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My hubby and I have been married for about 4 years. He was gay for most of his life before he met me. He was never happy being gay and always wanted to convert so that he could be seen as "normal," "worthy of love," etc. Also, being gay flew in the face of his deep Christian beliefs. He tells me he never really obscesses about gay sex anymore because he has me to take care of his needs. (I'm sorry if this is TMI!) I posted on the relationships board about my concerns with him and his BFF and most people said that I should be more concerned about his homosexuality than his BFF. My question to formerly gay men married to straight women--do you ever really get over being gay or is it something you continue to repress?? Oh, and how many years have you been/were you married for? And do you really enjoy sex with your wife, or are you always pretending she is some male that you are attracted to? Okay, that was 3 questions. But I just really need to know...am I wasting my time on this marriage and has he been lying to me (AND TO HIMSELF!) all along?
The questions you have to answer for yourself, is, do you love and respect him? Would you still love and respect him if you had no sex with him at all? Does he respect you and return your love?
Is he a very good friend, that you enjoy being around, or just someone to sleep with?
I think you have to be able to have positive answers to questions like this before you can evaluate whether or not his being gay is a problem.
Pretend that he wasn't gay. Could you accept that at some time he might see an old female love? It's the same thing. Sex with someone else. It might happen.
[quote=Padgett2;1658533]
Is he a very good friend, that you enjoy being around, or just someone to sleep with? quote]
This is the problem....I wonder if all I really am to his is a very good friend?? I want to be HIS WIFE! I want him to love me the way a husband loves his wife. Is that asking too much? Is this a demon that we will always be wrestling with?
Well, if you haven't had children yet, I would advise against it.... because some day he may change his mind, and your marriage might fall apart... putting kids through that isn't fair.
A wife should be, first, a very good friend to her husband. And he should feel the same for her. A marriage that is based on expectations of something else, whatever that something else may be, is going to disappoint.
I don't see how anyone can love without friendship.
Our bible speak often of Love. All sorts of Love. The absences of Love is a terrible thing.
Surfer, I read all your posts and the answers you got from the posters in the relationship forum. Most were good suggestions, but you politely rejected anything that was proposed to help you solve your problem..I really think that you are at the point that you should talk to a professional about this very serious problem that you have, since these forums and well meaning posters are not helping you..May you find your peace
Well, if you haven't had children yet, I would advise against it.... because some day he may change his mind, and your marriage might fall apart... putting kids through that isn't fair.
With this kind of thinking, "it might not work, so lets not put our all into it", a marriage very likely does have a chance of falling apart. I don't know your situation, but I'd say, love each other, give your all to each other, be happy, and don't worry!
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