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...when the Dr.was very rude about her,assuming she wouldn't hear him or understand.I really would liked 2 punched the daylights out of him!,instead I went home &bawled my eyes out,I'm sure she did 2.Shame on that Dr.&any other person w/so little resp.4 someone just becuase they R up N their yrs,that doesn't change the fact that they R human 2,&deserve way better treatment than that!
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I have and I do...my grandmother lived to 103...my other lived to 96...but it was not because of ethics or morals that I cared for them. It was out of love and respect.
I have and I do...my grandmother lived to 103...my other lived to 96...but it was not because of ethics or morals that I cared for them. It was out of love and respect.
Maybe it's just me but I don't see a whole lot of differences between the words that I bolded above. It's interesting, though, that people want to make the distinction. As if ethics and morals are somehow "lesser than" base emotions like love and respect. The way I see it, love and respect are catalysts for ethics and morals.
A couple of situations with relatives and friends have occurred in the last couple of years regarding the care of an ill and aging parent that have prompted me to ask this question. My two cousins (brother and sister) who live in the Seattle area but grew up in Montana like myself and are lifelong friends of mine had a terrible strain on their relationship when their Mother who is my aunt had to be put into a nursing home and it was very expensive. Their financial situations were very different, one was very affluent and the other was just average in terms of income. When it came to paying the bill for the nursing home my cousins and their families almost reached the point of a physical fight. It was finally agreed that each family would pay half and after a few years of not even speaking to each other my aunt finally passed away last year. Right before she died they had agreed that it would be a blessing to my aunt if they became close again and they did.
The other situation is that of one of my best friends in Montana who spent years taking care of her ailing Mother and now that her Mother has passed away she has been left broke because she spent most of her adult life taking care of her Mother. She lost the house due to debts and she's just living day to day in a tiny apartment in Montana. She's intelligent and responsible but chose to take care of her Mother instead of herself. Now her economic situation is desperate and she's just scaping by even though she's in her late 50's like I am.
I'm not sure that these questions fit neatly into religion and philosophy but it's certainly a question of ethics and responsibility. I'm wondering what others think about the responsibility that they owe to their parents and to what extent they should be pursued. Fortunately, my Mother and StepFather are much better off financially than I am but I know that I would do anything if my Mother needed any kind of help. What do you think?
I actually do, my parents have been great, and frankly, I couldn't have asked for anyone better. They deserve more than a nursing home and my sister and I quite frankly will not let that happen. Even if it means we can't go and find our fortune like good little americans we will do what it takes to take care of our parents when the time comes.
That's a tough question. On the one hand, I still feel the ethical and moral responsibility to take care of my parents, because that's the way I was raised, to take care of family, (I had no problem with taking care of my mother-in-law, and my grandmother). On the other hand, we haven't laid eyes on one another in 28 years, (I was 19, the last time I ever saw them), and since they made it emphatically clear, (about three years ago), that they did not wish to have any further contact with me, nor I with them, it would make it a bit difficult to look out after them. They would absolutely refuse any help from me, even if I did offer it.
I am in the same boat as you and have often wondered as time goes on how this will all work out for me and my estranged parent. Hard for some to understand how a child and parent can not have a relationship but it does happen.
Although I had no intention of EVER putting my parents in a nursing home, we had to put my father in for the last 3 months of his life simply because we could not give him the medical care he needed. My mother went into the home in order to be with him. It was not what any of us wanted, but what we felt was for the best. After Dads death, mom came home and I check on her at least once a day and do all of her running.
That said, why aren't the Dr.'s taught in medical school that the elderly are often hard of hearing and it has NOTHING to do with their mental capabilities?
That said, I think doing something for maral and ethical reasons sounds more like you are doing it because you think you should and doing something out of love and respect sounds as though you are doing something because you want to. Hopefully if I ever get in that situation my kids will care for me out of love and respect.
I am in the same boat as you and have often wondered as time goes on how this will all work out for me and my estranged parent. Hard for some to understand how a child and parent can not have a relationship but it does happen.
It's a tough spot to be in, and I don't envy anyone who's dealing with the same type of situation. I really do wish things were different, (I do remember good times with my folks, as I was growing up), and it's not in my nature to continue hold things against people. But, unfortunately, they have chosen to take this position with me, and because they do not want contact with me, and I will not open myself up to any further insult, or hurt, (particularly where my family is concerned), by trying one more time, to get them to see reason, I seriously doubt that I will ever see them again, on this side of the grave. Whatever plans they have of taking care of themselves, as they grow older, (they are 65 and 67, now), they are on their own. That may sound cruel, harsh, and unfeeling to others who have a good relationship with their parents, (be glad that you do), but for some of us, it just isn't possible. As I said before, they would refuse my help, in any case.
...when the Dr.was very rude about her,assuming she wouldn't hear him or understand.I really would liked 2 punched the daylights out of him!,instead I went home &bawled my eyes out,I'm sure she did 2.Shame on that Dr.&any other person w/so little resp.4 someone just becuase they R up N their yrs,that doesn't change the fact that they R human 2,&deserve way better treatment than that!
Macha...I'm sure you have a lot of good things to say, but it's really not fun to try to read your posts when you use so many shortcuts.
Chinese culture would enforce you to do so, the sons are compelled to take care of their parents.
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On the one hand, I still feel the ethical and moral responsibility to take care of my parents, because that's the way I was raised, to take care of family, (I had no problem with taking care of my mother-in-law, and my grandmother). On the other hand, we haven't laid eyes on one another in 28 years, (I was 19, the last time I ever saw them), and since they made it emphatically clear, (about three years ago), that they did not wish to have any further contact with me, nor I with them, it would make it a bit difficult to look out after them.
They would absolutely refuse any help from me, even if I did offer it.
