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Are there people out there that disagree? I am just curious....this kinda came out of the thread about Harry Potter. Thanks for all of your posts so far!
Well, I wouldn't have deliberately exposed my son to anything I considered evil. Just like I wouldn't expose myself to it. My husband and I did raise our son, I guess, in a fairly strict Christian environment. He did attend public schools which gave him a pretty good look at the world outside our Christian home though. But, yeah... I guess I would have to say we were fairly protective of him and raised him accordingly.
Well, I wouldn't have deliberately exposed my son to anything I considered evil. Just like I wouldn't expose myself to it. My husband and I did raise our son, I guess, in a fairly strict Christian environment. He did attend public schools which gave him a pretty good look at the world outside our Christian home though. But, yeah... I guess I would have to say we were fairly protective of him and raised him accordingly.
At least he went to public school. I went once in the 1st grade, besides that, all Christian schools.
You are setting your children up to fail, no human being on God's green earth can live up to some of your expectations...they must make mistakes to learn...protecting your children isn't controlling them...you don't own them, and if they don't make mistakes, how in heck can they learn to deal with problem solving...?
The more mistakes people make, the stronger and wiser they become...life is the best experience....you cannot create this protective plastic bubble for them to walk around in and then expect them to deal with the real world.
The real world isn't all bad...it has some very intelligent and enlightening people in it, not to mention, some pretty nice earth shattering experiences that help you along the way.
Even if others don't believe in your religion...doesn't make you right and them wrong...or visa versa...let your children be...who they are...fill them up and then allow them to believe what they choose to believe....and don't push them away for forcing them....be there for them if and when they fail...and don't base all your faith on teaching them that the Lord will do for them...teach them that they have to make some decissions...and choices and learn from them, right or wrong.
Your children are human beings...who want to explore just as much as the next person and they will regardless of how you forbide them. Sometimes the more you forbid, the more they rebell?
Allowing them...is loving them unconditionally....
Sheesh, I know so so many kids that were controlled by their parents to fear the Lord if they went to dances...how ignorant...and those kids really went bonkers and were sometimes the worst kids ever.
I'm not sure that going to public schools was the best choice in retrospect, though.
It took me years to get over missing out on many things that "normal" kids got. My parent's heart was in the right place but truthfully it's not a decision I will make with my kids. I believe if you're teaching your kids right at home, and if you have them in a school that's not a sad statistic (like an inner-city school in the ghetto or something), then they will not depart from God.
It took me years to get over missing out on many things that "normal" kids got. My parent's heart was in the right place but truthfully it's not a decision I will make with my kids. I believe if you're teaching your kids right at home, and if you have them in a school that's not a sad statistic (like an inner-city school in the ghetto or something), then they will not depart from God.
What exactly was it that you felt you were missing, Jeff?
My children have grown up exposed to many more things than I was. They have been allowed almost any tv they wished to watch, any music or literature they wish to read. My daughter surprised me when she bought a collected works of Shakespeare while in third grade on her own initiative.
We have been frank and open with them discussing anything they wish to discuss. We have not gone the route of trying to shield them from anything, including those things we find personally offensive. We have not been shy about expressing our beliefs about topics and ideas, but we do not try to block their examination either.
My daughter is 16 and has not felt the need to experiment with drugs, alcohol or sex. She has friends and occasionally goes out with groups and likes to talk to and about boys, but has not expressed a dating intrest in any specific boys yet. Most she claims are too immature, too poor, or not smart enough. She still enjoys being with her parents and while still demonstates many of the common tendencies of teenagers as evident from her enthusiasm towards chores and housework, she has not gone through any of the serious rebellion phases I recall my friends, and even I, were tempted to partake in.
She appears to have a very healthy attitude toward many things children are drawn to out of curiosity or due to it's forbidden nature. Overall I feel she is a very mature girl, although sometimes too mature. At least she also approaches relationships with that same serious examination. She has not exhibited any serious crushes or infatuations, but she has been known to flirt a bit from time to time when she doesn't know her daddy is watching.
My son is a bit older and although raised similarly, has shown a bit more interest in experimentation than his sister. He enjoys light social drinking, although none of the rest of us do more than the holiday season type drinking. He has moved in with several women over the years without the ritual of marriage, despite that none of his family condone that either. He has felt free to make his own decisions and aside from these two more liberal attitudes and a serious lack of financial aptitude, he has avoided many of the traps young adults face.
My advice would be to be sure they are well versed in your beliefs and attitudes, but do not hide anything from them. They will find out sooner than later, wouldn't you prefer to be the one explaining things rather than the 12 year old down the street? It really helps the relationship if they know they can expect the truth from you without molding it to fit your desires.
I recall the joke I used to hear. "Why are the deacon's kids so unruly? They hang around with the preacher's kids." There is a lot of truth in our jokes, even if we don't like to admit it.
I hate when people do this, but here goes. Out of this entire post, which was very interesting, I picked up on the "too poor" comment. Does your daughter really judge boys by their financial status at the age of 16? Or their parent's financial status? Don't boys and girls pretty much go "Dutch" these days? I hope the Dutch comment isn't taken the wrong way, but I mean each pays his/her own way.
What exactly was it that you felt you were missing, Jeff?
I went to a very, very small school. By my senior year, I WAS the graduating class. I didn't get to participate in sports, or in many activities that the public school had that we didn't. I never experienced simple things like different teachers, and changing classes, and having a locker.
I was not allowed to have non-Christian friends, so as a result, I had very few. Because of my outsized personality , I guess I did have quite a few, considering--but everything was withing a very close, constricting bubble. Christian music only, Christian friends, church 3 plus times a week, Christian school...
I missed out on a normal, high school life. I'm over it now, but for many years, I yearned for it, and felt very sad that I was denied it.
One thing that I was given is an excellent education. My mom taught us alot, and is a smart woman, and when she didn't, they made sure to get the best. The curriculum was very advanced and I always tested extremely high on the state exams each year.
They were nothing if not sincere, and I have no anger about it now. But as a result my kids will not be subjected to the alienation I felt.
I recall the joke I used to hear. "Why are the deacon's kids so unruly? They hang around with the preacher's kids." There is a lot of truth in our jokes, even if we don't like to admit it.
Ha! I was--and am--a preacher's kid. Or as I prefer it, a PK!!!
As you all know, my son has been in rehab for the past three months. Many of you know the story I've shared and will not want to read all this, but here is my take on things...
I am Christian, my son was raised in church, baptized at age 14. He is a very intelligent young man, always has been, mature in many respects yet immature in others.
There is a huge drug and alcohol problem in our school system at the moment. Most of the kids in the 11 and 12th grade were involved, including athletes and smart kids. There were many functions I would not let my son attend simply because I knew there would be drinking and drugs at them. He became really angry with me for this and saying that I was basically segregating him from his friends.
He had had a problem with his weight all through school, had no self confidence and few friends. When a couple of the 'hip' crowd took a liking to him, he started to hang around with them. The more he did, the worse he got at home. His 11 and 12th years were horrible for all of us. He got into drugs, into drinking and even ran away from home the summer before his 12th grade year. He would yell in his father's face, and bless him, my husband would put his hands in his pockets, my dh endured a heck of a lot with this child and was hurt very badly by his actions. We were always open with our son, talking with him and him talking with us until these last two years of school. He went totally wild, his grades went down and we were afraid he would not graduate, then the second semester, things got better or so we thought, and his grades went up. He got two scholorships to college and was happier.
Then, he totally turned again, moved out, how could we stop him, he was 18 almost 19. He moved in with drunks, had a job, but never any money to eat on, and we hardly saw him. He said we abandoned him, and always wanted someone to feel sorry for him. After living this life for 9 months, and after getting a dui, he moved into the house trailer that we had bought for him before he graduated. He seemed to calm down, found a decent girlfriend and was not into all the other things. Until the so called friends started coming back around, shortly after they started, he got his 2nd dui the day before easter, and I left him in jail for 4 days. You guys do not know how hard that was for me, and he was not in good shape when I went and got him out. DH had talked with the judge and we found Home of Grace a christian rehab, the only drawback was that it was voluntary and he could leave at any time. Now, I have to tell you that I had started prayer warriors for him around six months before this second arrest.
When this all unfolded, God showed me this was His work, and I was less upset and frightened. The usual waiting time for HOme of Grace is 6 weeks, we got in in less than a week. He stayed the whole three months and just graduated Friday. He has changed in so many ways, and I am so thankful. He rediscovered God and has a new outlook on life.
My only fear at this point is that the so called friends might sway him back into the old lifestyle, and he knows this as well, has had counceling for this, and I just leave this in God's hands and take each day as it comes.
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, I guess I did have quite a few, considering--but everything was withing a very close, constricting bubble. Christian music only, Christian friends, church 3 plus times a week, Christian school...
