Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It might be that I'm more scared about where the money will work out as than she is---because I don't handle the day to day operation like she does.
It might be.
If so, then the same basic advice I offered for her (and that others have echoed) gets applied to you. It's just bad management to have only one of you, either one of you, doing the books and budget and making those choices by themselves.
The other spouse should at least be reviewing the numbers and understand the numbers when they do so and the reasons why you BOTH chose to do X vs Y.
Well....she's always been a bigger traveler than I. But since I'm an educator, we took a popup with two kids all over the east coast and Canada.
But yeah we don't mond having people visit us to defray their hotel costs since they can stay in the bed and breakfast side of the hosue and we don't even have to see them---if we wanted to. And yes we worked this out together as we've done with everything for the past 40 years.
Mathjak might be right. Guys might just be more wired about expenses than ladies. After all she knows better than I how to budget for stuff. She saved for four years for a 55 inch TV set.
Yes and if she has been managing the money all along maybe there is a lot more there for retirement and "travel" than you know there is.
Yes and if she has been managing the money all along maybe there is a lot more there for retirement and "travel" than you know there is.
If she's anything like me, you bet she knows. She's got all figured out and has done for years. She knows to the penny how much you will have coming in and when and what those expenses will be.
LOL - Zarathu, you are worrying about nothing. As others have side, the larger issue is how you will spend your retirement, not whether or not you will have the money for it.
It might be that I'm more scared about where the money will work out as than she is---because I don't handle the day to day operation like she does. And I have a good two pensions, with a great possibility for various kinds of work, and she too with little kids. Our income will go up again in 2 years with her SS pension, and then up again when I have less healthcare when medicare kicks in, and then up again when she gets medicare, and then up again when she gets some inheritance, so we are proBABLY SET for upgrades until we are about 75. She just seems too blaise about it.
Since (usually) females tend to take on the caretaking roles or are given them, she may be wishing for some niceities. Even though I know certain things won't probably happen, I still tend to dream about the weekend trip I'd love to take, etc; doesn't mean I will do it.
Geez. Show the wife the household operating statement a/k/a budget. One plus one still equals two, last time I looked. Income - SS, pensions, IRA/401K withdrawals @ 4-5%/year, less fixed expenses such as housing (taxes, maintenance), food, utilities, auto, insurance, health costs, emergencies, etc. Whatever is left is for shopping and fun.
Suppose you can always win the lottery and then all bets are off. But this is not rocket science.
oooh yes im very serious. men and women do not view or spend money in the same light. there have been many studies done on that.
heres a summary of pretty much what they all find.
Women vs. men:
• Women, trained to nurture and seek acceptance, view money as a means to create a lifestyle. Women spend on things that enhance day-to-day living. Theirs is a now-money orientation.
• Men, trained to fix and provide, view money as a means to capture and accumulate value. Men don't spend, they invest. Men don't want something, they need it. Theirs is a future-money orientation.
i think you will find many women seem to have that "oh it will come from somewhere out look"
i just think thats one of the differences between men and women and you know what ,sometimes they are right. we worry to much about money.
Interesting post! For me...I was taught at an early age about finances from my mother (thank you Mom!). My ex was the one with the "oh it will come from somewhere" look. Can't blame him though, I knew the situation before getting married.
Being solo now, I no longer have that problem and have only myself to blame if I mess up financially.
Great post! It certainly is the way for me. but after 38 years of managing our money, my wife does save for big things. But with retirement coming up I'm sure she'll be find in budgeting once she has the numbers.
The big problem now is listening to her telling me about how she doesn't want to be stuck at home(even if it is paradise) all the time and expects there to be money to make that happen. And I freak out because I have no desire to work in another job after retirement, and have made all the arrangements I can to have a good income during retirement. So I told her to stop telling me that and if its not enough for her then she'll have to get a job to supplement our retirement and her travel needs.
The big problem now is listening to her telling me about how she doesn't want to be stuck at home(even if it is paradise) all the time and expects there to be money to make that happen. And I freak out because I have no desire to work in another job after retirement, and have made all the arrangements I can to have a good income during retirement. So I told her to stop telling me that and if its not enough for her then she'll have to get a job to supplement our retirement and her travel needs.
I'm smart enough to know that my spouse will pretty much act like this when I do get around to retiring. My solution that I've stated here before is simply to keep working (health permitting) until I'm 70. I'm not the only one who felt this way. I know one lawyer who never retired until after his wife's death because he could see the handwriting on the wall. I guess he did something right. He's still alive at age 87 and just barely quit working.
Seriously though, this does highlight the need for communication with a spouse. You both need to be on the same page when it comes to retirement issues. Retirement does not always bring happiness. I felt my father who had a pension greater than virtually anyone could dream of and good health for the first thirteen years of his retirement was pretty restless and unhappy during most of his retirement years. Much of it had to do with the fact that Mom and he didn't see eye-to-eye on many issues.
You may even want to consider some type of marriage counseling. Its your call on how serious this problem really is.
oooh yes im very serious. men and women do not view or spend money in the same light. there have been many studies done on that.
heres a summary of pretty much what they all find.
Women vs. men:
• Women, trained to nurture and seek acceptance, view money as a means to create a lifestyle. Women spend on things that enhance day-to-day living. Theirs is a now-money orientation.
• Men, trained to fix and provide, view money as a means to capture and accumulate value. Men don't spend, they invest. Men don't want something, they need it. Theirs is a future-money orientation.
Sorry, I'm not buying this. I think it's an overdone cliche. In my family, I was the primary budgeter, the person that thought more about how much to save, etc. (with my husband on board). When I think of all the people I know, I would say that it was probably a fairly even split between men/women taking charge of financial affairs. I know many women who complained about their spouse's buying of "big toys" (i.e. expensive cars, electronic equipment, boats, etc.) when they wanted to save more.
Sorry, I'm not buying this. I think it's an overdone cliche. In my family, I was the primary budgeter, the person that thought more about how much to save, etc. (with my husband on board). When I think of all the people I know, I would say that it was probably a fairly even split between men/women taking charge of financial affairs. I know many women who complained about their spouse's buying of "big toys" (i.e. expensive cars, electronic equipment, boats, etc.) when they wanted to save more.
I never buy anything bigger than $25 without consulting my wife, except at Christmas time and only for her. Usually I have to go through this huge rigamarole about why I need the item. Two years ago, out of the blue she told me that I needed a new lap top because mine was 8 years old and clearly from my comments was just plain out of date.
My concerns here are not with my wife's ability to budget, just with her expectations. Unless my pension disappears, and SS dies, I will probably be way better off than most people, but I agree with mathjak that I have a definitely different viewpoint on future money than my wife. She figures it will just work out, and I worry.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
From a female point of view
