of situations by using loopholes in the law books. For that very simple reason, I would refrain from seeing other men. If your "ex" is a complete scumbag he could do a lot of things to ruin your entire divorce preceedings including who gets custody.
If you want to know what I would do if I were a maniacal bast*rd than listen. I would wait until you started dating and I would hire a private detective to follow you around and video tape you with the other guys. I would present that as evidence in court as to why YOU broke the sanctity of the marriage. This gives him the rights to a good chunk of his finances and possibly to primary custody of your kids. Even if this doesn't fly, it's going to cause you a lot of stress, heartache, and gray hairs. Just so you know, I am not a lawyer, but I can certainly think like one . Just be careful in what you do so that it can't get turned back around on you.
I asked the counselor at my church. First, he asked me how I felt my relationship with God was. I told him that I felt it was fine. Then he said to make a list of what I want in a relationship and in a man. I told him I already have done that. Then he said that I should be okay to date and have non-sexual relationships and try to find a man that I would be interested in marrying once the paperwork gets done. My thing is that I feel funny even dating and trying to let myself - in my mind even - want to be with someone else.
Without telling you the one opinion I already got (from the counselor), I wanted other's opinions.
I believe you already have found the answer, and I pray that it is the right one
I want to do what is right in God's eye. But if my husband is putting forth no real effort to do what he needs to do to get a divorce, but has moved on, why am I stuck alone and feeling punished?
What a trying and testing season you have been in. God bless you for enduring this and I'm sure your faith is ever increasing.
That being said, remember that your walk with the Lord has nothing to do with any actions your husband is or isn't taking. It's all about you and God. If it doesn't seem fair, think about Jesus. He died for my sins. Now THAT isn't fair!
I pray I'm never tested like you, vacationsover, I'm not sure I would emit the grace that you are emitting. I'll be praying for your situation.
I asked the counselor at my church. First, he asked me how I felt my relationship with God was. I told him that I felt it was fine. Then he said to make a list of what I want in a relationship and in a man. I told him I already have done that. Then he said that I should be okay to date and have non-sexual relationships and try to find a man that I would be interested in marrying once the paperwork gets done. My thing is that I feel funny even dating and trying to let myself - in my mind even - want to be with someone else.
Without telling you the one opinion I already got (from the counselor), I wanted other's opinions.
Based on your feelings, I think the Holy Spirit is leading and guiding you.
When the time is right, you will get a peace to do what God wants. The more you seek Him, the more you find Him.
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