The Spiritual Path- Making Ammends (disciple, church, Holy Spirit, quote)

[McGowdog]

OK, putting aside the God issue... the God/Not God issue... let's talk about using these spiritual tools laid at our feet.

I harmed someone the other day. Heck, I think I harmed a whole family and embarrassed myself in front of a whole town. I goofed up. It was a real I wish I never got out of bed type of days. I went to a HS football game and my team was going to lose their first and only game of the season, one game short of the championship. I knew this would be their toughest opponent to date as it was a team that ended their season last year. They were down 6-0 at halftime and in the 3rd quarter the other team came out with the momentum and never looked back. It was a home game for my team and it was very well attended and everybody had decked the whole town up for the game. I thought I was prepared for a possible loss, but sometimes you never know.

What I'm trying to figure out is why God doesn't remove some of our defects of character right away. Is it God letting us keep some of our defects of character, or is it us? Are we so stubborn, that we're not willing to let them go? For me, it's anger. Everybody has a temper, but I'm especially familiar with getting too wrapped up in stuff that's just not that big of a deal. I harm people with my behavior. I yell loud, I cuss when it's not appropriate, I'm an immature baby sometimes. I guess you could say I have to blow off steam sometimes.

But I'm on a spiritual path and I can't afford to be the grouch or the brainstorm. I have to live by a certain set of rules and I can't afford to live in resentment, fear, selfishness, or dishonest for too long. The rule for me is, "Be hard on myself and easy on others." If I followed that rule, I'd not get into these messes of mine.

Example? I was at a ball game this last Saturday. I was kind of down midway through the middle of the 3rd and I thought I'd light a fire under certain players and I yelled at one in particular and his family was right below me. I was given the opportunity to call them today and personally apologize to them for saying mean things to this guy. He was standing away from the team and about to get his arm taped up, plus he's got asthma and probably needed some oxygen, and he's simply one of the biggest meanest players on the team and a leader on and off the field. I was yelling at him to get with the rest of his team and go out and hit somebody. I knew two of the other running backs in this game were playing hurt and I didn't even stop to think he might have been hurt too. I knew they had an oxygen tank down there for somebody, but I didn't even stop to think it might have been for him. He maybe one of the biggest toughest kids on the field, but I forget how young he is and that he's got feelings too.

I think we've got to remember that this is really about the kids out on the field and not us. They work as hard as they can and we have no idea what it's like out there and whose playing through injuries and what all's going on.

I try to be a good sport and I try to fire the team up and I try to be funny, but sometimes we go too far.

Yesterday I was a jerk and a sore loser and I'm sorry about that. I hope I learn from this. It's about maturity.

When we win, that don't tell us much about our character, not in the long run. It's when we get knocked down, when we lose, when we goof up and hurt someone's feelings, when we make the wrong choice... it's how we deal with that stuff that counts in the long run.
See, I like to think I'm tough and I'm funny and I'm smart. When we win, we can feel good for a bit. But then it's back to normal. The ego gets bored and looks for something else. The wins don't define us. But when it goes the other way, we step on other people's toes and they retaliate.
I have a conscience and I know when I goof up. But there's something in me that doesn't want to fess up. I want to justify my behavior and I don't want to own up to it because I don't want to suffer. I'm not so tough. But when it gets brought to my attention, I know right away I goofed.
I know enough to know... when making ammends, it's not about the forgiveness. To be forgiven is nice and all... it's like icing on the cake though. We sometimes get lucky enough to set right the wrong. That's what's important. If forgiveness happens along the way, that's a great thing. Not for me, but for them. If I hurt somebody and they're mad at me, that's natural. If I'm contrite and brave about the ammend or apology, most people understand. Then if I'm lucky, they accept it, realize it's about my knuckle-head and not them, and they forgive me.
Then they're free of it too. And that's what it's about. I've made ammends to some people and they've said, "Fine. Now stay away from me and out of my life." Those are no fun. But those are ok too. That's water under the bridge. I've swept my side of the street. Leave them alone.
I wish I had no temper. I wish I didn't get so wrapped up in stupid sports. But I do. I have passion in stuff. My dad says, "You can't win em' all." I've always hated that saying.

So my questions are, why is it so hard to give up known defects of character and why is it so hard to suffer our debt of our sin to God?

[McGowdog]

Wow! 30 reads and one comment in the form of a rep and thats it?

No one out there is living the spiritual path? I was talking about making ammends, people. I was talking about having patience and suffering the horror of our own defects for a time and the tendency for us to justify our own egos.

None of you have ever experienced this nor care to comment?

[cg81]

Character defects? Don't I know it! God gave us free will.. we make mistakes.

Originally Posted by McGowdog

I was given the opportunity to call them today and personally apologize to them for saying mean things to this guy.

... and sometimes making amends does more for us and others (gets us farther down the spiritual path) than if we had just stifled the blow-up in the first place.

(Not that I'm advocating a "just do it and apologize later" attitude!)

[McGowdog]

Well, that's an interesting way of putting it. But I believe it's true. Life isn't about trying to control our ego or our human nature, but to live life and grow from the experience.

I hear we can gain wisdom the hard way or the easy way. I don't know much about being noble just for the sake of it, but I hear these creatures exist.

[masonsdaughter]

Ok, I understand the owning up to your words and trying to make amends, but have you really considered that harsh words are hurtful to people? This boy may remember his football days within the framework of your words. An apology, even if accepted may not change that.

[McGowdog]

If given the opportunity, you don't just say "I'm sorry, will you forgive me?" It's more like; "This is what I did to harm you. This is why it was wrong and misdirected anger. It had nothing to do with you. It had everything to do with me and my attitude. Is there something I can do to make it right?"

Then, if he requests something of me and I can do it, I do it. I also go on and live up to my ammend to him and never do that again.

May I have caused permanent harm? Yes, probably. But I've made my approach and done my best. I pray for his well being. What more can be done?

[masonsdaughter]

If you are honestly trying to change your behavior and have tried to make ammends, you are doing all you can. I would like to say that owning up to your actions and trying to make it right says a lot about you. Not all of us have the courage to do that.

[McGowdog]

Well thank you, but I'm only doing this because I came to a conclusion of where my life goes when I'm running it, became willing to seek God and let Him take me to better things, decided into this path and agreed to do these steps which includes finding my defects with writing resentment, fear, and harms done to others' inventory, shared that with another, and set out to make the ammends. I don't do this alone either. I meet with a group of people just like me a couple of times a week or at least once a week. I'm not unique in this by any means. Whenever I go to church which isn't too often, I contemplate where I am with my fellow people; It says in that Lord's Prayer, ...forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us... So I have to forgive first before I am forgiven. When I'm not forgiving you, I'm your prisoner.

The making of the ammends is absolutely no fun. I dreaded it bigtime. Facing this kid's mother and his coach was the first thing I did and I only did it after it was brought to my attention- that I'd been caught... so to speak. Shame is not an easy emotion to face. But it's a piece a cake compared to the thought of drinking over it, so to speak.

I notice that the initial shock or shame wears off after time passes. That's why it's vital to try to make these ammends as soon as possible. Before you're out of the woods with one thing, it's not long before another thing crops up. But this one really shook me. Maybe I'm finally ready to mellow out a bit. Time will tell.

[ShanaBrown]

McGowdog, I think that we all may have some things that we are working on, maybe a thorn in the flesh that we deal with on a regular basis. It sounds like to me that you have half the battle won by realizing and acknowledging that your temper is a problem. Many people may not even realize or want to acknowledge that they have a problem. Some things will take time to work out as we walk in the Lord. God's strength is made perfect in weakness. (1 Corin 12:7)For example, Peter was a close disciple of the Lord's, but he struggled in many ways in his weakness. He learned to depend on the Lord. In Paul's letters to the Corinthians, he chastises them for some of their behaviors and attitudes, but they are still believers, the Lord's body, needing to make changes. Putting the flesh to death daily by the Holy Spirit shows that it is a constant battle. Paul speaks about running the race and fighting for the prize, about the sin that can so easily entangle us. It is part of the process of growing as we are being transformed daily into His image. Making amends is no fun, but think of the effect it might have on others who see your response in trying to make things right. It can be a real encouragement to them. I remember when I was a member of a congregation and one of the elders/leaders went forward to share with the members that he struggled with something and how it had affected his family. He asked for everyone to pray for him and this had a positive effect on the congregation. Thank you for sharing and for being honest. Take care and God bless.

[masonsdaughter]

McGowdog, You are being a bit hard on yourself here. Life is a learning path, and that is not always easy. Also something new is always cropping up, but it gets easier to deal with. You have identified a problem and are taking steps to solve it, just keep doing that. None of us gets through life alone. Ask for help when you need it, and give it when you can. Peace be with you.